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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to babysit this elderly lady?

391 replies

hoopyloopy2 · 20/09/2012 22:30

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip (the mum has been thinking of visiting family there but apparently reluctant to travel alone). I really don't want to - this trip is a big treat for me, costing me a lot of money, and with two DCs at home, the flight was going to be some long-awaited me-time. AIBU if I say I can't help? And if not, what on earth do I say without looking like an uncharitable old cow?!

OP posts:
aufaniae · 21/09/2012 13:32

I wouldn't think twice before saying yes.

It's not a difficult thing to do and you'd be really helping someone else. What difference does is make if you know her or not? It's basic human kindness IMO.

One day we'll all be old (hopefully!) and might well have to rely on the help of others.

ZacharyQuack · 21/09/2012 13:35

If the lady can afford two Business Class upgrades, she can probably afford a second economy class ticket for a member of her own family to escort her.

OP, this is not your problem. Just say No.

quoteunquote · 21/09/2012 13:58

your last holiday or day out could have paid for an African child to eat. This makes me a bit sad. But hey, your choices define you

yes it does, other than the petrol my holidays and day outs don't cost anything, and yes we try to what we can to help people who have not the same advantages as us,

it's not as if the friend(probably not the right word) is asking the OP to make the journey as a favour, the OP is going anyway, which is the reason the person asked, not demanded,

i have quite a few friends in the age group of the woman in question, I have gained so much from their company,to me it's sad when people think of older people like this, she may well be lovely, unless the OP has a private plane she will be sitting next to someone, why not someone who needs a little moral support,

I'm sure if the OP lets her "friend" know how she feels, her "friend" will not want her to chum her mother anyway,

if the Op wanted only to hear, "No you are lovely to not want to help", she wouldn't of asked the question on an internet forum, she clearly thinks that there maybe an issue with her thinking or she wouldn't be asking for options, she would of asked, "if you agree with this decision post here, otherwise sod off"

I wonder if there is an airline that has an age limit of what ever upper age it is deemed acceptable to sit next to someone,

if the 24hr to oneself is a really important issue, maybe a nice solution would be for the OP to ask in exchange that the friend pays for a spa day and baby sit any children the OP has, it would be a lot cheaper and greener for the family than sending an extra person on a trip to the other side of the world.

G1nger · 21/09/2012 14:02

How do you spell pious? Oh yes P.I.O.U.S. You can use those letters to write a poem if you like, too.

THETrills · 21/09/2012 14:03

It's not because it's an old lady, it's because it is another human being who she doesn't know and does't want to spend 24 hours with.

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 21/09/2012 14:10

lol at 'your choices define you'. I missed that post.

I hope my choices ^don'T define me

ilovemyteddies · 21/09/2012 14:13

@ GetOrfAKAMRsUsainBolt

NEVER MIND YOUR SANDWICH DEFINING YOU, I'M LOOKING AT THE PICTURE ON THE HUBBY ON MY DESK GrinConfused

juneau · 21/09/2012 14:16

I don't think YABU at all, but then maybe I'm a selfish. You don't know this woman, don't really know her daughter and this is an extremely rare treat for you. Why on earth would you want to saddle yourself with someone else to be responsible for on the one trip you manage to take on your own?

I'd just say no if it was me. I even think it's okay to be honest and say 'I've got two kids, I never get any time to myself and I'm really looking forward to not having to be responsible for anyone else'. As you say, you've spent a lot of money on trip, so I don't think you should feel guilty for saying no. Yes, she may be lovely. She may be happy to sit on her own. But maybe she'll expect to sit next to you, want you to stay with her at all times in the airports, and want to talk to you for 22 hours! That would be a big ask of a total stranger. I say do as you wish and don't feel bad about it.

quoteunquote · 21/09/2012 14:16

it's because it is another human being who she doesn't know and does't want to spend 24 hours with

good luck with having empty seats on that route next to you.

BeatTheClock · 21/09/2012 14:18

Yanbu I wouldn't want to do it either. Someone you don't know well has asked you to do this. I think they've put you on the spot somewhat here and that'd annoy me too Hmm

juneau · 21/09/2012 14:21

HellonHeels makes very good points too. I actually think the daughter is seriously taking the piss. It's a VERY unreasonable request of a virtual stranger.

