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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel resenment towards well parents, while we're about to be made homeless

301 replies

KinkyGerlinky · 18/09/2012 19:35

Ok I know that I am likely being unreasonable, thread like this always end up in the OP getting flamed for expecting too much but I am hoping there may be some constructive advice too.

DH and I are 29 and we have 3 young DC. We both worked full time, saved like hell and managed to save up for a deposit just as the housing market locked down. We were still renting when we decided DH should go to uni to get a degree as he hit a glass ceiling at work and just couldn't move any further without one. I became a SAHM because we couldn't afford childcare on my wage alone. We get some housing benefit and pay part of teh rent ourselves. Last week our landlady told us she was selling our rented house (we've lived here for 5 years) and we have 2 months to find somehwere else....

The problem is that now neither DH or I are in full time work landlords won't accept us, the council have said it could take 8 years to get a council house but they are prepared to put us up in a homeless hostel until then... If DH leaves uni and gets a job we will never get a mortgage on his wage (they will lend us 30k if he had a 20k salary...) plus he is just about to start his final year so it would be wasted.

We are just worried sick, meanwhile my parents both own large 4 bed houses and neither have offered any help, aibu to be upset and resentful?

OP posts:
BlazerOfGlory · 19/09/2012 09:31

a lack of income generally means no mortgage.

EdgarAllanPond · 19/09/2012 09:47

yes - the op said 'if he got 20k we'd only get 30k' obviously he's a student now, so that's not an option now though it might be in 8 months time if/when he went back to work,

GoldShip · 19/09/2012 09:49

blazer I'm reading what she wrote which you arent I'm guessing. She said if DP left his job he'd be on 20k but 'they'd never get a mortgage'

BlazerOfGlory · 19/09/2012 09:54

I have actually. They have no income, why do you imagine they could get a mortgage? The hypothetical job he might have isn't generally enough for the banks.

By I don't understand how you can't get a mortgage to be honest. did you actually mean "I don't understand why you wouldn't get a mortgage if you had the job you think you might get", because thats an entirely different thing.

StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2012 09:56

this whole thread makes little sense

StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2012 09:57

OP can you explain why your DH being a student means you would only get a min wage job?

GoldShip · 19/09/2012 09:57

But I'm talkin about her saying HE COULD LEAVE UNI AND GET A 20K JOB. They COULD get a mortgage then.

No I didn't mean that because I'm replying to where she said 'we will never get a mortgage'

I didn't think I'd have to be that specific because I didn't think people would be so obtuse as to not look at what I meant Hmm

StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2012 10:04

yes, that made no sense to me - are mortgage lenders really only lending 1.5x now?

BlazerOfGlory · 19/09/2012 10:05

Then you need to work on your grammar, because thats not what you said.

And do people just walk out of a half finished degree and into a 20k job? In this market? Who knew it was so easy! And the fact that you'd need to be working in that job for at least 6 months, and that at current conservative lending rates that would give them a max mortgage of about 50k (which will buy a big enough house for 5 people, will it?) rather renders your comment null and void, don't you think?

Veryfrustratedandfedup · 19/09/2012 10:06

Gosh, what a thread.

OP, I really can't understand why you aren't working? I imagine your DH isn't actually in uni for that many hours per week, therefore his studying can be arranged more or less to suit him.

Why can't you get a part time job during the day and then he get one for the evenings? The hours would probably equate to the equivalent of full time that way. What about doing something like care work? It's very flexible and you can easily condense your hours to full time over 3 days or so.

I think you've been given a hard time on this thread and some posters have been overly harsh, however I do feel it was an irresponsible choice that you and your DH made, and that you need to take steps to improve things for yourselves.

NorkyButNice · 19/09/2012 10:14

One of my therapists favourite questions is 'Why do you feel so entitled?' - none of us are owed anything really, yes it would be nice to have some help from your folks if it seems they are sitting pretty but maybe they think you'll not make the best choices if they hand you a pile of cash.

JennerOSity · 19/09/2012 11:20

BlackberryIce - no of course not really actually single-parent - hence why it was in ' ' marks. I meant, as described, that we were never together for most of the 3 years, except in the summer holidays, as we passed the baton of the children back and forth much as separated parents do when they have joint custody. I was not saying I was a single parent, which I think was pretty clear tbh.

geegee888 · 19/09/2012 11:28

I'm intrigued as to which degree the DH is doing, since it seems to preclude him from having at least a part-time job, as most students do now. Or why he didn't do something like an MBA in his spare time/evenings/day release or other appropriate work sponsored degree. Maybe its a law degree? (still wouldn't preclude a part-time job though).

