To feel resenment towards well parents, while we're about to be made homeless

[KinkyGerlinky]

Ok I know that I am likely being unreasonable, thread like this always end up in the OP getting flamed for expecting too much but I am hoping there may be some constructive advice too.

DH and I are 29 and we have 3 young DC. We both worked full time, saved like hell and managed to save up for a deposit just as the housing market locked down. We were still renting when we decided DH should go to uni to get a degree as he hit a glass ceiling at work and just couldn't move any further without one. I became a SAHM because we couldn't afford childcare on my wage alone. We get some housing benefit and pay part of teh rent ourselves. Last week our landlady told us she was selling our rented house (we've lived here for 5 years) and we have 2 months to find somehwere else....

The problem is that now neither DH or I are in full time work landlords won't accept us, the council have said it could take 8 years to get a council house but they are prepared to put us up in a homeless hostel until then... If DH leaves uni and gets a job we will never get a mortgage on his wage (they will lend us 30k if he had a 20k salary...) plus he is just about to start his final year so it would be wasted.

We are just worried sick, meanwhile my parents both own large 4 bed houses and neither have offered any help, aibu to be upset and resentful?

I'm about to start a degree whilst working full time, in my 4th year I'll have to write a dissertation whilst still working full time. It is possible.
We rent and had to use all our savings to pay 6 months up front as DH was in the first year of being self employed.

Op clearly won't be back..

Numbertaker - she only had two children when she made the decision.

Madness.

What is that you'd like your parents to do for you, OP?

Ok - you have 8/9 months left of your dh's degree. I think you need to accept that they are going to be really tough. But it is just 9 months so you can get through it.

A lot of these have been mentioned by others but you need to look at:-

Parents act as guarantor on loan
Childcare element of child tax credit
Childcare from student loans
Remembering that there are 7 days in the week so your dh doesn't necessarily need to study Mon - Fri - no childcare costs
Remembering that in the evening kids are asleep so your dh could study while you are at work - no childcare costs
Universities have long holidays and although he'll still need to study the lace will let up
If you get a job you will get 4 - 6 weeks holiday a year (plus bank holidays) which you could take and take over the childcare just before exams / dissertation hand in.

CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE ALERT

"Last week our landlady told us she was selling our rented house (we've lived here for 5 years) and we have 2 months to find somehwere else...."

You have two months notice from a proper SECTION 21 notice have been served in writing. It has to be a formal and legal document. Not just something she is telling you. Has the landlady given notice already? Is it a proper section 21?

If not, wait for it before you do anything.

I'm with married I would love a third but since we would get no help whatsoever we just have to suck it up and stick with the 2 we have and not expect other people to bloody support a decision we have made!

I bet the OP came on here to get a bit of sympathy, and for us for join her in her resentment of her 'rich' parents.

What she really needs, though, is a big kick to get her arse into gear.

I might have been more sympathetic if the OP had taken note of some very good advice given on this thread, and by that I mean something beyond "oh, getting a part time job? That's a good idea, I think I'll look into that"

Makes me wonder what her parents have done to support her through the years, for her to feel so entitled and to be comfortable being supported by others. Perhaps this is the last straw for the parents and they are simply trying to give her the aforementioned kick up the backside?

Just a thought :)

i am shocked at this thread.shocked because usually any talk of people being entitled or benefit scrounging is shouted down with cries of goat.ha ha. glad to see not the usual leftie shite on here but see common sense.op-try and get a job.any job.support your dh and kiss til he finishes uni.though if he manages to walk into a great job with a management degree i.will eat my hat..

Get a guarantor and carry on as you were. Don't mention the HB unless asked.

Haven't read through all your replies so sorry if it's already been said.

My dh had a crap job. He gave up, went back to uni and I Worked. Then when he'd qualifield, (and got a Job), I carried on working, looked after dd1 and did a full degree, and had dd2.

Can't believe before you both gave up your jobs you didn't look into your options. Surely your dh's employers would have seen the benefit of him studying whilst working (an offered some support?). Also looked into student/childcare funding?

However all seems abit late now BUT you can change things...

1. You get a job, any job.
2. Hubby tries to find a evening/weekend job
3. Children go to an ofsted registered childminder/nursery and you will get 80% paid.
4. With one or both in employment ll wouldn't have a problem?
5. Talk to your parents but it's all been your choice and shouldn't be down to them to help you out.

Talk to the uni. They can help financially and practically. Many univesities own houses, they are usually for post grad international students but they exist.

