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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be jealous of my friend with only one DC?

132 replies

Mooq · 19/09/2012 20:48

Name changed because I'm a bit ashamed of this. I have two DC and would hate for them to every find out (as if!) that I've posted this...

I sometimes wish I'd only had one DC. Not that I don't want one of mine (love them completely and equally), but I think life can be a lot more pleasant with one.

I have a friend with 'just' one, and she seems to have the best of both worlds. As well as all the lovely stuff that comes along with having a DD, she and her DH seem to have a lot of time for themselves. They also have plenty of dosh to spend, relatively speaking, although we must have a similar sort of income. Little things, like their house is immaculate. It's always peaceful when you go in there, and there aren't toys and washing about like there are at ours. The living areas all seem nice and 'adulty', although the garden has play stuff and so does the DD's bedroom apparently. Their DD is pleasant to be around and can have a nice conversation with an adult, probably because that's what she has most of the time at home. She's also doing extremely well at school (although only in year 3 so I suppose anything could change), but you can see she's very bright and that her parents spend a lot of time encouraging her and helping her with school work and other things - time that doesn't have to be shared with other DC, clearly. Basically, they seem to have a lot more fun and a lot less 'drudge'! For example, at the weekend they got up and climbed a hill and watched the sunrise - they can do that because there are no other DC to think about. There are a million examples of things like this.

Sometimes I think that their DD must be lonely, being an only, but she's popular and seems to have a lot of playdates. I envy the parents for not having to listen to sibling squabbling.

Sigh. It just seems a bit like that situation on Outnumbered, with the perfect neighbours next door (although we have 2 DC and they have 1!)

So, AIBU? Is jealousy just an ugly trait and I should count my blessings? All two of them?!

Oh, just thought of another - they're always immaculately turned-out on the school run. They have the time!

OP posts:
iknowwho · 19/09/2012 20:51

It sounds more like she has better organisation skills than you tbh.

Kingcyrolophosarus · 19/09/2012 20:51

Yabu
It's nothing to do with one child, some people are just more organised/the child is easier
They do different things

Please enjoy your children

Original poster
Mooq · 19/09/2012 20:53

Yes, she probably does. But that could also be because she has the time. When one's ready for school, for example...that's it. No messing around, just one to deal with.

They seem to be able to do a lot more on a whim.

Hmph. Grass is always greener and all that.

OP posts:
wifeofdoom · 19/09/2012 20:53

A lot of these are true - but for me none outweigh the guilt of not giving your child a sibling.

Kingcyrolophosarus · 19/09/2012 20:54

I have one
And it's a constant battle
If that makes you feel any better!

It depends on the child

Floralnomad · 19/09/2012 20:54

Why assume your child wants a sibling , mine didn't .

Joiningthegang · 19/09/2012 20:55

Yanbu
Always said we would only have one - I have 3 - quite honestly whilst I love the bones of all of them my life would now be much more ...something???... Calm? Enjoyable? Relaxed? If we had stuck to our only having one guns.

Now I am quite jealous of those who stuck to their decision to have one!

SPsFanjoShiversTheTimbers · 19/09/2012 20:55

I have one child and my house is a shit tip at times and I don't have spare money.

My mum has 2 under 3 and her house is tidy!

Nothing to do with the amount of kids

Original poster
Mooq · 19/09/2012 20:55

Oh, I do enjoy my children, I do. I just would enjoy having less hassle and more time to think!

OP posts:
Joiningthegang · 19/09/2012 20:56

And - I don't know anyone with one who would rather now have more - with one huge exception and hers is a different case

valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 20:56

Get organised! It's nothing to do with having one child by the sounds of it. They probably get up in time to be 'immaculate' on the school run so they aren't rushing - it's not hard, when I was Nannying I used to get 3 kids out the door everyday for school and they were well turned out and on time.

There is nothing stopping you getting up and climbing a hill if you so wish - apart from yourself!

Kingcyrolophosarus · 19/09/2012 20:57

I'd have more
In a heartbeat
But it's not to be

McHappyPants2012 · 19/09/2012 20:58

I love having 2 children, when ds was my only child it was exhausting as he only had me.