I'm also intrigued as to the notion that the life of the aristocracy should be for all. Surely giving up your job is something you do only if you have funds from elsewhere to fund it?

Its also going to look far more inviting to prospective employers for you both if you work during this period, even if only part-time/low paid.

JennerOSity · 19/09/2012 11:35

OP said it was a Business and Management degree.

Noqontrol · 19/09/2012 11:44

Sorry, haven't ploughed through all the posts, but has your husband checked the university for housing? Lots of landlords advertise there, and sometimes the university itself has family housing.

MorallyBankrupt · 19/09/2012 11:44

What utter self important twattery. I hate all this bullshit about wanting a better life, great, we all do, must most of us don't do it at the tax payers expense.

You dnt jack in 2 jobs and decide to start leeching off the state and then have another child Shock

You do a degree part time, you do it around looking after children so the other one is working. I fancy another degree shall I tell DH to jack his job in so he can have the DC while I pursue my dreams?! Or shall I decide not to be a twat and do it in the evenings so DH can keep working and we actually support ourselves?

EdgarAllanPond · 19/09/2012 12:28

indeed, Nationwide allow you to include govt benefits as an income on their calculator...though i imagine 20 k would still come out in the region of 80k mortgage - unless you carry large debts elsewhere

QuintessentialShadows · 19/09/2012 12:38

But why should they even be given the option to become the landlady's problem - why even tell them that staying on in the property, against the landladys wishes, defaulting on rent, etc is even an option?

That is terrible advise!

Why should the landlady be left with the problem of a family of 5 refusing to leave her property, when she wants to sell it?
What has the landlady done to deserve the stresses of getting a court order and evicting them?

Seriously, why?

Why would deliberately making themselves homeless, getting a county court judgement against their names, and bad credit rating be the way to go?
How will that help them find work, advance their careers, and get a step up the housing ladder?

What landlord would take them then?
What mortgage lender would lend them money for buying property?

EdgarAllanPond · 19/09/2012 12:46

i think part of the problem with the op is it reads as though shes facing immediate homelessness in the title, when she and her Dh still have 2 months to find another option.

MousyMouse · 19/09/2012 12:47

quint because that are the rules atm apparently.
you are only re-housed by the council if you have done everything (including sitting it out and waiting for the bailiffs) to not become homeless...

SuperB0F · 19/09/2012 12:48

There are landlords who take HB claimants, just not so many. It is a case of finding them, and not being defeatist about it. This situation should mean homelessness by any means.

QuintessentialShadows · 19/09/2012 12:50

Really, these are the rules? This is what you do when you are two able bodied adults choosing not to work, these are the rules to what to do? Sit it out, become other peoples problem, and wait for the council to give you a home?

Rules to modern code of conduct, eh?

OrangeFireandGoldashes · 19/09/2012 12:50

If he can go back to his previous employer after graduation, can he not contact them about going back to work now, with two years under his belt, and do the final year part-time?

I honestly have never come across a situation where a company demands a degree to progress internally without at least the option of some kind of workplace support for studying, and I've worked all over the place. Especially not a degree in something like Business & Management - fair enough if it was law or medicine related.

Jux · 19/09/2012 12:52

I went to Uni in my 30s. I worked pt for the whole 3 years, including my final year when I had to do my dissertation. I didn't have dependants, admittedly, but that also meant that there was no one in my household bringing in any money, so that when I had none, I had none and had to go without (tea bags, milk, bread etc - sometimes I really had nothing). Other mature students had partners who worked, so didn't have to think about not even having a slice of bread, let alone how on earth to pay the rent.

Your dh is lucky. He can look after a baby during the day, while still thinking and planning his dissertation etc. You can work ft.

squeakytoy · 19/09/2012 12:57

"I honestly have never come across a situation where a company demands a degree to progress internally without at least the option of some kind of workplace support for studying, and I've worked all over the place. Especially not a degree in something like Business & Management - fair enough if it was law or medicine related"

Me neither, and for OP to say that "he did really well there but couldn't move further without a degree - or being in the same role for teh next 20 years." proves even further that it is bullshit..