TO THINK MIXED RACE PEOPLE ARE TREATED DIFFERENTLY?

[MyBaby1day]

As a young woman who is half Asian, half English I think this is so. I also have an illness (and maybe good genes too ) that also makee me look a LOT younger than my age and when people see me quite a few (especially women) smile like cheshire cats.....maybe I'm just being too suspicious but somehow I don't always think it's genuine. Kind of like spot me (smiling)......"oh sweet half Asian girl"...I walk away....YUK!, how could her Mother! . Then you get people who as soon as they see a white woman in tow with a clearly looking half Asian person....lets just say the look on their face says it all!. Some people are cool with it but I just think when it happens it's oppressive and wrong!. I NEVER judge other people (who behave in a reasonably decent way) and think everyone else should be the same. Before anyone asks I am very happy about my racial heritage, tapping into both my Asian and English roots (the Asian side kind of dominates) but overall love it. I must also be fair and say I have also had prejudice of some Asian people also (but not half as much). I just thought I'de raise the issue!, it might help in the fight against racism. Your thoughts?.

On second thought, I apologise to OP, and rescind my comment. Nasty and uncalled for. Sorry.

As a mixed heritage person I know exactly what the OP is talking about.

The smiles are the one's you get when you spot someone is staring at you, almost studying you, and as you look up or toward them, they start strangely smiling. Its almost like a polite racism and this always comes across if you happen to engage them in a conversation. Or, sometimes you turn around after passing them in the street to see them shaking their head and scowling or you catch them making a nasty remark. I personally like to think of those people as the polite racists anyway.

I have learned to live with it.

Yes, it does happen on both sides too sadly. DH and I are from the same country on both our mothers' sides but he is dark and I am light toned so we look like an interracial couple. We literally have been stared at open mouthed by people or had comments made.

There are also the positive racists. The kind who find it all so sweet its sickening. Its like being a fluffy little rabbit in a petting zoo that they want to stroke and touch because of how sweet and exotic I am. They are the one's who carry the assumption that mixed race children will save the world from all the religious, cultural and other division humanity faces now. Its not racism in the classical sense and it is not malicious, its just that it still singles out the mixed child as some sort of 'other' and it is not pleasant to be on the end of no matter how much good intention is behind it. Gwendoline's post above is an example (sorry Gwendoline).

OP YANBU but from my experience of discussing race on MN, a lot of MN's won't understand. Some will, but much like with everything else, it has to be experienced first hand to be really understood.

Hi WorldCitezen, interesting what your friend does, is that what they call positive discrimination?

Hey hardly I believe positive discrimination is when people say and think such things as oh wow al these black/mixed race girls are sooooo pretty and they have all these fantastic bodies and this natural feminine poise and are all fit to be natural mothers as they are so warm and friendly....or all blacks are fantastic singers and dancers. I'd say something along those lines, but am sure someone will bring some other better examples.

Not sure hardly what it is. As I believe there must be something like hidden guilt behind this behaviour or maybe being aware of some sort of collective guilt maybe?!
And being this way especially towards Black or Mixed race with Black?! He is early 40's now.

I am wondering about this a lot, as it would not cross my mind that someone would not want to sit beside me or I would not want to sit beside someone based on their racial/ethnic phenotype, for lack of a better word here.

Im mixed and look it. Born mid 70s and while people do sometimes look at me in that way still, its a huge deal better than it was. Mixed is the fastest growing ethnic category on the UK census (and one day we will rule the world ), I notice far more mixed children about than when I was growing up. Sometimes I see their parents or mixed couples looking at me and I know they are wondering 'will our child look like her' and it makes me smile.

I do breathe out a great sigh of enjoyment whenever I get to London as I dont stand out as much there and thats nice as sometimes it does get a bit wearing.
As a parent myself I also remember wondering when I was pregnant - what will the baby look like, will I look like her nanny? ect and think thats natural in a cross racial relationship. That bothers me more but I can see how people wonder why the blond haired blue eyed toddler and the black/mixed woman are having a kiss-fest! Over affectionate nanny they probably think!