Now when I am cleaning, cooking, MN ect ds and dd play together.

Mintberry · 19/09/2012 20:58

I agree with Mooq, the grass is always greener! I have also heard mums say that once their second child got past toddler years they actually found they had more time because the kids could play with each other rather than having to keep one child entertained 24/7.

Besides, everyone gets stressed and views their own situation as worse than it is sometimes, I know I do! So you shouldn't feel guilty, just try to remember how lucky you are to have two loving kids and you'll get through!

MrsKwazii · 19/09/2012 20:59

I think even if she did have more children, her life would probably be as organised and her home as immaculate. It's nothing to do with only having one child by the sounds of it.

You are blessed to have two children that you want and love. They are not stopping you getting up early to watch a sunrise - it sounds like you are. It's about priorities and choices and putting in the work to make them happen. If you want it, make it happen, but don't blame the fact that you don't have it on you having two children.

Original poster
Mooq · 19/09/2012 21:00

Yes, it does depend on the nature of the DC a lot of course. I just sometimes feel guilty when I realise that my two don't get as much one-to-one time from me and DH as they could do with. I've been at my friend's during after-school and it's ridiculous - DD does her homework nice and quietly; my friend helps her out if she needs it; the DD helps her mum (my friend) cook tea; the three of them eat and then the DD either practises her musical instrument or they all play a board game at the table. It sounds incredibly twee, I know, but they all seem to enjoy each other's company so much and it all seems to easy and frickin' wholesome compared to my family! :D

OP posts:
Anonymumous · 19/09/2012 21:01

Oooh, I think you're being totally unreasonable! The more the merrier as far as I'm concerned - more noise, more mess, more fun, more love! For all you know, your friend could be eyeing your family enviously and wishing that she'd been able to conceive another...

ladyinthelibrary · 19/09/2012 21:01

A little saying I heard the other day .... "Comparison is the thief of joy".

Not saying that I don't have similar thoughts at times, but you just have to get on with your own reality x

purplehouse · 19/09/2012 21:02

How old are your DC OP?

I find my 2 entertain eachother very well. 6yo & 4yo. I think looking after them sometimes can be less work than just one.

perplexedpirate · 19/09/2012 21:02

I'm afraid I must say that having one is the bee's knees!
I don't feel 'guilt' for not having another(WTF Hmm), and can concentrate on him, we have more money and time to spend as a family.
In the future, we won't have to worry about extra lessons or trips or sports kit costing double.
And he is such a wonderful child I can't see why we'd want another.
We are very lucky. Grin
My house is still a shit tip at times though...

TraineeBabyCatcher · 19/09/2012 21:03

Definately agree with Mintberry. Grass is definately greener.

I have one. I have a very tidy house, very organised and a reasonable amount of money. We have plenty of spare time and ds is fantastic and florishing it.

I would give up the money, the tidy house and the spare time tomorrow to be able to have more children

allthefun · 19/09/2012 21:04

There is the terrible fear of something happening to your one and only though.
I can't imagine carrying on if I lost my DS - there would be no other children who needed me to help me through. This happened to a friend of mine (she lost an older child) and it has ruined her life. She can't talk anyone without being reminded of what has been lost. She would have been hoping to be a grandmother soon I suppose so even 20 years on she is going through it.

On a lighter note it does make a night out or a holiday so much easier it's untrue. Anyone will take one child and you can book a double room for all of you in pretty much any hotel.

Original poster
Mooq · 19/09/2012 21:05

They decided to stop at just one when the DD was a baby. My friend has never wanted more. I know this is genuine too because she had a pregnancy 'scare' a while back and her DH has had the snip since.

I'd like to have it all, please. :D

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 21:07

I recognise that fear all

Takver · 19/09/2012 21:07

One is lovely, I adore my only dd, she is a delight to be with :)

But . . . my house is a disaster, I get regular 'can I just have a word' at school chucking out time, I have a to-do list as long as my arm, and I am generally in muddy boots & torn top when I pick up.

Sadly, I don't think having an only makes you organised, tidy or gives you a well behaved genius child Grin

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