to think that "sexual harassment" is a bit strong to describe this event?

[BartiiMus]

At a training session with work. 3 days, 2 nights on-site.

Around midnight (not long after the people concerned have left the bar), man A rings woman B and asks for a code to connect to the internet (we use password tokens and he'd forgotten his).

Woman says fine, come to my room. Man goes to room, then confesses he didn't come for that at all and tries to kiss her. She refuses. Man is confused saying he thought they had a "connection" earlier in the evening but she denies it. He leaves the room.

A few days later woman B tells my colleague about it. She was half-laughing about it and said she wasn't going to report it.

Last night at a party my colleague told us that there'd been "sexual harassment" during the training this summer but refused to say who had been involved. After a bit of coaxing and lots of clues from him we worked out who the man had been, and our colleague confirmed it.

I know him, I've worked with him before and he's a nice bloke. I'm not saying he didn't do this but he tried it on, was refused and left. Is that really "sexual harassment"?

To be honest, I'm a bit pissed off with the gossip colleague who told us all because it's a bit of a non-event (man tries to pull woman, woman refuses, man leaves) but he's usually highly emotive language like "sexual harassment" to describe it. She's not even reporting it. The man isn't her boss or anything and they don't work together.

I know I probably don't have all the story but I do know the gossip well and he does love to exagerate and I don't think it's very fair to man A to have people slinging mud at him like this.

So, deep breath AIBU?

So she 'asked him to her room' to lend him the token.

I don't see this as sexual harassment at all, sorry & I guess I'll get flamed for it. At the end of the day he tried to kiss her, she said no, he left. If she'd said no & he'd continued then fair enough, that's harassment.

Honestly some people need to get a grip.

No it can be given over the phone. It's just a series of numbers and letters.

I don't think YABU.

The phrase sexual harassment is thrown about to easily nowadays and I think is quite pathetic. It's as if all women are delicate little flowers that need protecting from these big evil men that are all trying to get into our knickers.

What happened between your colleagues is a non event.

But he didn't ask to go to her room, he only phoned her. She told him to go there. No one can say what he might have done if she'd just given him the code over the phone. Maybe her suggestion that he go to her room for the code made him believe that she felt the same way.

If it just happened as he said - he thought she liked him and tried his luck, and accepted it was unwanted, I really don't think that is harassment. It's a far cry from spending your day listening to lewd innuendo, or creepy colleagues "accidentally" brushing past you in the stairwell, or her rejecting his advances and him trying to press the issue or make life hard for her. Colleagues do get it on from time to time.

Or has DH been sexually harassing me for the last 7 years??

" He made an excuse to go to her room after she had gone to bed and then attempted to sexually assault her."

Talk about making things up! Where did you get that from?

I feel that it hinges on whether or not SHE felt she was sexually harassed. If she felt that it was unwelcome sexual attention in a work context then it was. However if she felt it was a reasonable proposition which she turned down and didn't make her feel harassed or intimidated then that's up to her to judge.

from the OP i think it sounds like the woman involved is ok with the situation in which case i'd say she should be free to judge that herself. but to know that if she was uncomfortable she could complain.

I assume she needed to do something on the laptop to get the code which is why she told him to come to the room.
The thing that makes it sexual harassment is partly that it was work related and he would have been expected to behave professionally and secondly that he went into her own safe space and attempted sexual advances with no prior agreement.

After a bit of coaxing and lots of clues from him we worked out who the man had been. And now you're "pissed off" that the colleague told you? You hounded him into telling you, by the sound of it. It's time to extract your beak from the situation, you've done enough stirring.

winkly

I admit I did think that harassment was more continual rather than a one-off (which would be more assault wouldn't it?).

From Unison

'Work-related
harassment can also occur away from
the workplace eg at a client?s home or
workplace, at conferences, seminars, on
training courses, staff parties, or away
from work but resulting from work'

'It is difficult to gain a true picture of the
extent of sexual harassment because levels
of under reporting are extremely high with
a large number of workers preferring not to
pursue a formal complaint.'

'Examples of sexual harassment:

unwelcome sexual advances

physical contact such as the invasion
of personal space and unnecessary
touching through to sexual assault'

YABU. He tried to trick her. That's completely unacceptable, and creepy.

Yeah, definitely sexual harrassment.

To me the thing that rings warning bells is him saying to her first that he didn't come for the password.

I wouldn't like someone to try to kiss me in a work context, I would feel it's inappropriate, but I would be fucking livid if they told me they'd cooked up an excuse to come and see me on my own in order to do it. Creepy creepy weirdo.

oh yes of course because if you invite soemone to your room or home that is an invitation do with you as they please.

to be honest he sounds like a useless little sleeze bag. what would have been far more appropriate and grown up and respectfull thing to do would have been a phone call, out of work unasociated with work asking her out for a drink.

Oh it's not the end of the world, he thought she was interested, she said no, he left, the end

He misjudged the situation, he hardly pinned her to the bed and groped her, calm down everyone

Thanks molly
I now know that when my colleague said a man from X department sexually harassed a women from Y department and my other colleagues said "really who?" and he gave us more information which led to someone saying "I think I know who it is" and us getting yet more "clues" which allowed us to identify the man I should have, what? walked away? stopped everyone asking questions?

I said "a bit of coaxing" - how does that translate as hounding?

YY, exactly theenthusiastic.

Thanks narked I like that. It's nice and clear.

YABVVVU.

The guys a creep. He LIED, she invited him under the information that he needed a connection.

In her situation I would have said NO, on the phone, and not risked it.

She probably laughed because she was so nervous about it.

Maybe your so pissed he did ring you, you seem to be very angry that a work collegue was made a pass at and refused.

no one is suggesting it is the end of world. the OP posted and it has evocated a discussion on the matter. is that what is supossed to happen here.

'He misjudged the situation'

Er, no. He created the 'situation.'

i wouldn't consider it sexual harassment or assault, just a bit sleazy and bloody creepy. but you and your colleagues have done neither of these people any favours by gossiping about it, and turning it into a big deal. If the woman really wans't bothered by it,why tell anyone? she must have known it would get round, and if she wasbothered by it, she should have reported it.