Sorry mybaby just gone on about myself instead of responding to you and you are clearly upset so I'll try to tell you a bit about what I do/think. If you live somewhere awful and the contact is uncomfortable, move. Seriously, lifes too short to live under attack. Otherwise my advice would not be to think too much about what people really think behind smiles etc - judge their behaviour and dont try to guess their thoughts (it'll drive you crazy) and allow your behaviour be what they judge.
From my point of view people are racist - sometimes in fairly innocuous ways like thinking all mixed people are all sooo pretty (barf!) - but thats how the world is right now. Challenge the really awful bits, but with some people just think 'well at least its dying out'. Elderly people are often more racist and I must admit I do sometimes think 'phew at least you'll be dead in 10 you nasty old so and so'.

Maybe you can acknowledge that for some you are just a novelty - I sometimes realise that even in this day and age some people ahve never directly dealt with someone who looks like me so god know what media and other messages they ahve cluttering up their brains. I do a job that involves me going into peoples houses and I see the 'gosh is she a criminal fear' cross peoples faces. For insatnce I dont do unexpected house calls as late as some of my white colleagues. But I try not to let it bother me, Im extra sweet, professional and polite and even when someone says (and they ahve) 'Im so amazed at how nice and polite you are...' with the undertone of I thought you'd be a real hoodlum cos well..youre black. I try to just shrug and move on. I do think black men have it much tougher than mixed/black women
Racism in the young makes me sad. I can see some people on here just dont know what its like to be mixed and how confusing it can be to have these weird nuanced experiences - sometimes when you just arent expecting it! The most frequent abuse I get is when latino men think Im latina and then get very irate when I say I dont speak any spanish cos they think Im just trying to get out of talking to them. Eh?!!!

God just read some more of the thread and totally agree about the things Thai/Vietnamese women face. Clocked that one many times. Another group that has it particualrly tough

Firsttimer thanks for bringing up the point about Thai/Vietnamese

I was meant to say before, just because one ethnic/racial or even religious group has grown up knowing how it is to be pointed at, or to be hassled, discriminated against, wondered about etc...

DOES NOT make them instantly experts in knowing how other groups and individuals feel about or perceive these issues.
And there is no such thing, as in automatically not being prone yourself to racism or prejudice.

These women mentioned above, I have no clue, as in no personal experience, how it must be to be them.
I have no clue what they have to listen to or go through or not.

I am hearing this on here for the very first time, about being harassed as described on this thread. And I believe every single word of it and feel hurt for them.
I can totally imagine a mixed-race teenager also taking part in this sort of taunting, for example.
Very often parents or communities discuss racism, discrimination and unfairness, but seem to look most of the time at themselves, and not at the bigger picture and therefore then have next generations also possibly being perpetrators themselves, such as taunting an Asian Muslim, or a Sub-Saharan Black Muslim woman with her children, for example who got to the UK from Mali not too long ago.
You could also find racism and discrimination possibly from Asian Muslim folks who feel she is Black, African, and a refugee, and not British, so therefore an easy target...

World citezen I can sort of understand it from a certain point of you - you know when you want to act normal but realise something else might be expected and then you're trying to act EXTRA normal and before you know it you don't know where you are.
I'm a bit of wierd case having only 'become' a minority in later life, so I don't feel I can claim to understand much about prejudice, but I have a mixed race son. Most things I take quite lightly (the most common comment I get is 'are you hot in that?'), which gets a bit tiresome. What REALLY annoys me is when people look at me, then look in the pushchair to see what colour the baby is!
Did anyone see the programme called 'mixed race britain' or something along those lines? I loved that programme, it made me feel very emotional as it felt like the history of the world I know, being part of a mixed race family and most of our friends being mixed race familys as well. I also felt very emotional and grateful towards the brave souls who had mixed race relationships back when it was very controvsersial, which I feel has paved the way for me to be having an easy time of doing it now.

