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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be jealous of my friend with only one DC?

132 replies

Mooq · 19/09/2012 20:48

Name changed because I'm a bit ashamed of this. I have two DC and would hate for them to every find out (as if!) that I've posted this...

I sometimes wish I'd only had one DC. Not that I don't want one of mine (love them completely and equally), but I think life can be a lot more pleasant with one.

I have a friend with 'just' one, and she seems to have the best of both worlds. As well as all the lovely stuff that comes along with having a DD, she and her DH seem to have a lot of time for themselves. They also have plenty of dosh to spend, relatively speaking, although we must have a similar sort of income. Little things, like their house is immaculate. It's always peaceful when you go in there, and there aren't toys and washing about like there are at ours. The living areas all seem nice and 'adulty', although the garden has play stuff and so does the DD's bedroom apparently. Their DD is pleasant to be around and can have a nice conversation with an adult, probably because that's what she has most of the time at home. She's also doing extremely well at school (although only in year 3 so I suppose anything could change), but you can see she's very bright and that her parents spend a lot of time encouraging her and helping her with school work and other things - time that doesn't have to be shared with other DC, clearly. Basically, they seem to have a lot more fun and a lot less 'drudge'! For example, at the weekend they got up and climbed a hill and watched the sunrise - they can do that because there are no other DC to think about. There are a million examples of things like this.

Sometimes I think that their DD must be lonely, being an only, but she's popular and seems to have a lot of playdates. I envy the parents for not having to listen to sibling squabbling.

Sigh. It just seems a bit like that situation on Outnumbered, with the perfect neighbours next door (although we have 2 DC and they have 1!)

So, AIBU? Is jealousy just an ugly trait and I should count my blessings? All two of them?!

Oh, just thought of another - they're always immaculately turned-out on the school run. They have the time!

OP posts:
fidelma · 19/09/2012 21:07

I have 4 so envy your peace of 2!

I was an only one. My parents had to entertain me all the time.

Original poster
Mooq · 19/09/2012 21:07

My DC are 5 and 7 purplehouse. Some days they entertain each other. They also squabble a lot and have very different interests, which makes deciding "what to do today" more of a hassle than a pleasure sometimes.

I don't regret having 2, but I wish I had just 1. I know that's nonsense. I know, I know.

OP posts:
VerityClinch · 19/09/2012 21:08

I have DD (3) and DS (2).

I watch the sun rise Every Fucking Morning.

Not through choice.

Wouldn't change a thing (well, maybe a few things. Quite a few, actually. But not how many children I had, or how close together).

I love them, and this is what, and they are what, we all are. Smile

OhDearNigel · 19/09/2012 21:08

YANBU OP.

Your post is one of the reasons why I have never wanted more than one. All my friends with 2+ look so harrassed and stressed all the time I think "no thanks !". Some of them ask why I don't want another and what I really want to say is "because I don't want to be like you !".

bubalou · 19/09/2012 21:09

My mum has always said its easier with 2 as she found that we entertained each other - she had 4 in the end though Smile

We only have DS - aged 4, he is always dressed nicely & well turned out etc - we don't get load of free time though as we are very busy (as is everyone) but we do make time for 'family time' etc. The house is always tidy-ish, DS has a bedroom with toys, a separate playroom & stuff in the garden. I honestly don't think I'd be any different with 2. If I needed to get 2 children ready I would just get up earlier.

It doesn't look like I will have a choice when it comes to having more than 1 anyway as DH doesn't want anymore.

Sad crying inside

OhDearNigel · 19/09/2012 21:10

I can't imagine carrying on if I lost my DS

Neither can I. The only thing that would stop me killing myself would be that I am also an only child and it would kill my mother. [now I understand why she constantly worries about me]

IvorHughJanus · 19/09/2012 21:11

A lot of these are true - but for me none outweigh the guilt of not giving your child a sibling.

I am trying very hard not to be one of the Professionally Offended and get sniffy about remarks on a thread then hijack it to have a moan. But I have to say that I genuinely find remarks like this so upsetting. I struggled and struggled and struggled to conceive and carry my only child and the result of that enterprise is that I will never, ever be able to have another. This tortures me enough without having to read such flippant remarks about how guilty I should be feeling that I can't give him a sibling. It just makes me feel like utter fucking shit.

