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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO THINK MIXED RACE PEOPLE ARE TREATED DIFFERENTLY?

246 replies

MyBaby1day · 15/09/2012 04:09

As a young woman who is half Asian, half English I think this is so. I also have an illness (and maybe good genes too Grin) that also makee me look a LOT younger than my age and when people see me quite a few (especially women) smile like cheshire cats.....maybe I'm just being too suspicious but somehow I don't always think it's genuine. Kind of like spot me (smiling)......"oh sweet half Asian girl"...I walk away....YUK!, how could her Mother! Angry. Then you get people who as soon as they see a white woman in tow with a clearly looking half Asian person....lets just say the look on their face says it all!. Some people are cool with it but I just think when it happens it's oppressive and wrong!. I NEVER judge other people (who behave in a reasonably decent way) and think everyone else should be the same. Before anyone asks I am very happy about my racial heritage, tapping into both my Asian and English roots (the Asian side kind of dominates) but overall love it. I must also be fair and say I have also had prejudice of some Asian people also (but not half as much). I just thought I'de raise the issue!, it might help in the fight against racism. Your thoughts?.

OP posts:
MrDobalina · 17/09/2012 14:37

i assume she has reason to think that then folk

I wouldnt dismiss her belief that there is more to the smile than a smile

I have heard MR adults say the same kind of things actually....albeit from a different angle; a MR (black and white) young man I know says he often gets white mums of MR kids being over familiar with him, because I suppose they feel like they share something. he feels no familiarity with them becasue it is his mother who is black, and he has suffered extreme racism from white people

'exotification' etc of non-white people/children is well documented...and could be hidden behind a smile of 'ah how cute'-maybe

In any case I wouldnt dismiss OPs feelings, because often racism is just a feeling, huh

TroublesomeEx · 17/09/2012 14:49

I wouldn't doubt anyone's experience of racism, but I just don't see how you could go through life presuming that a smile was an act of racism!

I don't doubt that the young man you know has suffered extreme racism from white people for a second, but really how much of that has taken the form of a smile?

Again, I know what you are saying about the exotification of non-white people and wouldn't challenge that either.

I just think that the OP's position (and the fact that people are agreeing with her) means it's impossible. If I make eye contact, accidental or intentional with another person, I will smile at them. I would consider it rude not to. Are you really suggesting that that may be being interpreted as a racist action?

TroublesomeEx · 17/09/2012 14:51

Just in case that sounds like meaningless platitudes, in one part of my life I'm a musician and the exotification of non-white people is an issue in the reception of 'World Music'.

MrDobalina · 17/09/2012 15:14

Are you really suggesting that that may be being interpreted as a racist action?

I'm assuming not, if there is nothing behind the smile...Confused

Its usually about body language and other little give-aways isn't it...like for example over-enthusiastic smiling or smiling at OP having just ignored the 10 people in front and the 10 people behind.....or something else that OP isn't even conscious of......

A defensive stance is often taken by people when someone tries to talk about racism i.e. 'I smile at people, i'm not racist, does that mean I cant smile at people, what IS the world coming to?!'

No one is saying YOU are racist Smile

TroublesomeEx · 17/09/2012 15:18

No I know that Smile.

Honestly, I've just never come across the whole a smile could be racist thing.

I'm just a bit Shock. But I can also see the over enthusiastic smiling/ignoring others thing that makes total sense. But the OP hasn't eluded to any of that. She has only talked about people smiling at her and that's quite a massive jump from open and friendly to racist without anything else to back it up. That's all.

MrDobalina · 17/09/2012 15:22

Are you really suggesting that that may be being interpreted as a racist action?

I'm assuming not, if there is nothing behind the smile...

but you know, also, maybe......people misinterpret things all the time Grin

She has only talked about people smiling at her and that's quite a massive jump from open and friendly to racist without anything else to back it up. That's all

but its an equally big/bigger jump to assume OP has illusions of grandeur/ is paranoid etc

TroublesomeEx · 17/09/2012 15:26

Maybe, I'm just surprised that someone's default interpretation of a smile is negative that's all.

giveitago · 17/09/2012 17:52

OP long gone- we of same background but have completely different experiences (OK we from different places) and different attitudes.

