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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member trying to 'get off' drink driving charge.

305 replies

jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 12:03

Namechanged.

My BIL was arrested and charged with drink driving last week. He was 3 times over the limit. There has been much whispering amongst the family since, hearing dribs and drabs about what happened etc but last night everyone got together for a meal at PIL's house. The atmosphere was tense to say the least.
Halfway through the night my FIL (BIL's dad) brought up the subject of the drink driving charge and said he'd like to speak to us all about it as he had something to ask us all.
It turns out BIL has been seeing a lawyer who claims he can 'get him off' with the charge. FIL was asking if we could all chip in financially to pay for this lawyer. It would be about £500 per couple (there are 5 couples in the family).
The reason being, BIL will automatically lose his job if he loses his license. My SIL doesn't work and they have 4dc.
I am very, very angry with BIL, and frankly disgusted at this suggestion about this lawyer. It has caused some tension between me and DH (BIL's brother). This is not about the money, it's about the principle. AIBU in thinking BIL should be punished for what he's done? I'm really agonising over this as I don't want SIL and dcs to suffer.

OP posts:
Triggles · 09/09/2012 13:03

OP - your DH told you to "behave yourself" when you stated that you would not put up with this behaviour and you think it's just the BIL that is problem??

It's obviously a family mindset - that of "we are above the rules" IMO.

How would your DH feel if 2-3 months from now it happens again, only this time, because his brother did not get punished and felt he was able to get away with it, he ran over a child whilst drunk driving? Would he still stump up the money for the lawyer?

What if your BIL was drinking and drove with his wife and kids in the car? or YOUR kids for some reason.... still okay? Where does he draw the line, anyway?

Sirzy · 09/09/2012 13:03

Shelley are you missing that he was THREE TIMES over the limit? How is that anything but guilty of drink driving?

Numberlock · 09/09/2012 13:03

Genuinely interested to hear how you think he might not be guilty, Shelly.

noblegiraffe · 09/09/2012 13:05

shelly there is scientific evidence that he was over the limit, he admits he was over the limit, why on earth would you need to wait for a court to rubber stamp it before you admit he might have been drink driving???

Numberlock · 09/09/2012 13:05

Triggles I picked up on that comment too, does he often speak to you like that OP and have such low morals?

ShellyBoobs · 09/09/2012 13:06

It's not complicated, Numberlock.

A court of law will decide if he's guilty. THAT'S how be might not be guilty.

It's how the justice system works. It's a wonderful thing; it stops people being summarily punished for things they aren't proved guilty of.

tiggytape · 09/09/2012 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 13:06

Yes, triggles there is a distinct family mindset I'm afraid. I'm definitely feeling like the outsider here. DH even suggested that I'd 'never liked BIL' and this was why I was being uncooperative. I'm hoping sense prevails when the dust settles. We haven't spoken this morning.

OP posts:
ShellyBoobs · 09/09/2012 13:09

He doesn't need to be proven guilty...

So then we should mete out summary justice and not bother with law courts?

Is that only aplicable to certain offences?

WelshMaenad · 09/09/2012 13:10

No, no and again no.

Say this lawyer does 'get him off' (fucking unlikely, speaking as the daughter of a former traffic cop). What does that teach your BIL? that he can drink drive and dodge the consequences. So in six months time when he does it again, and kills someone, whose conciences will that rest on? Who shelled out to help him keep his licence? Oh, that would be his loving family,

My friend was killed by a drink driver at 17, walking home from a babysitting job. I fucking loathe anyone who gets behind the wheel pissed, I'd have them all shot if I could.

Numberlock · 09/09/2012 13:10

Thanks for the patronising reply, Shelly. So if he gets off on a technicality, a real possibility, you would still believe he wasn't guilty of drink driving?

ComradeJing · 09/09/2012 13:10

I've no idea what you should do OP, what a horrible situation for you to be put in.

Would the family "punish" you for not chipping in?

EdMcDunnough · 09/09/2012 13:10

Shelly, I'm not sure why you are playing devil's advocate here when there are probably far more deserving causes to stand up for. For instance had the OP said he'd been charged unfairly, or accused of something he insists he did not do - then fine, not guilty till proven otherwise.

