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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel resenment towards well parents, while we're about to be made homeless

301 replies

KinkyGerlinky · 18/09/2012 19:35

Ok I know that I am likely being unreasonable, thread like this always end up in the OP getting flamed for expecting too much but I am hoping there may be some constructive advice too.

DH and I are 29 and we have 3 young DC. We both worked full time, saved like hell and managed to save up for a deposit just as the housing market locked down. We were still renting when we decided DH should go to uni to get a degree as he hit a glass ceiling at work and just couldn't move any further without one. I became a SAHM because we couldn't afford childcare on my wage alone. We get some housing benefit and pay part of teh rent ourselves. Last week our landlady told us she was selling our rented house (we've lived here for 5 years) and we have 2 months to find somehwere else....

The problem is that now neither DH or I are in full time work landlords won't accept us, the council have said it could take 8 years to get a council house but they are prepared to put us up in a homeless hostel until then... If DH leaves uni and gets a job we will never get a mortgage on his wage (they will lend us 30k if he had a 20k salary...) plus he is just about to start his final year so it would be wasted.

We are just worried sick, meanwhile my parents both own large 4 bed houses and neither have offered any help, aibu to be upset and resentful?

OP posts:
MousyMouse · 19/09/2012 12:58

just the rules for council housing...

op of course one (or both) of you can work. what really is stopping you? yes childcare is expensive but there are many options out there. get of your arses and get looking for solutions.

PineappleBed · 19/09/2012 13:13

Op hope you haven't been scared to death by the thread. There's sone good advice here so read it all.

I think some answers to the following would help people advise:

  1. Have you actually been served notice properly?
  2. What do you want from your folks?
  3. Do you still have your deposit money?

Is the problem just somewhere to live? If so then your parents as guarantor is probably easiest or a Hb friendly landlord - they do exist.

Is you DH's job guaranteed? If not I think you need to seek employment now as once the student loan is up you need income! You can work out child care especially through either the ways suggested above or if you get shift work and can work at night whilst your DH is at hone. I think you need to get used to the idea of him working much more flexibly and you both being tired as sleep will need to take a back seat to work and childcare.

iwantsomepeachcookies · 19/09/2012 13:20

Some vile posts here, very unsupportive.

OP of course yanbu. Any parent should want to help their child, even an adult child, when they are in dire straits, and any normal parent would try to help rather than see their children and grandchildren go into a homeless hostel, if they are able to help.

Leave the OP alone about her choices, she does not have to justify them to any of you narrow minded people who are bashing her.

BlazerOfGlory · 19/09/2012 13:21

Hmm Oh please. Grow up.

Original poster
KinkyGerlinky · 19/09/2012 13:45

I actually think this thread has opened my eyes and made me feel more positive about things. I have been searching for jobs this morning and there are a few I'm following up. I would only be able to get a minimum wage job as I have no qualifications so now it is just a question of securing one, but I certainly think this would be possible within 2 months! This would also solve the housing issue.

OP posts:
catwoo · 19/09/2012 13:45

'Leave the OP alone about her choices, she does not have to justify them to any of you narrow minded people who are bashing her. '

But it is key to the whole issue.Their choices (which IMO were foolhardy and irresponsible) are the direct cause of her predicament!
I suspect her DH has been passed over for promotion and instead of telling him he's not good enopugh , they have spared his feelings and told him it is because he not a graduate.

Original poster
KinkyGerlinky · 19/09/2012 13:50

catwoo - massive assumption there Hmm . DH is planning to go back on a graduate training scheme, they wouldn't let him do this before because you need to be a graduate. If not the same company he will join another on a graduate training scheme.

OP posts:
ChazsGoldAttitude · 19/09/2012 13:51

Kinky
You've taken some fairly robust comments with good grace. Best of luck with the job hunting. In the long run I hope your choices work out well for you and your family once you get over this blip.

We all find that things sometimes don't go to plan, its how you deal with it that matters.

Original poster
KinkyGerlinky · 19/09/2012 13:53

ChazsGoldAttitude - Thanks Smile, you know what, there are worse crimes than wanting to better yourself by getting a degree. Fair enough it was a risk but we're ok, our children are not starving, DH will be qualified in 8 months time and we can move onwards and upwards.

OP posts:
SuperB0F · 19/09/2012 13:54

Absolutely, Chaz.

cantspel · 19/09/2012 13:56

Has he already been offered a place on this scheme subject to his passing his degree?

If yes could you show the prospective landlords his job offer so they know that the housing benefit is only a short term thing.

redwineformethanks · 19/09/2012 13:56

MousyMouse / Quint..... my understanding is that if you have a local connection and are classed as "not voluntarily homeless" then the local authority have a duty to provide housing. In other words, if a landlord sends an email asking you to leave, then that is not valid Notice to Quit, so can be ignored. If landlord serves a proper Notice to Quit, then the tenant is in a stronger position to approach the local authority

QuintessentialShadows · 19/09/2012 14:01

I am glad to see you are taking everything in good graze.