Hardly yes maybe it is this trying to be EXTRA normal, sort of overcompensating.
I think, many people could have an understanding of what prejudice feels like, maybe not always related to race, heritage and religion. Possibly related to which region someone comes from, which accents one speaks with, what your parents or family are, which side of the town you come from, what sort of housing you grew up in etc.
I can imagine this to be an issue for many people...

And no unfortunately I haven't seen the programme as I am not in the UK.

And the comments about your dresscode, well I don't even know what to say. So many people are simply elephants in a porcelain store...

worldcitizen i'd never really thought about prejuduce like that before, but that makes sense to me. Sort of a continuum depending on your circumstances, rather than only relevant to certain groups.
I certainly remember being teased all the way through school about my perceived social and financial background, which was percieved as different from those around me. I had never thought about it as prejudice before.
I also suspect we all have prejudices of one kind or another if we look at ourselves closely. Could it be that we could all be a victim or a perpetrator given certain circumstances?

hardly yes I believe that this is not only relevant to certain groups. I also definitely believe we all could be perpetrators at some point in time without even being aware of it...but I think this would call for an entire new thread

Oh dear yes, sorry OP gone off topic

I wonder if the op and ldnmummy when describing the staring, the muttered comments, the touching etc realise that this is something that mnmany young attractive women who look a bit 'different' get?

Or are you only allowed to describe it as racism if you're dark skinned? I'm mixed race, but its two European races, and very blonde, a d you probably wouldn't believe some of the comments I get, or the staring. I've had comments about everything from the shape of my nose to the colour of my hair and am often asked 'youre not from around here are you?'. I had to you're all an ambulance once, and the ambulance men told me my lips and eyes were swollen as they were an 'unusual shape'.

I've never gone on the defensive thinking this is racism. Just as most blonde women with a non British ancestor who've been called a 'dumb blonde' or similar haven't done either. A lot of this is par for the course if you're an attractive female.

Bloody hell I am getting sick of hearing about all of these troubled self proclaimed attractive/beautiful women!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder you know and whilst you may look in the mirror and see a stunner the rest of us might see something entirely different you know.

Please enough of the I'm so beautiful poor little me attitude!

A mix of two European races that's interesting never heard of that before

freudian don't even get me started on that...

Ever heard of the Sami, Freudian?

Yes I have. are Sami considered a different race.... Are they not european/caucasian?

Though I do know they have been treated appalingly and some have a look of mixed with southeast asian, yes so get your point

But blonde jokes as tiresome and upsetting as they can be are not racist, neither is ginger or sheepshagger and so on

I think you are confusing the civil and criminal definitions of race and ethnic background Freudian. Because what you appear to be suggesting is that a white person in the UK could not be racially discriminated against. Or suffer from racism.

Which is actually rather racist. I an sure the poles, Germans, Lithuanians etc etc who have suffered from racism would be relieved to hear this theory.

Exactly, ginger and sheepshagger is appalling. I call out anyone I hear expressing this and it#s neither funny nor a joke nor anything in my book!!!!

FWIW it's never the mixed race kids in school that get bullied these days, they are 'cool'

I would say they do suffer from prejudice attitudes yes and now certain right wing parties have targeted certain Europeans which is ironic as only a few years ago if you were white Christian European you were ok seems that is not always the case. Racism well its a difficult one, it's one race suppressing or trying to another to another judging someone on their race. Do I think. German or polish person walking down the road may be targeted the same way as a black or Asian person no I do not. The prejudice I have witnessed towards other Europeans has not been so full of hatred saying that it has increased in recent years

I never said that blonde, ginger, sheepshagger remarks are ok but they are not the same as racism we do not have political parties claiming that blonde/red haired people are inferior. Despite the so called jokes that is what they are pathetic stupid and often hurtful bully remarks but it is not racisim

Yes, claiming people are inferior...that is the issue.

havent caught up with whole thread-but historical context has alot to do with it-ginger people havent suffered centuries of oppression have they.....

and nelly that is bollocks