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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member trying to 'get off' drink driving charge.

305 replies

jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 12:03

Namechanged.

My BIL was arrested and charged with drink driving last week. He was 3 times over the limit. There has been much whispering amongst the family since, hearing dribs and drabs about what happened etc but last night everyone got together for a meal at PIL's house. The atmosphere was tense to say the least.
Halfway through the night my FIL (BIL's dad) brought up the subject of the drink driving charge and said he'd like to speak to us all about it as he had something to ask us all.
It turns out BIL has been seeing a lawyer who claims he can 'get him off' with the charge. FIL was asking if we could all chip in financially to pay for this lawyer. It would be about £500 per couple (there are 5 couples in the family).
The reason being, BIL will automatically lose his job if he loses his license. My SIL doesn't work and they have 4dc.
I am very, very angry with BIL, and frankly disgusted at this suggestion about this lawyer. It has caused some tension between me and DH (BIL's brother). This is not about the money, it's about the principle. AIBU in thinking BIL should be punished for what he's done? I'm really agonising over this as I don't want SIL and dcs to suffer.

OP posts:
pickofthepops · 09/09/2012 18:11

There is a reason
Mr loophole is used by the mega rich footballers etc. 5k would become a ton more, let BIL and FIL take it on but save your money for his poor wife and kids.

HoleyGhost · 09/09/2012 18:12

Your DH is going to pay the £500.

You need to manage the fallout for your own family. Find out what your DH will be willing to contribute towards a fine, to support SIL and dc etc.

This will be just the start of it. Forget your BIL, his predicament is not your problem. Decide what you will do if your DH continues to support him and to behave so disrespectfully towards you "behave yourself" etc

QuintessentialShadows · 09/09/2012 18:15

Getting the BIL OFF is not going to help him with his drinking problem... A stunt in jail might, though...

Original poster
jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 18:21

Even though I 100% believe that he should take his punishment, I don't think I could bear what his going to jail would do to SIL and dcs Sad

OP posts:
edam · 09/09/2012 18:25

who says he's going to jail? Is that the normal sentence for being 3x over the limit?

It's not in your hands. He made the decision to risk it when he got behind the wheel of a car. £500 won't necessarily stop it happening anyway - I bet the Mr Loophole solicitor who gets the celebs off costs a darn sight more.

HoleyGhost · 09/09/2012 18:26

It is horrible, but not your responsibility. This won't be the first time. Your BIL chose to take chances. Your SIL chose to become dependent on a man who would do this.

You may be able to help them out in various ways. What your FIL has asked is unreasonable.

Cheddars · 09/09/2012 18:27

Perhaps getting arrested has been enough of a shock for him? Maybe he'll think twice before doing it again.

I think your bil has been stupid, selfish, irresponsible and reckless getting into a car after what, 6 or 7 pints. However people do make mistakes. Maybe he will learn from his.

edam · 09/09/2012 18:28

pink's link suggests for 3x the limit the court may consider a community sentence. So unless he's lying about how drunk he was or not told you about other factors, jail is not a serious prospect.

Original poster
jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 18:30

Yeah edam I know, it's just that someone further up said something along the lines of 'maybe going to jail will teach him'. Made my blood run cold. Of course not as cold as it would be had he killed someone. Oh I am just so so angry this has happened, and at so many people. Urgh.

OP posts:
TheBigJessie · 09/09/2012 18:31

Best way to go to jail? Mess the court about with "technicalities" unsuccessfully, I think. If he goes ahead with the loophole idea, he'd better hope it works.

McHappyPants2012 · 09/09/2012 18:32

But him trying to get off may result in a prision sentence. He is not admitting to the courts of his wrong doings. The police and CPS will have to waste valuable time and resources to prove he was drink drivings.

The courts take a very dim light of people who plead not guilty to a guilty offence.

GnomeDePlume · 09/09/2012 18:35

Perhaps add to the financial argument by pointing out that a 'not-guilty' plea is likely to lead to a worse punishment for BiL.

The only thing that can minimise the fallout is basically total contrition, throwing himself on the mercy of the court, getting treatment for his drinking problems. Add to this that he is a family man with 4 DCs to keep.

