To not want to babysit this elderly lady?

[hoopyloopy2]

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip (the mum has been thinking of visiting family there but apparently reluctant to travel alone). I really don't want to - this trip is a big treat for me, costing me a lot of money, and with two DCs at home, the flight was going to be some long-awaited me-time. AIBU if I say I can't help? And if not, what on earth do I say without looking like an uncharitable old cow?!

If the lady is too nervous to travel by herself with the in flight help then one of her own family should travel with her. Sorry but she is just simply not the OP's responsibility.

It's hard to say without knowing what her 'needs' may be, but if they're beyond simply being a friendly face and some company I'd have no issue in saying no immediately. It's a lot of responsibility, especially with the added pressures of no sleep, changing planes etc.

If it's just company she's after, then it's harder to say no and I'd have a real dilemma because every part of me would want to say no (but I can be a real mug and would then end up resenting her for the entire journey, then feel even worse about that!).

I adore travelling on my own - regardless of everything that goes on at an airport and on a plane, it really can feel like I'm actually getting some peace and time to myself.

I love getting to the airport in good time and spending the wait mooching around the shops, going for a glass of Champagne and topping up my make-up bag. Then on flights I have absolutely no interest in speaking to anyone, I just want to watch movies, read crap, maybe doze if I can. Even when DH and I travel together, once we've gone through security we tend to just do our own thing, meet again to board then just do our own thing again on the plane (next to each other!). Bliss!

OP, if you've been looking forward to this trip and wanted to spend the time at the airport and on the flight doing what you want, when you want, then say no and don't feel bad. It's not your responsibility and your friend needs to arrange assisted travel for her mum.

Determining this person's needs, forwarding the colleague details of assisted travel, etc.?

Get real!

The cheek of your colleague is astonishing.

Don't listen to guilt-trippers, passive-aggressive BS or any of this karma woo.

And why lie?

If you don't want to do it, and your reasons for not wanting to are reason enough, then you tell her, 'No, that doesn't work for me.'

End of.

'Maybe you could find out more of what's required.'

Why? She doesn't want to and tbh it's none of her business except for the brass cheek of someone who's not even close to her to foist a total stranger on her.

The OP said the lady is reluctant to travel alone. She wants a companion.

OP doesn't want to do it, is under no obligation to, and tbh the 'friend' is taking the piss by even asking it.

Just say no and don't feel a bit bad about it.

Enjoy your trip!

YANBU. Just say "no, sorry" and don't worry about it . Enjoy your trip.

Agree that OP shouldn't have to try to find out more about the lady's needs - if the friend didn't expand or even reassure with something along the lines of 'she's perfectly able-bodied and still has all her marbles, she'd just appreciate knowing someone familiar to the family is on board', then I'd not dig and just say no.

Don't be guilt-tripped OP, you deserve to enjoy your holiday - and in my book that starts from the moment you arrive at the airport.

I agree with expat entirely.

Why should the OP feel obliged to investigate further? She doesn't want to do it, so that's the end of it!
No further investigation required, just 'no...I'm not up for that I'm afraid' - end of subject.

"If I can help somebody, as I pass along,
If I can cheer somebody, with a word or song,
If I can show somebody, how they're travelling wrong,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

Chorus:
My living shall not be in vain,
Then my living shall not be in vain
If I can help somebody, as I pass along,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

If I can do my duty, as a good man ought,
If I can bring back beauty, to a world up wrought,
If I can spread love's message, as the Master taught,
Then my living shall not be in vain."

Oh go away!

Luckily I'm not "a good man" so I don't have to obey cheesy poems.

I especially like the, 'If I can show somebody, how they're travelling wrong,' bit, pictish.

You can expect to get a mouthful at the least for your unsolicited advice for that.

Oh god exactly what expat has said.

And this is great from suocera "Additionally I see nothing wrong in you wanting to squeeze every single bit of "me time" put of this trip as possible. Women in particular suffer great social pressure to take on a caring/self sacrificing role in many respects of their lives, to an extent that generally men don't. It is fucking unfair that the one time you get something for you people are putting pressure on you to give up a short window of pure indulgence for the sake of putting somebody else ahead of your pleasure, when the chances are much of your life is already run on that basis."

Has anyone been on a flight of this length? The longest flight I have been on is 14 hours (and flying west, so easier) and that was utterly exhausting. Yes it would be doubly exhausting for an elderly woman, but why the HECK should a perfect stranger take that responsibility? Her daughter should pull her finger out and accompany her mother is she is that fearful of flying, not make an outrageous request of an acquainatnce.

If thinking the above makes me a horrible and selfish cow, well fine. I am sure the karma pixies will send some fire and brimstone to rain on me (bring it on).

The correct answer to the OP's friend should be a look of astonishment and a 'are you off your rocker?'

We can all write poems

Don't be such a twat
I've had enough of that
I'm sick of all this shit
Now put a sock in it

I don't know your mum
So shove it up your bum

I meant to say 'has anyone who is saying this is an acceptable idea been on a flight this length'

"Suppose this could be the old ladies last chance to see these family members"
oh please!
we don't know
maybe she doesn't really want to go and is glad to have the excuse of being nervous of going, and her family could afford to go but don't really want to take her either, but want her to go because they've decided that she needs to before she dies..

And yy to what suocera said as well.

There's this big idea that we women are supposed to be selfless and a facility for all.
Well I'm not - so it would be a firm no from me.

Karma is just nonsense
Believed by those with no sense

I'm not a touchy-feeler
Gimme some tequila

Yep, I'm with expat too.

It would be an absolute no from me too.

Why should you.. she's not your responsibility. Its your me time. End of.

It sounds a gruesome task
I can't believe you'd ask
I've never met your mother
So you'll have to ask another
I can appreciate her plight
But it's a long haul flight
And she's an elderly stranger
So I'm going to say 'no danger'

Instead of saying no - you could just ignore the requested on grounds its so unreasonable that it must have been a spur of the moment thing and not thought through.

If it comes up again - say you thought she was joking as its such an unreasonable request to ask of you and clearly they'd be booking her mother onto assisted travel which is fantastic these days.

See no 'no' Op and you don't come across as uncharitable and the responsibility is back on her family where it should have been all along.

It then require no more of your thought or worry.

On reflection YANBU.Difficult to think how you are going to say no though.Can't you reassure your friend that there is help on hand at the airpost and in-flight for her mother if she needs it.