For this little girl to have put me off sending dc to private school.

[reallythough]

Name-changed as I have a feeling I'm going to get flamed and I'm a bit scared.

We are unsure of whether to send our dc to private school or state school at the moment, we have one starting school next September.

DC who will be starting school next year attends pre-school at a nursery attached to a private school which we really love, the staff are brilliant, dc is very happy and has lots of friends. Last week I picked dc up and walking out of the school an 11ish year old girl and her siblings ran out shouting 'oh Daddy you've got your new Range, look at Daddy's new Range everyone' on repeat about 5/6 times whilst looking around to show everyone that she didn't know (it was a particularly nice car).

I don't want our dc growing up surrounded by people who place importance on materialistic posessions at such a young age. It made me wonder whether a state school will be a more organic surrounding for dc to grow in rather than the quite narrow selection of people they will be socialising with at an independent.

I read something the other day about how we try to re-create our own childhood for our children and I went to private school but after juniors was desperately unhappy there and felt trapped. I am not criticising the girl at all but it did remind me that on the whole a lot of the people I went to private school with were very materialistic and quite narrow minded. AIBU for this to have jolted me to have a serious re-think?

About this childcare........

Well, certainly at Cambridge and I would imagine at Oxford too, they are very clear that students shouldn't get part-time jobs, so it's not necessarily so simple.

Sorry, wrong thread. But still- Xenia, you can answer me here if you'd rather.......!

YABU there is a 33% chance I built that car if it's the new Range Rover 405.

There are some real prejudices on this thread about private schools and the people who choose to send their children there. As an example ...

"People who prioritise money above everything just make me feel slightly ill"

I went to private school and the attitude there was the total opposite. Anything expensive, flashy and 'try-hard' was mocked and was the source of much embarassment. If your parents had a new, expensive car, you'd have been begging them to stop round the corner out of sight...Mostly we all tried to look as scruffy as possible.

That was a fairly low-budget private school, back in the days where they were still vaguely affordable for non super-rich, but DH went to one of the most expensive public schools (scholarship boy) and it sounds like the attitude was much the same there, too. I think it may be a generational thing.

"Ive seen waaaay more snobbery and materialism in state schools than private." - not at primary level I haven't - nor to be honest at secondary.

I don;t think children who go to private schools mean to be snobby - but more of them have shed loads of money compared to state schools and not being one of that crowd becomes much more difficult. Much easier to compete over who has teh latest trainers than to compete in the what exotic holiday or name dropping event did you go to over the holidays.

But it does very much depend on the school (on both sides of the equation). Our state primary here is very mixed, many of the private schools much much more moneyed. Being the poorest person at the school may be character forming for your DC's or it may be isolating if you are strecthign to send them.

Visit all teh schools and choose the one you like best.

reluctant, I think it's still like that unless you are nouveau riche and showing off your money, which has never been the English way. There are plenty of nouveau riche people though in some private schools who feel good if they have a smart car or an expensive bag and it's their money - if it makes them feel good to distribute pictures of themselves wrapped around their car I might well internally mock them, but one would never do it to their face and it's their money to spend as they like. It might be a massive achievement that they have that car when as a child they coudl hardly eat money was so short.

Too true suebfg - choosing private does not mean you are Prioritising money e.g. We are hoping to go private one day as it will mean a classical education - something not taught in the state schools around this way.

I think its golden ear who's been sayin about how an old boys network is on the way out. I don't know about the employed world but as someone who runs her own business I have had 3 extremely lucrative business opportunities come my way purely from private school contacts - 2 old girls network and 1 old boys network. I very much doubt I'd have gained those opportunities if I'd have gone to our local state school.

PlEase excuse my poor Spelling - on my phone

Free- you are absolutely right, the old boys club is still alive and kicking, anyone who says it is dying out is delusional.

yes old boys club is still alive but that doesn't mean you can't be successful with virtually no access to it at all (as I was when I chose to be). Choose your child education on the basis of what will suit them. Anything else is a recipe for disaster and all the old boys network in the world can't turn a failure into a success.

It's also important to remember that if you send your child to a private school in the hopes of them making contacts, then you need to pick the school with care. Peter Wimesy fans will remember the amused contempt of the Etonian for the Old Dumbeltonian in Murder Must Advertise.

Not all private schools are equal!

I don't think it's contacts as much as getting them high expectations. I was talking to someone whose step child did not go to university and I asked why. I think it was just that most people didn't at that school. If your peers all go and all do well then you are more likely to do so. There is also an inverse issue here too - some people hide that they went to Eton. I had lunch with someone wondering if it would be an advantage or hindrance for their son (they sent him in the end). My own view is that unless you have a child who is psychologically damaged by boarding (many children are and plenty of parents have no idea if that will be so or not) then Eton is an advantage.

Of course Eton is an advantage. Particularly if you want to go into the city or politics. Dumbleton, or Miss Joyful's Dame School may not be so much. Certainly not as much as some parents might hope.

Contacts

Contacts

Contacts

Who not what you know remains as true as it ever did.

That is BS. It is simply not true.

So everybody in the Cabinet is there on ability alone? And on the Opposition Front Bench?

I went to two different private schools and Cambridge and can honestly say that no one I knew from school or college was ever any help at all in my career, which was in a notoriously nepotistic and contacts-dependent line of work.

So the idea that my DCs might be getting to know 'the right people' did not enter my head in the process of choosing a school for them.

Yes, going to Eton and Oxford (or Westminster/St Pauls/Cambridge) might help if you want to become an MP or write for the Telegraph or join a particular barrister's chamber, but going to the majority of independent schools (particularly day schools, but also 'minor' boarding schools) really does not give you an amazing free pass to wealth, contacts and influence.

My dc are not at private school, but are at a grammar.

They have to do work experience, every parent is networking like mad to find professional placements.

Contacts are all.

People that don't think so are living in fantasy land.

Not an "amazing free pass" but it certainly gives you access to people to ask for ideas and help and work experience etc.

Well I don't think contacts are made at primary or secondary school level. They are however, most certainly made at university. If you have the gift of the gab and know the right people then you're well on your way to becoming a big shot.

My brother didn't go to private school or a good university, but he has been head hunted by big oil companies in the past because he had the right contacts.. He is a good talker and thinks very quickly and precisely. He bought a Ferrari a couple of weeks ago, so that gives you an idea of his wealth.

I think it depends on the individual. I went to the same university as my brother but am shy and an introvert. I don't talk freely to people and I have a very very modest house and lifestyle.

Yes, personality has a lot to do with it. My oldest is very outgoing. I am sure on her assessment days for jobs that as much as all the good exam results helped her. (£60k+ job mid 20s which I only mention to show what some girls can achieve compared with others and I am not saying she woudl not be in that job had she been at a comp).

People who downplay the idea of contacts are living in cloud cuckoo land. A casual glance at the list of names in barristers' chambers, doctor and dentists' surgeries and the like often reveal the power of nepotism. I know countless people in several different professions who are there because of who they knew from school, who their parents knew or because of where they went to school.
Look at the acting 'dynasties.' It is no coincidence that daughters and sons of the rich and famous enter highly competitive industries with relative ease. I know a man who has a fantastic and high-profile presenting job at the BBC. He got a foot in the door because of his friend's father. If you look at people like Daniel Ratcliffe's and Keira Knightly, they have parents with connctions (Daniel Ratcliffe's mum is a casting agent). It's everywhere.

Daniel Radcliffe was also very lucky. J K Rowling had only ever imagined him as Harry Potter and he was asked a few times until he said yes to the role. Prior to that he had only acted in a few tv roles, like David copperfield on the BBC.