THETrills · 21/09/2012 14:23

There's a very big difference between sitting next to someone who believes that you are there "with" them and sitting next to someone who believes that you are there separately from them.

juneau · 21/09/2012 14:24

good luck with having empty seats on that route next to you

Oh come on - the OP isn't asking for no-one to sit near her. She's objecting to BEING RESPONSIBLE for someone she barely knows. You're not responsible for the total stranger sitting the seat next to you!

G1nger · 21/09/2012 14:26

I once sat next to a chatty stranger on a 12 hour flight. He got me to hold his beer while he went to the toilet. Actually, the whole experience was quite funny.

I'm still saying no.

Floggingmolly · 21/09/2012 14:27

She'll probably sleep through most of it! Nobody stays awake talking for 22 hours!

SuoceraBlues · 21/09/2012 14:31

G1nger well thanks alot of encouraging my laundry procrastination.

.......

P reening with my self described near perfection,

I revel in the chance to shine my halo.

O h "virtual" sainthood tis mine to claim, cos

U obviously have standards that are way low.

S haming you, by bigging up me, the personal vice that I just can't see.

steben · 21/09/2012 14:33

Pictish you need to know that I have just wept with laughter at your poem and am currently sat in a car park waiting for DD to wake up and people are looking at me like a mentalist Grin

Proudnscary · 21/09/2012 14:34

I think your friend is insenstive and cheeky to ask - now you look like a meanie i if you say no.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

I'd do it for 2/3 hour flight, or a long drive. I'd take her mum out to tea or take her shopping if my friend was away. I go out of my way to help or chat to elderly people on the bus or in the shops, as I'm sure we all do.

But a 24 hour flight? One that you are looking forward to as one of the only times you will have time to yourself to sleep/read/watch movies/drink Wine? Sod that.

TidyGOLDDancer · 21/09/2012 14:36

Hmmm. YANBU to not want to do this, but at the same time I think how unreasonable depends on just how much contact you would need to have.

I'm largely the same on flights, I like to sit alone and not have to make conversation. All I need or want is my kindle, iPod and a drink.

That said, if all I had to do was get this lady through the airport and off the plane at the other end/stopover, I would probably say yes.

juneau · 21/09/2012 14:36

Suocera - I love your post btw - you're dead right no man would be asked to do this. It's sexist bollocks! Women are always expected to be caring and self-sacrificing. F* that!

Proudnscary · 21/09/2012 14:37

Wetting myself at:

Don't be such a twat
I've had enough of that
I'm sick of all this shit
Now put a sock in it

ByTheWay1 · 21/09/2012 14:40

You may end up "responsible" for someone anyhow through default - going long-haul to Florida, I had a 12 year old girl sat next to me - her mum was 24 rows behind with a little one, her dad was on the other side of the plane 12 rows away - they checked in last....

I know I was not LITERALLY responsible for her - but I did feel it.... she was a lovely, polite young lady, but if the alarms had gone off and we had to get out - I would have felt as responsible for her as I would my own kids...

I find it sad that anyone would say no to "accompanying" an old lady.... could be her last trip and all she needs is a bit of "hand holding" - you could always say you were tired if she is the chatty type...

expatinscotland · 21/09/2012 14:41

'That said, if all I had to do was get this lady through the airport and off the plane at the other end/stopover, I would probably say yes.'

But that's what the family are going to do, get her to the airport at one end and pick her up at the other. The OP is being asked to keep an eye on her during the journey because the person doesn't want to travel alone.

The OP, on the other hand, wants to travel alone.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 21/09/2012 14:42

YANBU, I would feel bad but I would say no. I hate making small talk and what if something were to go wrong? I've had to run for connecting flights in the past, been diverted to airports hours' drive from the original destination, had luggage go missing... No way would I want to be the smallest bit responsible for someone else in any if those situations.

expatinscotland · 21/09/2012 14:43

'her mum was 24 rows behind with a little one, her dad was on the other side of the plane 12 rows away - they checked in last....'

And once the flight gets off the ground and seatbelt sign is turned off, you change seats with one of the parents.

Sorted.

The OP wants to travel alone. If she wanted to be responsible for someone, she'd take her kids or OH along.

She wants to travel alone.