Interesting that she doesn't have a thing to say about some of our experiences. How she talks is that of my cousins of about 30 years ago.

worldcitizen · 17/09/2012 18:47

giveitago yep, it is very obvious when a thread is a wind-up or whatever, BUT this thread is great due to what all these posters here had to say and what was shared so far!!!!

giveitago · 17/09/2012 19:11

Word - with you girlfriend. Or should I say 'sister'. Winks!

worldcitizen · 17/09/2012 19:13

give Wink

giveitago · 17/09/2012 20:04

giving one of those emoticons back to you world - but am and old thing and don't get this technology. Just got my first ever smart phone - sadly it doesn't have a smart owner..............

worldcitizen · 17/09/2012 20:17

hahahaha that is hilarious. I've managed to still have NO smartphone, don't know how that is possible as I really want one, but cannot decide which one Confused

worldcitizen · 17/09/2012 20:21

No, in all seriousness I don't want to hijack this thread, but to get back to this topic, I do think that racism and discrimination has so many shapes and forms and I myself would never believe that I couldn't also be a (unknowingly) a perpetrator or an ignorant towards others in some cases, if this makes sense Hmm

Original poster
MyBaby1day · 18/09/2012 10:35

@MrDobalina, well THANKS SOOOOoooo much!. Yes, what a sick country we must live in when people on a (should be at least) forum can have a go at a girl who already said from the start she's suffered racism!! Angry. As you ahve 2 MR DD's you probalay know the type of thing I mean!. The smiling is over-enthusiastic and yep!!, there was 4 boys and 3 girls much younger than me (all white may I add) and just like clockwork a woman smiled at me for what seemed like hours!!!. Her DD was just staring (which, had she have been my child, she would have been disciplined for)!. The other kids just walked on and it was me that was the target!. Why call me grandeur/paranoid?!....all my mates (who see me a lot) agree with me too (one of whom is a Doctor).....amybe they paranoid too? Hmm. It's unfair to call me that when you don't even know me!. So if you all see me, smile Grin (but just not too much)! and give my friends one too!!.....all being equal!.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyBaby1day · 18/09/2012 10:35

I ment should be a mature, sensible forum......for parents!!.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyBaby1day · 18/09/2012 10:37

@Folkgirl I don't go through life presuming every smile has something behind it......you take me too literally!! Hmm. Show some support for someone!.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 18/09/2012 10:41

If I have then I'm sorry. Smile

Original poster
MyBaby1day · 18/09/2012 10:43

@MrDobalina, I also have experienced what the young man has too!. Even though the non-white side of me is Asian, we were once coming out of a cafe and a MR family were walking up Dad was Black, Mum White, 2 DS's were MR and the woman smiled over like she had an affinity with me!!. Although I'm not partly the same race her DS's are I'm still nonetheless MR and she will know me and them will probalay experience similar things in life. Oh and for all you who call me paranoid, 3 people smiled that day (including her) and I know it was well-intended, but not all of them are.

OP posts:
WokingOnSunshine · 18/09/2012 10:46

those dirty, evil smiling bastards

Original poster
MyBaby1day · 18/09/2012 10:48

@wokingOnSunshine, you should know! Grin

OP posts:
geegee888 · 18/09/2012 10:53

Well, OP, you should be relieved you only get the smiling and not the touching thing. Yes, I get people who can't seem to stop touching me. Not in a sexual way, tbh I don't mind it. I'm in Holland at the moment, it always happens here. I don't think they're sinister, its more of an inclusive thing.

That said, I smile at people I find irritating and annoyingly self centred, as a default position out of politeness, and its nothing to do with race.

MadgeHarvey · 18/09/2012 10:56

Well I was going to hide this thread on account of the caps in the title and the annoying OP but I think I'll keep it! It's a good reminder of how utterly up themselves some people are - and yes, you poor poor smiled upon person, I do mean you!

Grin
MrDobalina · 18/09/2012 10:59

Smile mybaby

I don?t think it is totally having MR children that gives me some understanding of what you are saying; I think I have probably been a bit guilty of that over familiarity thing myself in the past;

But I have lived in a predominantly black country. I didn?t encounter much hostility because I was white, but I was ?called? by a name which means white person/European, by strangers in the street. It was always very friendly and jovial; but being constantly reminded that you are ?different? is very very alienating and quite depressing

BTW I am NOT for a second likening my experience to racism, white on black, in the UK; completely different

Latara · 18/09/2012 22:37

geegee888 - the 'touching thing' - in Amsterdam? Hopefully 'touching' means a hug at most - by fit Dutch men & no-one creepy...

Not wishing to stereotype Dutch men obviously. But they are mostly quite fit & attractive Grin

OP actually.... if i smile at a good-looking man of another race / mixed race / different nationality because i fancy him does that make me a racist? Or just a normal heterosexual young woman?