If your DH wants to throw £500 at the problem in the name of family solidarity put it to working with a solicitor to prepare a good statement to the court pre sentencing.

expatinscotland · 09/09/2012 18:41

Couldnt see paying for this even if it were my own sibling.

LadyDeidreWaggon · 09/09/2012 18:45

The custody threshold for drink driving is 120mg of alcohol by breath. Various factors will push any punishment (prison, fine, ban) higher or lower - that's why it is a good idea to pay a solicitor to (a) read the papers (b) explain things to you (c) make a plea in mitigation highlighting the mitigating factors and trying to downplay the aggravating factors. Mitigating and aggravating factors are listed in the Magistrates' sentencing guidelines.
The punishment is increased if you are found guilty after a trial, having pleaded not guilty.
In relation to a driving ban you can make a case for exceptional hardship, eg a disabled non-driving spouse, child who relies on you for transport and no alternatives are available. BUT, you have to be pretty convincing before any court will choose not to ban you.
I admit I haven't read the entire thread but suspect that the lawyer involved will look for technical failings in the prosecution (they do happen), write a kick-arse exceptional hardship plea and darn good plea in mitigation.

LadyDeidreWaggon · 09/09/2012 18:48

Clicked 'post message' too early !
challenging a technicality is 'getting someone off' (I suppose) the other things aren't. You still get punished, just not necessarily as much as you would have done without the lawyer.

aftereight · 09/09/2012 18:51

YADNBU. Not surprised you're so angry with your IL family.
If your DH hands the money over, how will you deal with the situation? Whilst family loyalty is usually admirable, in this case it is utterly misplaced.
I'd be making it very clear that if your DH pays with your family money, that he gives BIL a timescale for repayment and no more money will be given lent. And then I would make sure to take an equivalent £500 from your joint account and put it into a running away savings account in your own/children's name/s. You clearly can't trust your DH to put your needs above those of his clan other family

JugglingWithBocciaBalls · 09/09/2012 18:54

I think if BIL and his own family decide that this lawyer is worth a try then that's up to them ... I would think they can borrow the £2,500 somehow ?

But I wouldn't want to be all giving him £500 - that's really cheeky, why should you ? Not to mention you may well not be that sympathetic.

GnomeDePlume · 09/09/2012 18:57

In your shoes jeez (having read LadyDeidre's sensible post) I would be able to square paying £500 into a lawyer's fund for helping BiL to present himself well in court with a guilty plea. Anything else would be against my will.

BonnyDay · 09/09/2012 19:10

you cant use special reasons on drink driving

BonnyDay · 09/09/2012 19:10

i mean exceptional hardship/ thats totting only

McHappyPants2012 · 09/09/2012 19:24

With special measures it makes the crime even worse IMO especially if a disabled person relys on you for transport.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 09/09/2012 19:37

sorry of this has already been mentioned, but even if bil doesn't lose his driving license, is this a guarantee that he will keep his job?

helenthemadex · 09/09/2012 19:46

I haven't read the whole thread and will say now that I do have some bias against drink drivers, my dsf brother was killed by a drunk driver it totally destroyed his family even now 20 years later.

There is no way that I would pay or support BIL, you say you don't want SIL and DC to suffer, unfortunately they will but that is not down to you not paying that is down to them having the misfortune to have an arsehole for a father who thinks it ok to drink and drive and then attempt to buy himself out of trouble.

If you do pay and BIL does it again, which drink drivers frequently do what happens if he kills someone, believe me that will really destroy lives

Actions have consequences as an adult he knows that, he needs to face what he has done!

helenthemadex · 09/09/2012 19:49

I wouldn't pay for this if it was my partner or child!

sorry for crap spelling, grammar etc

StrawberryMojito · 09/09/2012 20:12

He will probably get a lengthy ban and a fine. I doubt he would go to prison unless he already had a record.

You won't see it again, but just say goodbye to the money. Your DH obviousy wants to give it, I doubt (hopefully) that it will work and your BIL will still face the music. Imagine the headache if you don't give it and he inevitably doesn't get off, it will cause you no end of grief. Crap situation for you... Lose lose.