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AIBU?

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Original poster

TO THINK MIXED RACE PEOPLE ARE TREATED DIFFERENTLY?

246 replies

MyBaby1day · 15/09/2012 04:09

As a young woman who is half Asian, half English I think this is so. I also have an illness (and maybe good genes too Grin) that also makee me look a LOT younger than my age and when people see me quite a few (especially women) smile like cheshire cats.....maybe I'm just being too suspicious but somehow I don't always think it's genuine. Kind of like spot me (smiling)......"oh sweet half Asian girl"...I walk away....YUK!, how could her Mother! Angry. Then you get people who as soon as they see a white woman in tow with a clearly looking half Asian person....lets just say the look on their face says it all!. Some people are cool with it but I just think when it happens it's oppressive and wrong!. I NEVER judge other people (who behave in a reasonably decent way) and think everyone else should be the same. Before anyone asks I am very happy about my racial heritage, tapping into both my Asian and English roots (the Asian side kind of dominates) but overall love it. I must also be fair and say I have also had prejudice of some Asian people also (but not half as much). I just thought I'de raise the issue!, it might help in the fight against racism. Your thoughts?.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 15/09/2012 08:14

Wouldn't people who were racist be more likely to scowl at you than smile? Confused

Toughasoldboots · 15/09/2012 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 15/09/2012 08:19

People smile at you?

And you interpret that as racist?

Okies.

LydiasMiletus · 15/09/2012 08:29

I don't get this 'there is less racism in London as its a melting pot' I live in Yorkshire and can't say that racism is rife in my circles.
Anyway, not really sure how anyone smiling is being interpreted as racist.
Most of us are mixed race. I am going back a few generations and I have many races in my family.
I am sure there still are people who don't like people from different cultures having children. However I would say its more rife within the asian Asian, from my experience. Some people are racisit. It wouldn't matter if you were mixed race or not. As long as you are not their race, they find it acceptable to abuse you.
Not sure how starting a thread here is going to fight racism, since most agree.
What illness makes you look young? Sorry just being nosey.

LydiasMiletus · 15/09/2012 08:31

Oh and note to self. Smiling could be interpreted as racism so must look at floor.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 15/09/2012 08:32

I think it would be naive at best to suggest racism doesn't occur.
However I feel the op may be mixing the real racism up with te curiosity and friendliness.
If you have experienced any sort of ism it is natural to remain vigilant.

I do not experience a great deal of racism nowadays regarding my children. But tbh I am older and very assertive lairy about this sort of nonsense.

When I was younger it happened. From white men and black women mainly.
Whilst being fecking rude to me the women would be cooing over the dc's blue eyes and wishing they had a blue eyed baby with 'good' hair. I thought that said a great deal about how they felt about themselves tbh.

With the men it was a mainly sexual thing. They were threatened by the racist myths and the 'your own kind not good enough or you?' crap.

I live in a diverse area. I wouldn't choose to live somewhere that wasn't.

thornrose · 15/09/2012 08:33

I am a white woman with a mixed race child. She's beauiful and people have smiled at her often. When I see pretty/cute/ children I smile, I can't help it. Forget the "smilers", don't assume they are thinking bad thoughts or you'll go mad.
I have (very, very rarely) had men saying disgusting things to my face about my taste for black men, they are racist ignorant pigs. It's sad that they still exist but a fact of life.

BlackberryIce · 15/09/2012 08:35

Op you sound confused!

messyisthenewtidy · 15/09/2012 08:35

Has it occurred to you that those women may be smiling at you because they are happy you are mixed race? That may also be quite patronising but it's not the evil negative thoughts you assume.

I used to get something similar with XH as we were a mixed race couple. Some people would think it was romantic and press for Romeo and Juliet style stories of us getting together. I hated to disappoint them as it was all very mundane as my parents never had a problem.

TroublesomeEx · 15/09/2012 08:42

Makes note to self: smiling at strangers is a sign of being racist.

I can see why you'd assume a drunk man making overtly racist comments towards you are racist because all the clues are there.

But other women/people smiling at you. Really? Has it occurred to you that these smiling people are aware that in that area some people are racist and they are smiling at you in an attempt to show you that they are not? That they are being friendly?

FWIW, whenever I have cause to smile at a stranger in the street, I'm never making a judgement about their parents. Confused

This is one of the most desperate attempts I've seen on here in a long time to see racism everywhere.

Of course there is racism. It is directed to members of all racial groups from members of all racial groups. But if you are seeing it in strangers smiling at you, the problem really is yours rather than theirs.

TroublesomeEx · 15/09/2012 08:43

I meant "of course there is racism" in that it's silly to think it doesn't exist anywhere rather than to suggest it is inevitable and therefore understandable/acceptable!

LBsBongers · 15/09/2012 08:44

I think you should try and avoid thinking about 'halves'. My children are mixed race and I consider them as 'indian' as their cousins on their dads side and as ' english' as my sisters kids.

No one is half anything

Mixed race people can face prejudice from both sides, in the uk the biggest growing proportion of the population are defined as mixed race, so love the haters, proud and hold your head up high.

pumpkinsweetie · 15/09/2012 08:52

People smile at eachother for a variety of reasons, but definetley not racism!
Maybe you are pretty, they could be admiring your beauty or simple smiling as people do-its a friendly gesture!