And legally of course you're right but that's not relevant to this particular discussion as we already know he did it. That's not the point here.

GnomeDePlume · 09/09/2012 13:11

So what is this amazing technicality the lawyer will be using? This sounds highly suspicious to me. The only technicality I can think of is that the lawyer will be paying someone to 'lose' evidence.

Actually, I think that not only is your BiL a drunk driving twat but he is also a mug. There is no technicality just a smart mouthed scam artist who will take your money and laugh at you.

Do you honestly think that £500 will be the end of it? This con artist will keep coming back with his hand out.

Tell your DH not to be a mug.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 09/09/2012 13:13

Shelly I have just done a quick google. There are lots of people who have been done for drink driving who are having trouble getting insurance. They say they won't be able to go on their employer's motor insurance for 5 years, the premium goes up and they can't hire cars.

We don't know what the OP's BIL does for a living, but if he is a driver of any sort of course he will lose his job!

Numberlock · 09/09/2012 13:13

Gnome it's happened on several occasions, there are lawyers who specialise in this. There's a loophole in the law where the case falls down because the police did not follow the correct procedure at the time of arrest.

Google it.

noblegiraffe · 09/09/2012 13:13

shelly, in this situation you really do not need to wait to go to court before you can condemn his actions. He is definitely guilty of drink driving. Whether legally it can be pinned on him due to 'technicalities' (unrelated to whether he was drunk and driving) would appear to be a different matter.

IvanaHumpalot · 09/09/2012 13:15

Selfish twat for getting behind a wheel drunk.

Stupid parents for dragging family in and putting them under pressure to help the man-child.

Stupid parents and man-child thinking that the solicitor will get him off on a technicality.

Stupid man-child thinking it won't affect work even if he get's off.

I'm not sure what I'd do OP - it would stick in my throat to hand over the money. You loose whatever you do.

Hand over the money and hope he looses the court case? You can then quite rightly refuse to help them ever again (make it clear to DH this would be a one time offer) and include lifts, money etc... Let the enabling man-child's parents run around after him.

CailinDana · 09/09/2012 13:19

So Shelly if someone came up to you with blood on their hands and said "I killed someone" would you think "That's fine, he hasn't done anything wrong until proven in a court of law."

The BIL was breathalysed and found to be 3 times over the limit. He hasn't even denied the crime. So why are you defending him? Do you really believe that everyone just closes their eyes to a crime until a court tells them it's ok to acknowledge it?

GnomeDePlume · 09/09/2012 13:21

I know there are procedures to follow however I think that a lawyer wanting £2500 to scrape it out of the bottom of the barrel sounds highly suspect. The lawyer doesnt believe it will work he's just taking his money up front.

It sounds like a scam to me. Pillock gets caught for drunk driving, smart mouthed lawyer says 'pay me £2500 and I will get you off', pillock hands over money. Lawyer trousers it and walks off whistling.

ShellyBoobs · 09/09/2012 13:23

Tuttutitlookslikerain - I was talking about someone's post saying that he will probably be sacked even if he's found not guilty and that his employer won't be able to get insurance for him in that case.

Numberlock · 09/09/2012 13:24

That's entirely different, Cailin. In that case they should be considered innocent until proved guilty.

Here the BIL has admitted his guilt, the issue is how he can get off and who pays for it.

edam · 09/09/2012 13:25

Shelly, the man admits it. There's no presumption of innocence where someone admits the crime!

SoozleQ · 09/09/2012 13:25

Can you not just claim that you can't afford to hand over £500 and stick to that story, thereby not facilitating something you don't morally agree with but doing it in such a way as to not pass judgement?

bureni · 09/09/2012 13:26

It is possible to get of with drink driving charges regardless of the amount of drink taken if you have a lawyer who is willing to take the case on which seems to be the case here. the Police must stick to a very strict code of practice called PACE which does not always happen, people can get of charges if the police have not adhered to this code to the letter in many cases, sadly these loopholes are often abused by money grabbing lawyers who do not have a care in the world about the consequences of their clients actions.
In this case I would certainly not fund the idiots lawyer in any shape or form, he should man up and face his own stupidity as if he gets of the hook he might do the same again with much more serious results of his stupidity.