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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member trying to 'get off' drink driving charge.

305 replies

jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 12:03

Namechanged.

My BIL was arrested and charged with drink driving last week. He was 3 times over the limit. There has been much whispering amongst the family since, hearing dribs and drabs about what happened etc but last night everyone got together for a meal at PIL's house. The atmosphere was tense to say the least.
Halfway through the night my FIL (BIL's dad) brought up the subject of the drink driving charge and said he'd like to speak to us all about it as he had something to ask us all.
It turns out BIL has been seeing a lawyer who claims he can 'get him off' with the charge. FIL was asking if we could all chip in financially to pay for this lawyer. It would be about £500 per couple (there are 5 couples in the family).
The reason being, BIL will automatically lose his job if he loses his license. My SIL doesn't work and they have 4dc.
I am very, very angry with BIL, and frankly disgusted at this suggestion about this lawyer. It has caused some tension between me and DH (BIL's brother). This is not about the money, it's about the principle. AIBU in thinking BIL should be punished for what he's done? I'm really agonising over this as I don't want SIL and dcs to suffer.

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 09/09/2012 16:48

OP what an awful situation. Your fil should never have made this a family issue. It is utterly appalling to do that. If family relations suffer it is fils fault.

BIL should take the consequences of his actions. The only real problem you have is that your dh doesn't see things your way. I'm assuming you have said to him the what ifs of future offences, the possibility of killing someone, or even himself. That wouldn't be much help to his wife and is a real possibility.

What does your dh say in answer to that?

Hope the meeting with your sil goes well.

DolomitesDonkey · 09/09/2012 16:50

An ex (20 years ago) got off on a technicality via an expensive barrister. It happens. If you've got good legal representation you're almost innocent it seems.

Why is on mumsnet always this "oh it just couldn't happen".

DolomitesDonkey · 09/09/2012 16:52

Fwiw, the technicality was nothing to do with the police's equipment - which showed him massively over the limit - and being as he was arrested at 2am and phoned me in drunken tears at 5:30am I know he was pissed.

griphook · 09/09/2012 16:52

Really feel for you op, have been in a similar situation (not as bad as yours) but my bil is a twat when it's comes to driving. He's been fined for speeding, not wearing a seat belt blah blah, really Huston respect for the road attitude.

He lost a job through bad driving, everyone in the family felt sorry for him. Except me, he drive like an idiot, he should be thanking god he didn't kill someone, rather than playing the victim card. Tbh it really pissed me of.
Me and dp argued about it and decided that whilst dp could stop him driving this way, he would talk to him and our dc would never ever step foot in his car.

Mil thinks I'm unreasonable for this attitude, and thus has made me lose respect for her.

This will have further implication, that will cause resentment what ever you do. Personally I'd tell him toad out his credit cards or get a loan
My Bil doesnt drive anymore as he can't afford it.

McHappyPants2012 · 09/09/2012 16:55

So why didn't you write the courts saying he phoned you drunk.

You knew he was seeing a solicitor but you stood by and allowed him to get off.

BonnyDay · 09/09/2012 16:55

if its on police equipment its oging to cost a lot. ANd if it goes to trial and he loses then its COST tastic - plus a fine for himself.

If you are bullied into this ask H the question - is this the ONLY payment?

BonnyDay · 09/09/2012 16:56

You wouldnt phone the court with info, youd phone the police

DolomitesDonkey · 09/09/2012 16:56

HappyPants - they knew he was drunk - the court knew he was drunk. What they couldn't do was prove that he was driving - and neither could I.

TirednessKills · 09/09/2012 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdMcDunnough · 09/09/2012 17:10

OP I'm really glad at the progress that you have made...well done, and best of luck with the discussion with your DH.

What I think concerns me more than anything is the fact that this man is likely (not for sure, but likely) to be driving while over the limit on a fairly regular basis and that may well include when his 4 children are in the car with him.

It could even be that his wife is really unhappy about it but is afraid to rock the boat as it seems so disloyal.

Someone has to stand up for those kids if so. She might be very grateful, secretly, if he is done for it as at least she will be able to stop worrying about their safety for a few months/years.

