Family member trying to 'get off' drink driving charge.

[jeezlouize]

Namechanged.

My BIL was arrested and charged with drink driving last week. He was 3 times over the limit. There has been much whispering amongst the family since, hearing dribs and drabs about what happened etc but last night everyone got together for a meal at PIL's house. The atmosphere was tense to say the least.
Halfway through the night my FIL (BIL's dad) brought up the subject of the drink driving charge and said he'd like to speak to us all about it as he had something to ask us all.
It turns out BIL has been seeing a lawyer who claims he can 'get him off' with the charge. FIL was asking if we could all chip in financially to pay for this lawyer. It would be about £500 per couple (there are 5 couples in the family).
The reason being, BIL will automatically lose his job if he loses his license. My SIL doesn't work and they have 4dc.
I am very, very angry with BIL, and frankly disgusted at this suggestion about this lawyer. It has caused some tension between me and DH (BIL's brother). This is not about the money, it's about the principle. AIBU in thinking BIL should be punished for what he's done? I'm really agonising over this as I don't want SIL and dcs to suffer.

the thing is this one incident has had such last effects on the children, who have had a really horrible time, they started off living with one set of grandparents, who developed health problems, then had to go and live with the other set, the grandfather is a total git, both of them have had real horrible problems because of their situation, not the upbringing their amazing parents would of wanted for them,

I wish it was the only incident in my life where drink driving has caused devastation, over the years we have had far to many, if only people would change their attitude.

people like the OPs BiL make my blood boil, people like his family who enable people like him to carry on their lives with no consequence are beyond the pale,

I really hope the OP is enough of a person to sit them all down and put them straight,

at some point that family will have to deal with their lives being upturned by an avoidable incident, I hope they have the decency just to accept it and accept that they contribute to society that creates these situations,they certainly have by their actions given up any right to complain,

If as many people were killed or maimed by guns or a virus, as are by shit drivers behind the wheels of vehicles, we would have wide spread panic, the country would be on high alert, but because these gits use a motor vehicle to wreak lives,but some how it is acceptable.

the culture of shit driving is everyone responsibility.

I really hope the OP's BiL does go to prison, maybe staring at a wall will help him to realise what a spineless coward he is, anything is worth a go, he clearly doesn't get it, you make a choice about how you conduct yourself in life, he needs to start to make the right choices, or someone will be paying a lot more than £500,

what happened to my friends was not an accident it was inevitable, a selfish alcoholic drove a weapon, if a meteor hit them that would of been an accident.

that selfish alcoholic lives a charmed life in ibiza, running a bar, he still has his family, he still drinks and drives, we know because this is a small world.

Aplogies for not reading the entire thread but...

"He was 3 times over the limit."

If he was then i.e. has admitted it (within the family) then the louse deserves all he gets and you should treat your FIL's suggestion with contempt.

If he wasn't i.e. it is only an allegation at this stage then he surely should have a reasonable change of defending himself in court?

Sorry everyone, first chance to get online since last night!
DH and I have discussed and we are in agreement that we are not going to contribute to this shady lawyer. I showed him lots of evidence I found online that most cases DO NOT get off and that I would rather do as many of you suggested and help out when he does lose his license/job. AFAIK 3 out of the 5 couples have agreed to stump up but DH says he is going to meet with them before end of week and discuss what we have discussed. From a morality point of view, I made it clear that if BIL took responsibility for his actions I might still manage to retain some sort of civil relationship with him, otherwise I feel that the family could be damaged forever as a result. In other words, if BIL goes ahead with this trying to get off, I really don't see me speaking to him again. I think DH knows I mean business, and in the cold light of day I think he realises that this plan of getting off is pretty futile.

I want to thank you all for your input, I really appreciated it yesterday when I was in a bit of a state with all this.

Oh you have done so well. I'm really impressed. And so glad that your DH and you are finally on the same page.

Best of luck with everything.

I think you'd regain a few brownie points by offering money a loan to help SIL and the kids them all if the worst comes to the worst which it jolly well should.

