To complain about cold and unfriendly teaching assistant?

[BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts]

DD2 has just begun in reception at the school where my DD1 is. It is a lovely school...just gorgeous and everyone is happy with it.

However...there is a teaching assistant there who is so unfriendly as to appear hostile. She's in the reception class and she is one of those people who has a cold expression all the time.

Today I said "Hi...good morning!" to her as I left DD to go into the line up and she looked at me like I was a piece of shit. No exaggeration...she looked directly into my eyes and kept her face still with a cold expression.

It was quite upsetting to then watch my DD go in there...under her care...even partially! She's done this on another occasion but I put it down to maybe she was having a bad morning.

My question is this...should I give her one more chance to pick up her demeanor... keep being friendly....and if she carries on, then complain to the HT? or the teacher?

I just don't feel happy about it.

You are joking, right?

So she wasn't friendly. Maybe she just has 'that sort of face', maybe she didn't like the way you spoke to her, maybe she got dumped that morning...It really doesn't matter.
But you sound deeply unpleasant, I'm afraid...making so much of this, and the comparisons to a shop or hotel don't help.

It would be lovely if everyone was always charming but they aren't and it's charitable to cut people some slack. I think most posters on this thread also feel that your daughter's experience with the TA is more important than yours.

Blimey I only asked! I don't think it says anything about the education system or peoples expectations of it. My expectation is that children go to school to get an education. Being friendly to parents is irrelevant.

demanding respect, the last time i checked, is actually quite bad manners! So, you can be either barking or rude - thats your only options im afraid!

Again, I'm going to say it's a perception thing. Because I reckon teachers get a pretty good kicking quite a lot of the time. We mentally highlight different things. I wouldn't be surprised if homours were even really.

Yes worra she has...and DH says she's bloody done it to him too!

We don't smell or look weird either.

MrsA...yes, yes,,,,DD is happy.

I'd give it some time. I used to train nursery and children's centre staff, and one issue that came up repeatedly was the lack of confidence some of them have when dealing with parents. They trained to work with children, they like children, some of them love children... But many of them do not feel at all comfortable or confident with adults, and some are down-right intimidated or scared. Maybe your daughter's TA is one of these...?

When I sent my DS to school (with his additional support needs and all) I was full of anxiety. His rather brilliant and also very straight taking HT said to me 'We are on your side and we are here for you 100%. But unless there has been a fire, flood or death we would really, really prefer to not be there for you in the ten minutes between the bell going and the children going into school.'

He was amazing, as was his school. The playground in the morning however? Dictionary definition of chaos. Cut her some slack FGS.

Complain. Go on, I dare you.

And see how far you get.

Maybe she was a bit distracted with kids lining up and didn't quite hear u, and just looked up at u wondering if you'd said something but too distracted to meet n greet etc.
I do tend to look almost like I'm frowning when I'm thinking so maybe she just doesn't have a smiley thinking face either!
It's not a crime, I think reporting someone to their boss based on a look is a bit strange.

Flow4... Very interesting, thanks for that.

'I mean...she's a teachers assistant! Surely they're meant to be well mannered!'

A TA is not a teacher's assistant. They are usually employed to support learning. Gone are the days of backing boards and laminating. TAs or LSAs are usually employed to support children in a class situation or small group intervention.

She is not the teacher's secretary. She may be aloof but that doesn't mean she isn't a great TA.
She is not working in the service industry or a customer service role. If you complain I guarantee you will be discussed unfavourably in the staff room. If you have a problem with your child's care or progress at school please raise it with the teacher or SLT. But do yourself a favour and don't complain about a staff member's lack of respect for you, demonstrated by their cool demeanour.

allsuch no I do not sound "deeply unpleasant* at all. You sound repugnant yourself saying things like that with no evidence..

you sound quite rude though OP

Yes, do, complain the the head techer tomorrow - if she doesn't capitulate threaten to take it to the governors if they tell you are barking, OFSTED!

Oh and then come back and tell us all what happens!

Sorry you are getting a hard time here OP. I would worry in you situation too. Manners cost nothing and she sounds awful. The Ta's in dc6's reception class are lovely and friendly. Their interaction with me about my dc lets me know he is in kind, friendly hands. They care about him and ME as his mother. They are nice human beings and I am glad they are around him.
Part of the job description in many TA job posts is to explain how they are able to communicate with parents and children alike. It's bollocks to say that communicating in a civil way with the parents of their 'charges' is outside their job description.

Stress from snotty parents expecting her to smile at them, and taking offence if she doesn't you mean?

And no, being a TA is in no way comparable to working in a shop or hotel, where customer facing is the majority of the job.

Tbh, the TA could be perfectly lovely with her 'customers'. It's just her 'customers' AREN'T THE PARENTS. The TA's 'customers' are the children.

And she's not a parent's assistant, who you would expect to be smiley and offer a greeting to every parent - she is a TEACHER'S assistant...

Morecrack so if a parent DARES to complain then the staff room have a go about them do they? That sounds lovely.

I doubt the HT will take this seriously, however many "chances" you're prepared to give her before reporting.

What exactly do you suggest he does? Dock her pay every time she fails to greet you correctly?

My evidence is this thread. :)

Are you aware you've posted in AIBU?

Very few people have agreed with you - when this happens in AIBU it means the OP is wrong.

Hth

I think some people choose to become teachers or childcare or TAs because they don't actually like adults that much or certainly like children more. Personally, I went into charity and SS work because I am an interfering busybody who is nosy and will fight for right all the time. I know people in the field who are irritating, loud, quiet, weird and a million other things. Their clients LOVE them. It is ALL about what your DD and her friends think. Sod the schools image, sod the parents, it is all about the DC.

Thank you Buttons and ok the analogy about working in a shop wasn't a good one but even MORE so...if they are meant to be assisting in the DC learning then they NEED to be more polite than this one is!

OP has SAID she's not going to complain but hey don't let THAT get in the way of stamping on her.

allsuch no it's not. You don't have any evidence about me at all.