However, has your landlady given you a proper section 21 notice in writing, or did she just tell you in person? If she just told you in person, you should wait until proper notice is served before you start making plans to move. She needs to give two full months notice in writing.

Are you sure your husband will be eligible for a graduate trainee scheme? Many of them have age limitations.

Shenanagins · 19/09/2012 14:03

Kinky, glad to hear that you are taking something positive from this thread as there are a lot of words of wisdom in here.

I would like to add a word of caution re your DH joining the graduate training scheme. Unless he has a gauranteed place then these tend to have a very tough recruitment process and most schemes are hugely over subscribed, with the difficulty for recruiters is differentiating amongst very high calibre candidates.

Graduates really need to demonstrate other attributes other than just having a (typically 2:1) degree. They need to show that they have applied themselves to other areas, taking on responsibilities, having contributed to society, etc.

I have an interest in this area and read up on the whole graduate recruitment area and also see the skills that successful candidates on these schemes have and it is pretty formidable what they have achieved coupled with studying (and usually working in a part-time job.

Your DH will have an advantage in that he has experience in the work place but that was four years ago and recruiters are going to ask what has he done since as the world has moved on since then.

You need to encourage him to take control of the situation as well as this is an important life skill that recruiters want to see.

aufaniae · 19/09/2012 14:04

I would not advise the OP to ignore the landlord's notice to quit (if not a section 21) if there's any chance they need a reference for the new place!

MummytoKatie · 19/09/2012 14:06

I think it is useful to point out to the Op that the situation she is in partly due to her own choices rather than through being terribly unlucky. I don't think it is particularly helpful to vilify her other and over. She has made some daft choices - she hasn't killed anyone!

Op - as an aside if your dh wants a place on a graduate scheme then it is vital that he gets a 2.1 or better. Grad schemes are notoriously difficult to get on (we had over 100 applicants for about 5 slots last year) and without a 2.1 he won't even get looked at.

QuintessentialShadows · 19/09/2012 14:08

If you read correctly, Aufania you will see that I am not advising the OP to ignore a proper notice, but to wait until one is served!

If they prepare to leave in two months time, without a proper notice, they risk that the landlady hold them to their contract, and ask THEM to give a two month notice, (as she has not given one) in which case they will have contractual obligation to pay rent for another two months...

ThreeWheelsGood · 19/09/2012 14:10

" . DH is planning to go back on a graduate training scheme, they wouldn't let him do this before because you need to be a graduate. If not the same company he will join another on a graduate training scheme."

you know how ridiculously competitive it is at the moment to get a job, right? Most graduate training schemes now are taking graduates with traditional degrees from traditional universities, because they have their pick. Your DH needs to study part time and get a job relevant to his career on the side to distinguish himself, this would also help your housing prospects. I can't believe your blind optimism!

MorallyBankrupt · 19/09/2012 14:20

Why won't you answer about the deposit?! If you still have that money you should be spending that before wanting help from your parents.

amybelle1990 · 19/09/2012 14:45

Hello,

Sorry I haven't read the entire thread so I don't know if this has been suggested, but surely the university offer hardship funds and emergency accommodation?

Also, YANBU to be resentful to your parents, but be careful with how you express it. The situation isn't their fault and they might want to wait until the last minute to help out so that you could be as independent as possible

Again, sorry if I've missed something important in the thread.

squeakytoy · 19/09/2012 14:47

Having no qualifications does not mean you have to be on minimum wage!

I know plenty of people with no qualifications but plenty of confidence and ambition and ability that are in very good jobs.

Ajobforlife · 19/09/2012 14:47

Agree with Shenanagins and Three Wheels, Please take your 'rose tinted glasses' of. Every year there are thousands of graduates joining the job market, a degree is not the 'Willie Wonka' annswer! I don't agree with your logic, but whats done is done, don't compound the problem by refusing to see that unfortunately for us all, the world is a very different place now than it was 5 or 6 years ago.

Original poster
KinkyGerlinky · 19/09/2012 15:24

I'm ducking out now, thanks for the good advice.

Yes we are optimistic, although I disagree we are blindly so. I think it is getting a bit silly now with "you can get a great job with no qualifications" to "He won't stand a chance getting a job with a degree", I'm not taking the bait, farewell! Smile

OP posts:
Veryfrustratedandfedup · 19/09/2012 15:32

It's a shame you've been made to feel pushed off your own thread Kinky

All the best to you all, hope you manage to get somewhere to live sorted soon :)

gettingeasier · 19/09/2012 15:37

I agree its quite incredible you should be thinking "Oh why wont my parents help" rather than "Oh I could get a job " and its taken advice from thread for it to occur to you.

In 1986 I worked throughout my degree course as a single young woman but your DH hasnt worked in any of the extremely long holidays never mind during term time ? Unless he is at Oxbridge where it is not allowed then why not ?

Usually when someone on here takes a pasting I am sympathetic but not this time