For this little girl to have put me off sending dc to private school.

[reallythough]

Name-changed as I have a feeling I'm going to get flamed and I'm a bit scared.

We are unsure of whether to send our dc to private school or state school at the moment, we have one starting school next September.

DC who will be starting school next year attends pre-school at a nursery attached to a private school which we really love, the staff are brilliant, dc is very happy and has lots of friends. Last week I picked dc up and walking out of the school an 11ish year old girl and her siblings ran out shouting 'oh Daddy you've got your new Range, look at Daddy's new Range everyone' on repeat about 5/6 times whilst looking around to show everyone that she didn't know (it was a particularly nice car).

I don't want our dc growing up surrounded by people who place importance on materialistic posessions at such a young age. It made me wonder whether a state school will be a more organic surrounding for dc to grow in rather than the quite narrow selection of people they will be socialising with at an independent.

I read something the other day about how we try to re-create our own childhood for our children and I went to private school but after juniors was desperately unhappy there and felt trapped. I am not criticising the girl at all but it did remind me that on the whole a lot of the people I went to private school with were very materialistic and quite narrow minded. AIBU for this to have jolted me to have a serious re-think?

Well the results this school is getting, the smaller classes, the positive feelings I get I am happy what we are paying for (ok the ex is mainly playing for)

Honestly do not feel the need to keep explaining to a bunch of strangers on way you are sending your child to private school. I am happy you have a positive feeling about the setting.

I do have a problem with people like scarlettmummy.

Sorry on why you

Why would you have a problem with me? For saying that I didn't want my child to go the under performing school in my catchment that is in an area with many parents who think spitting is acceptable and not working is a life style choice? Who would choose that if they didn't have to? Get real.

the private school around here has great additional activities. Volunteering opportunities, foreign trips, all sorts of clubs that state schools don't have, over 90% go into university etc.

But DH says we both went to state schools and to university.

One of my friend's went to this private school (but her brother's didn't, which doesn't seem fair). I remember her being very boastful (and wearing a ridiculous uniform that I teased her about...we were 11)

Actually, now I think of it, I know two people who send their kids there, both are very boastful (and not very nice people)

by moving in catchment of outstanding school
you've bought advantage
house price in good catchment significantly higher,thus only mc benefit by buying advantage but crowing they dint go private

I'd have to agree that you get annoying boastful kids everywhere.
I remember a few years back, a school friend of my DD1's gloated for weeks about her mum getting "a 08 car" (that was the current year). This is a state school in a fairly deprived area.

Having said that, I have a friend who won a scholarship to an expensive girls' school, and she said it was pretty horrible being one of the only non-rich kids there

I am In the catchment area of outstanding schools, one of the reasons I choose our flat was because we are in catchement area for the best school. Now I am very wary of ofsted reports when I compared the reports to the league results how can two schools get outstanding when the level of standards they are reaching is very different

My dc go to private school and we are far from posh! We drive the oldest car of all of the parents and live in a council house (gasp)!! Both my dc never mention what others do/don't have. We have always made sure they take part in all sorts if activities etc and show them that we work hard to be able to afford things in life (hence paying rent as opposed to owning a house in order to be able to afford fees etc). I understand this could change as they get older (they're 6 & 8) but for now they have the sense not to care about material things or the bragging of others.

There are loads of good reasons to not send your child to private school.

But one bratty and/or overexcited child is not one.

And what is an "organic environment?"

Our dd1 has just started a private school because she needed smaller class sizes and teachers that challenged her but also had the time to understand her needs.
We don't drive the oldest car but pretty sure we likely have the smallest house.
There are some horrible snotty snops at the school but there is also some wonderful down to earth parents who are very welcoming.
Dd1 has a good understanding that some have more money but also knows that we concentrate on spending time together than working all hours or buying stuff.
You are your child's best teacher in life.

There are snops kids in every school, private or state

An outstanding state school is not the be all and end all.

Don't be fooled by thinking that moving to the catchment area of one and getting a place is the answer to your prayers.

Not all outstanding lovely village schools are what they seem.

Dd1 went to an outstanding school it was awful

Sorry about that Lisa I had a similar experience tbh.

Obviously there are some excellent state schools but just because you might get into an outstanding one it doesn't guarantee that everything will be A ok.

I always wonder how many kids start at a private school then leave for a state school after a year or two because the fees at the private one are too much? Isn't that unfair on the DC?

The fees of our local private school are so high and increase each year. There's the after school stuff and trips as well, and uniform. I don't know what's included but if its not included in the fees then that's a helluva lot.

I don't think the number will be that high bionic and it's certainly no fault of the parents if their circs change is it?

At ds' prep only one little boy left in the past three years and that's because his parents moved overseas.

My parents got divorced when I was 11, financial circumstances changed considerably for my Dad with his business so they could no longer afford to send me to an Independent secondary school. It was bad timing as they hadn't put my name down for any state secondary schools, as a result I had to go to the only school with places. It was v.rough and because I'd been to private school I got bullied endlessly for my mannerisms, the way I spoke, the fact that I played the Cello. I didn't have a clue about how to react to being taunted so got that all wrong - on my 1st day I got chased to the loos, where I stood on one to hide from a girl who was about to thump me. It took me 2 years to get a place at a school that was half decent. Ironically, my DB who went to a state primary and the biggest comprehensive in the country at the time, did amazingly well by most peoples' standards, Senior Partner in a City Law Firm and I have achieved a very modest standard of living. However, that may be to do with me having a womb!

Depends on the school. The ones our children went to aren't particularly posh, lots of very bright children, many from reasonably modest homes, day schools. There are private schools for the rather thick posh who don't get very good exam results which can be more like you describe.

That girls was just pleased about the new car. In fact a study ddone of boys at Harrow/Eton etc found that you need a mid range car - kind of battered volvo estate to be the right level of coolness rather than showy off nouveau riche. If you watched that transvestite artist perry's programme about class you would see that if you're reasonably upper middle class you tend to have a more down market older car than jumoped up slightly common people with money who show off and have big high Chelsea tractor type cars.

Bit like Alan Clark (old money of the politician diaries fame) deriding Heseltine (who made his own money) because Heseltine had had to buy his own furniture.