Also stop thinking like a working person and think like a student. Approach landlords who normally let rooms to students. It doesn't make any difference to them if they rent the rooms seperately or as a house.

Would that be any cheaper though, sassh?
My DD is at uni and most of them pay around 300 for a room in a shared house excluding all bills. Most student lets are for 4+ tenants.
Her house has 5 students in it, that's £1,500 a month.

I would've thought if you get a minimum wage job you would still get some housing benefit? I am on just under £16k so above MW but we get some HB, a couple of hundred a month I think (DH unable to work for two years due to injury) and we only have two DCs - I don't see why you would lose HB altogether?

Oh the luxury of living in modern Britiain, where the thought of actually having to work while raising children, or studying, is an option to disreguard on a whim. Or even that old bit of common sense about planning ahead for your own security...

I haven't read all of the thread OP so apologies if this has been covered. I used to be a Housing Officer for a Local Authority (three years since I left). Every LA has different policies and things do change all the time, but I just wanted to say that if I were in your position I would take the offer of temporary accommodation from the council.
The very first thing housing departments do when someone says 'I'm being made homeless' is I look sympathetic and then offer a bit of a scare story (8 years in your case ). Those who say 'no thanks, not good enough' didn't really need the help.
I think you'll be very pleasantly surprised at the outcome, a year or so from now, if you do.
In addition, the LA is legally obliged to pay for storage of your belongings if it accepts your homeless application. Most keep this very quiet.

Op surely you understand peoples pov.
2 healthy adults have given up work so ONE can go to uni, in the hope (not 100%) get a better job. You then go on to have another child, while neither are working. Now are moaning that YOUR decisions have landed you in a bad position.
I am confused as to why neither of you can work? Loads of students have jobs.
YABVU to resent your parents. Ask them to move in, if they say no suck it up. You need to live with the consequences of your actions and choices.

Also your dh could've waited until you had all the kids you planned and waited until they were at school.
When people have kids they can't always do what they want, when they want. Sometimes things have to be timed better.

Quintessential is right - in fact, I think a Section 20 notice has to be served when you first become tenants, and if this hasn't been done the Section 21 is invalid.
Go and see the CAB right now and check your rights. Whatever choices you/your DH have or haven't made, the landlady can't force you out without following due process. Or call Shelter - they give excellent advice.

there is only 8 months more to get though, and i think getting a job would be hard for either, and disruptive to his degree - at this point going part time seems a bit silly,

so - the key problem is the lack of housing.

many people have suggested good places to look, have you tried asking about?

people may take a word-of-mouth recommendation on a tenant they wouldn't usually (given your circumstances) - your current landlady may know someone, your DH's tutors may know someone - university housing office should be able to help - they will know a great number of landlords that don't require salaried tenants, and may have family-suitable accommodation available.

also - if you think 30k is the max a lender would give on a mortgage based on 20k salary, either you are carrying a great deal of non-student loan debt, or you haven't looked very hard.

And I don't know if anyone has pointed this out, but I'm pretty sure your landlady has to get a court order before you can be evicted.

Shelter's housing helpline: 0808 800 4444.

although YABU to resent your parents, they could offer you help as a fall-back position. my parents would.

but they'd also tell me to really look for an alternative solution first.

they could act as guarantors on a rental agreement possibly?

Another thing, is it worth speaking to your landlord about staying longer. They have given you 2 months notice because they want to put their house on the market but it would be beneficial to both of you if you could continue to live there until the house is actually sold as they have no guarantee that it would sell straight away.

We had a similar arrangement when a previous landlord was selling up, we actually moved before it was sold because it was too stressful not knowing when it would happen but may be worth discussing with them to give you a bit longer to find work?

OP - only read first page but it sounds like distance learning might be the answer for your DH with his degree. OU is one option but UoL also do a large range of distance learning degrees. If they offer your OHs degree I would look into whether he can transfer on to a distance learning course taking the credits already earned in his current degree forward onto new DL degree. I don't know whether this is possible, but worth looking into.

Distnace learning is a hard slog and takes self discipline but is entirely possible while either working full time or while managing children at home - I have done it myself and have friends that have done a law degree this way, one is now a barrister and the other has just qualified as a solicitor.

Also, if you worked full time, would you not get the childcare element of tax credits to cover child care costs? I don't know much about tax credits but I thought this was exactly the point of the childcare element, to cover childcare for people whose wages are too low to cover it. Maybe I am naive.

I don't understand how you can't get a mortgage to be honest.