Most and i say most people including me do not look at people, stare or ridicule due to colour/race as we see everyone as equals.
I do think you may have a chip on your shoulder tbh judging by your post.
Relax a little people are trying to make friends , smiling or eye contact doesn't make them racist.

Fecklessdizzy · 15/09/2012 09:02

Mr. Pissed-and-Obnoxious was being racist, the smiling ladies in the street aren't. You do sound a tiny bit paranoid ...

worldcitizen · 15/09/2012 09:05

Which illness makes you look young???? Hmm

And why should looking younger than your actual age matter to the ones smiling at you??? Confused

Genuine questions looking for genuine answer, please Smile

Orenishii · 15/09/2012 09:11

I'm not too sure about your post, OP but yes, definitely racism is alive and well.

DH is mixed race - white and black. So many times, he's been called a mongrel by white and black people. He's been told his mother had "stolen" one of their men by numerous black women, and I think the worst one I experienced - on our way to work one morning passing through Victoria station, both of us dressed in suits for work, he gets hauled up in a line with other non-white men by the Met police and spot searched for knives and drugs. He was quite obviously not a "yout" in a gang, it was 8am, he was in a fucking suit and not a single white man was pulled up the whole time he was being searched.

I'd never experienced racism - or at least, witnessed it - before being with DH. It's shocking when it happens and it makes you see all the subtle and overt instances. I was extremely ignorant of the subtleties of racism before I met DH. I was extremely ignorant of what it meant to be mixed race. Now I'm pregnant, I share DH's need to represent both his heritages and - I dunno who's right or wrong - but told my parents if it's a girl, could they consider not auto-buying white dolls. I hate that auto-response, of white being the default when our child won't be white and I want that represented in their lives. My parents think I'm being ridiculous but now it just makes me think they're ignorant in a way I was - that white is not the default, that white won't represent my child even if they are very light skinned. It's important to me but I'm not sure they get it.

cheekybarsteward · 15/09/2012 09:14

I think if you look for racism so hard in everything that happens you will lead a very paranoid, unhappy existence.
Almost everyone I pass with my white/Indian dd will smile or stare at at her for sometimes an uncomfortable amount of time but I know it is because she is beautiful as a blue eyed Asian. I am so proud of not just her looks but the way that she conducts herself and treats others of different cultural backgrounds with respect.
I really hope that she never feels your paranoia, but she sees the world through open eyes.
And no one would judge me for marrying an Asian man...he is gorgeous and extremely kind and well loved by all his friend(who are all white and smile at him a lot too) :)

DinosaursOnASpaceship · 15/09/2012 09:16

I have a friend that I don't see very often now but she is lovely. She has a mixed race asian/white child and two mixed race black/white children. She is white.

I have heard people make comments a lot over the years. Usually under their breath or to other people. I've heard her calked a pki shagger, a ngger shagger, w*g meat, I've dumped a bloke for saying (after he met her and her dc) that she would never get a white man after having slept with the people she had. Plus loads more.

Racism is alive and well. Comments like these have been made by people she has sat and had coffee at toddler groups with, people that have smiled and told her that her dc are gorgeous etc.

My friend isn't unaware but chooses to ignore I think.

thornrose · 15/09/2012 09:19

Thanks for repeating those vile racial slurs on here!!

worldcitizen · 15/09/2012 09:20

Dinosaurs I can totally imagine what you're describing. May I ask t what extent the scenario of coming across as promiscuous, having children from different fathers, possibly being single-parenting etc. play into all the prejudice and horrible remark-making?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 15/09/2012 09:21

I hve no clue what the op is on about. It's too early for me!

There is a little mixed race child in dd1's reception class. She is the most beautiful, sweet little thing with gorgeous hair and every morning all the parents dropping off their sprogs smile at her and talk amongst themselves about how cute she is. Does that make us racist?

hairyprawn · 15/09/2012 09:27

most white-asian mixed people don't necessarily look mixed race - it is a less obvious mix than some others. They either tend to look more of either or kind of mediterranean. Maybe the people who are staring are curious about it and trying to work out where you are from because you would be offended if they asked directly (which would have been acceptable to do not so lon g ago). Curiosity is not a crime

hairyprawn · 15/09/2012 09:31

I would say that the white ladies with asian partners do probably stop in their tracks to look at you momentarily as I have come across that before but it is more to do with getting their head around how their own relationship is viewed in the outside world/what any children may look like - once again, harmless curiosity which you can't do anything about. We learn more about one another and our evolving society by doing this and that is surely a good thing wouldn't you agree?

sleeplessinsuburbia · 15/09/2012 09:43

My mixed race dcs receive smiles and looks every day. I assume they are being kind not racist!
When I read your post my first thought was "you must be pretty". Attractive people tend to catch people's eye!

Sallyingforth · 15/09/2012 09:44

OP I still don't understand what you are talking about.
When I go to India people smile at me. Does that mean they are racist?
I hope the day never comes when racial heritage is ignored. It's so important to recognise the rich variety of our society.