I'm only projecting though and of course don't know if this is the case - but having seen a similar situation where no one even knew the person was driving like this with his children in the car, (he did a good line in pretending to be sober) in fact on an almost daily basis, I think it might be just what she was waiting for.

Most of these complacent bastards do get what's coming in the end but sadly it is sometimes at the expense of some other poor sod who gets killed.

And the one I knew about did get got - I reported it to the police but they didn't manage to get him till a few years later. I believe it makes a few people much more careful, at least about being caught.

TheBigJessie · 09/09/2012 17:11

Twenty years is a long time when we're talking about law. Loopholes get closed (sometimes creating new ones). Police officers get training on how to avoid loopholes. Clever solicitors read statutes very carefully. And so on. For example, "intimate orifices". Police cannot search these. They have to get a nurse of doctor to do it at the station. Once upon a time, the mouth was classified as an intimate orifice. Therefore, someone who knew this could hide small illicit items in their mouth if they were stopped.

What happened? That statute was amended. A police officer can now ask someone they're searching to open their mouth at the time.

Things change for good and ill!

Shesparkles · 09/09/2012 17:13

You do realise that if mr super lawyer doesn't manage to "get him off" his fine will pretty much double?

EdMcDunnough · 09/09/2012 17:16

I am wondering what sort of ban you get for that level of alcohol as well.

pinktartanjammies · 09/09/2012 17:20

Haven't read whole thread but my arse of an ex got done for being 3x over, incidentally it eventually led to us splitting up. He cooperated fully and was banned for 24 months, got a £1700 (iirc) fine, had to attend a drink driving awareness course and had to do 200 hours of community service. His lawyer told him from the start that if he didn't comply his fine and ban would be much higher, possibly even custodial which was what scared him into cooperating fully.
I hope your BIL tries to get off, fails and gets a much worse punishment. Sounds like a horrible man.

WofflingOn · 09/09/2012 17:21

Save the money and use it to support your SIL and the children if necessary.

BonnyDay · 09/09/2012 17:21

the 1.7k was prbably costs as well .
fine is max 1k for motoring

McHappyPants2012 · 09/09/2012 17:23

Maximum is 36 months, if you get locked up then it starts after you are reslised

pinktartanjammies · 09/09/2012 17:25

Ah yes, I think you're right, that did include costs. It was hefty though.

pinktartanjammies · 09/09/2012 17:32

Hmm, bonnyday a quick Google suggests 5k is the max for driving under the influence.
drink driving penalties

BonnyDay · 09/09/2012 17:34

ooh so it says.
Maybe the 1k is only for no insurance and the like.

Sallyingforth · 09/09/2012 17:44

DH is out, will sit down with him later armed with views of SIL to argue my case.
What's to argue? There is only one answer - the guy should be told to plead guilty.

.

Original poster
jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 18:03

What's to argue? There is only one answer - the guy should be told to plead guilty

Yes well if you read the thread you'll see that I think that but a few family members don't, therefore there is a case to argue, no?

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 09/09/2012 18:04

So, the expense of this could very quickly add up. £2,500 (to start with) for the lawyer, a sizeable fine £2,500 (guestimating), costs.

In the end there wont be much change out of £10,000 which by the looks of it FiL will be expecting OP's DH to contribute to.

pickofthepops · 09/09/2012 18:08

Not read whole thread bit horrified at family effort to mitigate drink driving. Personally wish police had effort to trace BiL through this thread and increase any punishment due to trying to get off thing. Someone / some people could have been injured or killed. What a git, Sorry OP realise not you supporting this.

Original poster
jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 18:10

If I can't get DH to agree to the moral reasons for saying no, I shall go in with the financial reasons. You've hit the nail on the head there gnome. I fail to see how it will stay at this 5k sum. I've been trailing the net today, looking at fora etc for people who have been charged with dd and the general consensus is plead guilty, you won't get away with it and don't hire expensive counsel. I am hoping that in the cold light of day, away from family pressure DH has thought long and hard about this and has changed his mind.

OP posts: