to think that "sexual harassment" is a bit strong to describe this event?

[BartiiMus]

At a training session with work. 3 days, 2 nights on-site.

Around midnight (not long after the people concerned have left the bar), man A rings woman B and asks for a code to connect to the internet (we use password tokens and he'd forgotten his).

Woman says fine, come to my room. Man goes to room, then confesses he didn't come for that at all and tries to kiss her. She refuses. Man is confused saying he thought they had a "connection" earlier in the evening but she denies it. He leaves the room.

A few days later woman B tells my colleague about it. She was half-laughing about it and said she wasn't going to report it.

Last night at a party my colleague told us that there'd been "sexual harassment" during the training this summer but refused to say who had been involved. After a bit of coaxing and lots of clues from him we worked out who the man had been, and our colleague confirmed it.

I know him, I've worked with him before and he's a nice bloke. I'm not saying he didn't do this but he tried it on, was refused and left. Is that really "sexual harassment"?

To be honest, I'm a bit pissed off with the gossip colleague who told us all because it's a bit of a non-event (man tries to pull woman, woman refuses, man leaves) but he's usually highly emotive language like "sexual harassment" to describe it. She's not even reporting it. The man isn't her boss or anything and they don't work together.

I know I probably don't have all the story but I do know the gossip well and he does love to exagerate and I don't think it's very fair to man A to have people slinging mud at him like this.

So, deep breath AIBU?

"The point is, don't initiate sexual contact/chat/whatever unless you've established the other person would welcome it."

And how do you do that then????

I think Miss perception has made some great points. In the real world, people make passes at each other. It doesn't always come after weeks of phone calls and dinners, sometimes it's a spur of the moment thing. And as a woman working in a largely male environment, sometimes men make passes at you, shock, horror - at work. It is naiive to think otherwise (I know, I was, but I'm not anymore!)

Would you like a man you had been chatting to in a bar to follow you home and try to get in on the basis of some made up lie and then try to kiss you SqueakyToy?

Because I can't say I would.

It absolutely is sexual harassment. It's completely unacceptable.

GeeGee.. she invited him. He did not invite himself.

"probably because like so many women in this unwanted position, she doesn't want to be labelled a troublemaker, or to make a fuss"

utter made up rubbish... the woman laughed it off, she was not upset by it...

so many people don't seem to get that the standard of behaviour for a work and non work situation are different.
If you went into the stationary cupboard and some colleague followed you in and he asked to kiss you? you think that is ok?

stationery

It was sexual harassment and I have fired someone for something similar.

GeeGee, that is absolutely no comparison, at all.

geegee88, maybe she didn't report it because she didn't see it as that important, and she wasn't bothered after he went away? Not because she was afraid of making a fuss.

If only she knew how angry everyone else is about this!

I just read it all anyways...and missed an important part of the post
"A few days later woman B tells my colleague about it. She was half-laughing about it and said she wasn't going to report it."

I thought that was the BOSS saying she came to her, but the BOSS wasn't registering her complaint. Like my d friends dh didn't.

I shall be off... to hopefully pay more attention to my roses.

Err, SqueakyToy she invited him to come to her room to get a code for the internet. Quite possibly out of politeness. She didn't invite him to her room to kiss her.

Women labelled troublemakers in the workplace for making valid complaints about sexual harassment - no that never happens.

I remember, in my first graduate job, having to endure the explicit sexual chat of a senior manager that I had to travel in a car with to see clients. Thankfully when I eventually worked up the courage to complain, I was taken seriously. At that age, it took me 5 months to do so, for fear of not being taken seriously/being labelled a troublemaker.

He "tried to kiss her". He didn't ask her out, ask for a kiss - he physically tried to kiss her.

I think I'd rather be single than end up with a sex pest from work!

Lol man tries to kiss woman and is now "sex pest"!!!!!

Sorry geegee I wonder what he would make of this thread though!

Who asks for a kiss? "Can I please kiss you?" - yum, sexy.

Johnny was totally harassed by Baby in Dirty Dancing

geegee I imagine being stuck in a car for that amount of time with a shitty sleazebucket was horrible, and I am glad that you were taken seriously, but this is in no way the same thing.

What he should have done was phoned & said; ''i can't sleep, shall i come to your room for a coffee'' - that way it's pretty obvious what he wants without stating it & neither of them feel awkward / bad / sexually harrassed if she says no, i'm going to sleep etc.

(Btw i have actually been stupid enough to think that 'come round for a coffee' at 10pm to a male friend's home meant exactly that. Doh!!)

This woman to me just wants a bit of attention. She invited him to her room knowing full well that he fancied her, as she had been lapping up the attention he was showing her earlier in the bar. She also wanted more attention when he phoned so invited him to her room. He tried to kiss her she said no and he left. She then obviously has taken great pleasure in telling her work colleagues about her rejecting this man, as this now makes her 1 up on all the other women on the trip and in the office.
Women are calculated and know how to use men to their advantage. Know this other colleague is trying to get in on the action as he is not at the centre of the office gossip.
Sexual harassment pfft!

MrsHelsBels74 - EXACTLY. Seems to be a lot of women on this thread with issues (and no sense of fun!) (will get slated for that)

Is there some kind of sub/dom thing going on here that I don't understand?

Yes, it is sexy if somebody asks; I am not actually interested in being available at all times to the whims of other people. It isn't my kink and even if it was, I don't have a sexual interest in office work and laptop issues either, so the pretext does nothing for me.

greenD - yes, indeed, and how many wouldn't be here if the law making marital rape a crime had been passed before 1991? It's a scary thought, isn't it?