How would you feel if you got him off the frink drive charge and next time he ended up killing someone. I have no sympathy with him at all. Plus this solicitor sounds dodgy. What possible defence could they use to get him off the drink drive charge?

Yes, I think some dust has settled and possibly the fact that he got Daddy to ask us all put a bit of an unnecessary slant on things for the family, and in my DH's case made it a bit harder to gain perspective and say no right away.
As an aside, I was a bit annoyed last night for a different reason. DH told me that he and his brothers (not the one caught dd) were discussing who would get his car when he got banned. What a bunch of assholes, they obviously KNOW he's getting done yet still want to hand over this money? The whole family have really shown a side to themselves I don't like this week. keeping a low profile for a bit I think.

Why can he not sell the car to fund the defence?

It's not as if he's going to be needing it in the next few years!

Can his poor wife drive?

She is going to need serious help with four children to cope with.

Honestly the man sounds like such a knobber

That's a very good question, I'll ask that one! Maybe it's not paid off? I have no idea.

No, DSIL doesn't drive. When this is done and dusted and I'm not evil unhelpful SIL anymore I'll offer her as much help as I can. I have 3 dcs of my own though and work full time so how much help I'll be I just don't know!

I know you didn't mean my question there, but just one more thing - how about helping to pay for driving lessons for her if she can't drive? I think she might need to learn quite quickly.

Oh sorry, x posts again!

I don't think it's your job to pay for anything for them btw - or help them out - just trying to think what might help her and not be helping him avoid his own situation iyswim.

I've been encouraging her to drive for years, so yes now would be a good time to learn. I'm always baffled by people who don't drive, can't imagine not being able to. The thing is, I'd hate to see this whole debacle make her a slave to her twatty DH. Would make me sick to see her driving him around like a taxi service after what he's done to the family! Her life is hard enough.

I think she should drive her children if necessary and he should get on his bike or a bus.

I agree wholeheartedlyEd, DH is going with him to court in a couple of weeks, I've told him that his lift back as a banned driver will be the last he gets in our car! Twat.

Dh got hit by a drunk driver, she was nearly 4x the drink drive limit. The police said at the time that for her to have drunk that much and be able to operate it, even if she did crash after ten miles it showed she had a serious alcohol problem. And in court she did say she now realised she had a problem and was seeking help.

How often/much does your bil drink?

I suspect if he does get off on a technicality he will continue drinking heavily and getting in a car when he shouldn't.

If he doesn't get off you'll never get your money back as he will have a massive fine, lose his job and quite possible be locked up.

The police told us that the driver who hit dh may well go to prison and she held her hands up and pleaded guilty! So for someone who tries to get off then they have more chance of a harsher sentence I'd have thought.

OP even if you take SIL for a coffee and to do the grocery shopping one night a week it'll still be a massive help to her. Poor woman, having to rely upon such a self-entitled man child for everything.

He won't get him off, what will happen is that he will not lose his licence as he needs it for work and will be unemployed without it. He will get points and a fine however. The £500 per couple is the solictors fees, they cost ALOT.

I don't think there is any chance of him not being disqualified if he's found guilty. There is no discretion on losing your licence, only on the length of the ban.

However a person can be found not guilty for various reasons. There was a Scottish woman who was found not guilty even though she was over the limit and admitted driving. She said she had eaten jelly which she didn't know had vodka in it.

Mandatory loss of license if caught driving under the influence topknob. Exceptional circumstances will allow you to hold on to it, but they have to be very exceptional, such as a disabled partner who relies on you to get about. This is usually only if you are slightly over the limit too. If he was 3x he will lose it without a doubt. Consequent loss of job is not viewed by the court as exceptional.

Otherwise, loads of people would claim potential loss of job if caught. Think how many people rely on their car to get to work, for a start.

£500 each would fund SILs driving lessons and test.

OP bloody well judged and well executed on your part. I salute you!

PS, my GF was killed by a DD 6 months before I was born. Died in the gutter.

My GM died a couple of years later, utterly grief stricken.

It's 44 years ago now. DM still cannot talk about it.