To feel resenment towards well parents, while we're about to be made homeless

[KinkyGerlinky]

Ok I know that I am likely being unreasonable, thread like this always end up in the OP getting flamed for expecting too much but I am hoping there may be some constructive advice too.

DH and I are 29 and we have 3 young DC. We both worked full time, saved like hell and managed to save up for a deposit just as the housing market locked down. We were still renting when we decided DH should go to uni to get a degree as he hit a glass ceiling at work and just couldn't move any further without one. I became a SAHM because we couldn't afford childcare on my wage alone. We get some housing benefit and pay part of teh rent ourselves. Last week our landlady told us she was selling our rented house (we've lived here for 5 years) and we have 2 months to find somehwere else....

The problem is that now neither DH or I are in full time work landlords won't accept us, the council have said it could take 8 years to get a council house but they are prepared to put us up in a homeless hostel until then... If DH leaves uni and gets a job we will never get a mortgage on his wage (they will lend us 30k if he had a 20k salary...) plus he is just about to start his final year so it would be wasted.

We are just worried sick, meanwhile my parents both own large 4 bed houses and neither have offered any help, aibu to be upset and resentful?

quintessential those are the rules if anybody regardless of employment suituation needs to make a homeless application.

if you leave a tenancy even if asked to unless a judge has ordered it or court ordered balifs turn up then you will be found intentionally homeless and the local authority will discharge there duty to house you and the term 'intentionally homeless' can follow you for ages so say you go to a b&b/friends/family stay 3 weeks but then leave that the la can go back to your last secure housing i.e the tenancy you left willingly and will still discharge the duty.

the gov makes these rules not the tenants or benefit claiments you may wish to direct your thoughts on the matter in the correct direction.

Have a look at the supermarkets recruitment sites. They often advertise there rather than in the local press. There are often weekend and evening jobs and delivery driver type things going.

'One of my therapists favourite questions is 'Why do you feel so entitled?' - none of us are owed anything really.'

You pay someone money to come up with tripe like this and he/she bangs on about entitlement? PMSL!

"quintessential those are the rules if anybody regardless of employment suituation needs to make a homeless application."

I dont doubt that.

But I take objection to this sort of advise brandied about to able bodied adults who are choosing not to work!

Why shall they put their landlady into trouble just because they cant be arsed to look for work?

I dont know if anyone else has said this-cba reading whole 12 pages-but has it ever occured to you that, seeing as 60 odd percent of all renters get some housing benefit, people just don't tell landlords they get housing benefit?

Just lie like everybody else FGS.

is it not more the point that you have issues with people not working full stop (excluding disability) rather than them obtaining advice? they cant change the advice they will be given by the la and even if they did both get jobs they may still need la housing as such the advice would be the same.

unemployed couple and working couple will be given the very same homelessness advice

To be honest I would understand if your parent s did not want you living with them. They are probably looking forward to a peaceful retirement then to have 2 adults and 3 young children move in with them would be very hard

No, I have issues with people deliberately causing trouble for others!

i feel for you to a certain point but when you have children your priorities should change we cant all deceide to jack in our jobs do a course hoping it will benefit us in the long run how many hours does your dh do at uni from what i remember some 15 hr a week courses were classed as full time as for childcare issues both me and dh work opposite shifts to accomadate childcare we get little time together as a family but we cant afford childcare so have to make sacrifices .I worked nights for three years four a week to accomadate childcare up untill being seven months pregnant i was bloody knackered but hasd to do it also i know pleanty of people who have worked and gone to uni at same time whilst bringing up children it can be done.

so do i but i compleatly understand why one would if thats the only option the la give you

you know what, there are worse crimes than wanting to better yourself by getting a degree.

Thats not actually where you went wrong though, is it? Getting a degree is a great idea, giving up TWO jobs to do it is a very very stupid idea. I'm sure you appreciate the difference.

You mean, if you dont want to work, or you have exhausted all the possibilities?

Because in this case, and I did not believe we were discussing neither benefits, nor homelessness in general, in this case, we are talking about two fully capable adults, parents of 3 children, who have chosen to leave the workforce, and had absolutely no inclination to look for work, but were expecting parents to help. And for them to first and foremost look to make themselves homeless, and put their landlady through trouble, rather than seek employment, is beyond the pale. In my opinion.

so would it be ok if they worked?

True enough, Socking, particularly for the working poor. If they are served notice by their landlord, can't afford another deposit+rent+moving costs or find a landlord who will take housing benefit, and live in a council where their private landlord has to go through the eviction process in order for them to be considered homeless, well . . .

Shit happens, and some of it is outside your control, and some of it isn't. You have to be responsible for your own choices, and the consequences. OP's aibu is actually: "aibu to resent my well off parents for not digging me out of the mess I made for myself".
And the only answer to that is yabu.

kinky - I would try and enlist your LLs help.She may know other LLs who would much rather have a reference from someone they know, than through the useless (speaking as a LL) letting agents vetting procerdure

If your dh needs to study then why can't you work in a restaurant or bar in the evenings so your dh can work at home while the dc's sleep. You or your dh could also work one day each weekend - I am sure he can have one day off studying a week. If you want your dp's to help, you could also ask them to look after the dc's one day a week while you work. Are the dc's not at nursery yet? You may be able to get vouchers to cover the fees.

If you are desperate, then you may have to ask your dps for some financial help, and then pay them back in the future. My dp's would always help me if I was in need, whether it was my fault or not.

Kinky; I haven't read the thread so I don't know if this is any help, but I'm a finance advisors and my speciality (so to speak!!) is student parents, i might be able to help make sure you're getting everything you're entitled to. If you pm me some figures and what you're currently receiving I could help.

Obviously only if you want to!!

Op - it may be worth posting on the employment thread asking for advice for getting on a graduate scheme. There are loads of us on here who do grad recruitment in one way or another so you should be able to get some good tips!

Tip 1 - start looking now - some of the schemes open on 1st September and close before Xmas.

Socknickingpixie Wed 19-Sep-12 17:13:28
so would it be ok if they worked?

I feel compelled to reply to you one more time. The OP would not be in this situation if either of them worked.
You seem to be talking in general about the ins and outs of unemployment, homelessness and council housing, I am talking about this specific OPs situation.

My advice to Kinky is (in summary):

1. Try to find work, any work
2. Wait for your formal section 21 notice if non has been given
3. Dont put yourself in a situation where the landlady has to evict you, having a county court judgment against you will not count in your favour with other landlords or mortgage lenders

In my perhaps naive view, Op and her family will be better of to work, for her dh to complete his degree, and not make it more difficult for themselves in the future by going down the eviction route, emergency B&Bs and council housing, in order for the status quo of them not working but getting a council house. They were working towards buying property before he embarked on his studies, so should perhaps try to keep aiming for this, rather than torpedoing their own credit rating.

Kinky many of the graduate schemes have a recruitment window once a year, normally in September/October so your DH needs to be applying now. I was on a graduate scheme (22,000 applicants for 300 places in my year and that was pre-recession) I applied in September and started the following September as that's how long the interviewing, vetting etc took. Just FYI, so get him applying now.

Even though your dhs company said he needed to do the graduate scheme, I reckon they still need him to follow company procedure and complete the process, with the other graduate trainees. He cant expect to get different treatment. He may submit a covering letter referring to his many years with said company, mentioning that it was suggested he return to the company on the graduate scheme.

out of intrest exactly how does a court ordered eviction cause a problem with a credit rating if its not also combined with a ccj for rent arrears? as far as im aware it wont even a costs order wont.

YANBU. Yes it was a gamble but you are where you are. Your family should help.