McHappyPants2012 · 19/09/2012 21:11

Your friend sounds nuts getting up on the weekend just to walk up a mountain.

happy2bhomely · 19/09/2012 21:12

Yabu. Not trying to sound smug or anything, but we have 4dc. 1 at secondary, 2 in primary and 1 at home all day. All doing well. I help them all with homework etc. House is clean and tidy(ish). They don't argue(much). My life is calm, enjoyable and relaxed(mostly) because I am organised and because my children are easy. I also don't work outside of the home. We don't have a big home or lots of money, but I am very happy with what we do have.

Life has got 'more pleasant' with every one of them and if I'm honest, I find it hardest when I'm home with just the little one. They entertain each other and help out and I'm quite lonely without them all!

Original poster
Mooq · 19/09/2012 21:13

OhDearNigel, yes we do look hassled. And we are! My friend's DD made a little film on a video camera on their walk to school the other day. If my DC did that, it would be arguing all the way. Sigh.

OP posts:
Fakebook · 19/09/2012 21:13

Nah, their life and house sounds boring. I've only got 2 and DS is still a baby but am planning my third as soon as I've lost my baby weight. I love the hustle bustle and the voices of my children in our house. Our house was quiet like that a few years before DS was born and dd used to be in nursery. It was deafening.

Original poster
Mooq · 19/09/2012 21:14

Ivor, is adoption out of the question for you?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 21:14

Boring because she is organised and has one kid? Nice.

Fakebook · 19/09/2012 21:16

Erm, boring in that they play board games and climb fucking mountains Hmm. Not my thing.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 19/09/2012 21:17

What ivorhughjanus said, and a bucketful on top.

Guilt at not "giving" them a sibling? Get tae fuck.

valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 21:18

Sorry fake, bit tired and thought you were saying she was boring because of only have one child.

KenLeeeeeee · 19/09/2012 21:18

Ooooh no, I love the chaos of having four and would have more if I could skip the pregnancy bit!

Good organisational skills, being realistic about how long it takes toget ready and out of the house, relaxing about trying to be "perfect" - that will get you much closer to what you perceive to be your friend's better lifestyle. Absolutely bog-all to do with the actual number of kids you have!

Original poster
Mooq · 19/09/2012 21:20

Yes, from my description it may seem like their lives are dull, but they're not as far as I can see. They're always doing 'fun' things and going away - cheaper for them and easier. Their DD gets involved with all sorts and I think that's because she's an only child. For example, she's seems interested in what her parents like so they do the kid stuff, like Lego Land, but they also go to rock music festivals, and they can go to posh restaurants - odd examples I know, but that's just a couple of recent things. My DC just aren't used to that stuff because we always seem to do kid stuff, just to keep them amused.

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 19/09/2012 21:20

Ah, I've only got one - don't want another. Not guilty, etc. I do think it's easier with one in lots of ways but it does sound as if your friend is wonderfully organised. Sadly, not like that in this house! Grin

valiumredhead · 19/09/2012 21:21

I have massive one child guilt, hence my terse reply to fake Blush

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 19/09/2012 21:23

Well you've got two children so better get your head around it.

Sorry to sound off but I think you are being a tad insensitive. Some people on here have lost children and would do anything to them back.

ErikNorseman · 19/09/2012 21:24

YABU to be jealous, but it's quite nice to read someone acknowledging that having one isn't a terrible thing! My DS is 4 and currently an only, I split from my H this year so likely to stay that way for a long time, possibly forever. My life is pretty easy, as single parenthood goes. I can manage all my commitments quite happily, my house is relatively clean and tidy, I don't struggle to 'have it all'. My DS is well adjusted and very happy. I do get pangs that I didn't get to have another one but I don't indulge them because I'm very lucky.

OhDearNigel · 19/09/2012 21:25

why do people think that only children all yearn for a sibling ? There were three of us in my class of 16 at school. None of us would ever, ever, ever wanted a sibling. I can't think of anything worse

Cathycomehome · 19/09/2012 21:25

Sorry, but that stuff about losing a child? Like it would be better if you had "spares"? Omg. A mother of four in our village lost her 19 year old to a car accident, I'm not sure she feels lucky to have three "left over".

I have two now, but my oldest is 12 and youngest 2 months. So two onlies in some ways I guess. So lucky to finally get number two!

Original poster
Mooq · 19/09/2012 21:26

Everlong, apologies. I don't mean to offend anyone. I don't have any experience of losing a child but my mum (before I was born) and my sister do, and I appreciate that it can be utterly unbearable. Sorry.

OP posts:
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