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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member trying to 'get off' drink driving charge.

305 replies

jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 12:03

Namechanged.

My BIL was arrested and charged with drink driving last week. He was 3 times over the limit. There has been much whispering amongst the family since, hearing dribs and drabs about what happened etc but last night everyone got together for a meal at PIL's house. The atmosphere was tense to say the least.
Halfway through the night my FIL (BIL's dad) brought up the subject of the drink driving charge and said he'd like to speak to us all about it as he had something to ask us all.
It turns out BIL has been seeing a lawyer who claims he can 'get him off' with the charge. FIL was asking if we could all chip in financially to pay for this lawyer. It would be about £500 per couple (there are 5 couples in the family).
The reason being, BIL will automatically lose his job if he loses his license. My SIL doesn't work and they have 4dc.
I am very, very angry with BIL, and frankly disgusted at this suggestion about this lawyer. It has caused some tension between me and DH (BIL's brother). This is not about the money, it's about the principle. AIBU in thinking BIL should be punished for what he's done? I'm really agonising over this as I don't want SIL and dcs to suffer.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 09/09/2012 12:42

Why would anyone want to get a drink driver off? They took a car out and and could have maimed or killed somebody. The consequences of their action is to not be allowed to drive again for a while - hopefully this will deter them from trying drink and drive again and possibly killing somebodys wife or 4 children next time.

ShellyBoobs · 09/09/2012 12:43

I would loan, not give the money for a lawyer.

It was totally out of order for you FIL to outright ask for money for a lawyer in that way.

I am though a bit Hmm at all the posters calling the BIL despicable, etc, given that he's not yet been found guilty of an offence.

Throw him to the lions first and then try him afterwards?

TheLightPassenger · 09/09/2012 12:43

yanbu. if he gets out a loan/CC for £500, he will soon pay that back if he gives up the booze that got him in this position. No objection to BIL getting legal advice, but why on earth should anyone other than him bear the cost of that.

Sirzy · 09/09/2012 12:44

If someone is 3 times over the limit then how can guilt be in doubt really?

TheLightPassenger · 09/09/2012 12:44

whether guilty in law or not, anyone who drives at 3 times the limit is a hugely immoral and selfish risk taker in my book.

CailinDana · 09/09/2012 12:44

Shelly the OP said he was three times over the legal limit, so clearly there is evidence that he did commit the crime. Plus there was so suggestion that the BIL was denying it at all.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 09/09/2012 12:45

I doubt this is the first time he has done it. I think he has been over the limit and not got caught before so thought he would chance his luck again.

No way would I be involved in this, I would have left. It is more by luck, than anything else, that he didn't kill someone. He is a fucking idiot and I would have told him so. I would feel the same if he was a couple of points over the limit. There is no excuse for it! Ever!

bigkidsdidit · 09/09/2012 12:45

Yes he has, Shelley, he was breathalysed!

No way would I lend the money. He did it, he needs to face up to the consequences

Original poster
jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 12:46

shellyboobs sorry if I wasn't clear, it will be a loan, we have been promised the money back, it's not a gift. Also, my BIL may not yet have been found guilty by a court but he is definitely guilty of the crime. He was still drunk when he came home at 9am the next morning after being released. There has been no attempt to claim innocence with us, although I doubt that's what he's telling the lawyer.

OP posts:
tiggytape · 09/09/2012 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SloeFarSloeGood · 09/09/2012 12:48

There's a line and this crosses it. Everyone knows that if you drink a bottle of wine or six pints you don't get behind the wheel.

Numberlock · 09/09/2012 12:48

He's been charged with being 3 times over the limit, Shelly. Do you mean you think there's been a mix up or the breathalyser equipment was faulty? Other than getting off on a technicality, which will be the lawyers defence and has happened in several high profile cases including Alex Ferguson, not drink driving I should add, how can he not be guilty?

Gay40 · 09/09/2012 12:49

Also, most employers need to know if you are in court for something, especially if driving is part of the job and the court appearance is to do with driving offences. So it may be likely that he'll be sacked even if the lawyer gets him off. It will affect the employer's motor insurance.

EdMcDunnough · 09/09/2012 12:50

The thing is OP that you'll also be paying someone to do something completely immoral, too - the lawyer I mean.

The lawyer is fully aware of what went on, I'm sure. the fact he;s working i nthis capacity (getting people off that ought to be hauled over for it) makes him someone I wouldn't pay money to in a million years - nor would I trust him.

noblegiraffe · 09/09/2012 12:52

I don't think guilt is in any doubt if someone needs a lawyer to get them off on a technicality. Hmm

The drunk driver that crashed into me and my little boy was breathalysed and arrested at the scene. I feel no need to wait for any court proceedings before labelling her a selfish cunt either. It has been a very comforting thought to me going through the insurance hassle, buying a new car, physiotherapy for injuries that at least the bitch will have lost both her licence and her job (she was a delivery driver).

Cheddars · 09/09/2012 12:52

Does your BIL often drink drive OP?

balotelli · 09/09/2012 12:52

Personally I find this objectionable and would have nothing to do with this hideous scheme.

He should pay in full for what he did in full and the family will have to take the consequences of his stupidity.

FWIW i believe our drink drive laws in the UK are way too slack. We should follow other countries that have zero limit. Then there is no grey area.... can I have one more wine, another half.
Any alcohol in your system is illegal. FullStop, no questions, plain and simple. You know exactly where you stand and you know the consequences.

Tell the family to shove their ridiculous idea where the sun doesnt shine.

EdMcDunnough · 09/09/2012 12:52

Plus the whole POINT is that BIL will not be allowed to drive for a good while. And that's because he's clearly unable to be trusted on the road.

I think to try and defeat this object would be foolish for everyone concerned. He should not be allowed to have his license.

Original poster
jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 12:54

I'm sorry, I didn't mean this to turn into an opportunity for people to rant about how reprehensible drink driving is. I'm sure we're all agreed on that. I actually told DH in the car on the way home last night that I'd consider leaving him if he put our family in this situation (we have 3 dcs and his job requires a license). He told me to 'behave myself'. Hmm.

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 09/09/2012 12:55

Don't give that scumbag a penny.

I would not want to stay married to a man who would support a drink driver in the way your husband is suggesting.

What a family of low lives.

LtEveDallas · 09/09/2012 12:56

No, I couldn't do this, not at all. My alcoholic brother was done for drink driving (although in his case he was on a 50cc moped). He lost his job, and yes his family suffered. But I still wouldn't have done this. In our case the family stepped up to support the family with money, gifts, transport etc and in time he took another, more menial but paid job.

I'm sorry, but if the money is to be paid back then there is no difference between you giving it him and the bank giving it him. Why does he need money from family - unless he doesnt expect to pay it back? I wouldn't trust him - he can take out a loan.

Softlysoftly · 09/09/2012 12:57

Fuck family relations your own morality comes first and a family that was anything but shocked and disgusted by such a dangerous act I would happily be disowned by.

The pp who's aunt and baby died should answer your question for you, there but for the grace of god and all that.

I agree with suggesting you all club together to support the sil and kids while he can't work instead.

Corygal · 09/09/2012 12:59

As above, I can't see that 3x over the limit is going to be an easy wiggle out, and confirm that BIL is an idiotic menace who will prob get what he's been asking for in court.

If he loses the case you won't see your money back, for a start, and then they will ask for more to feed the kiddies, etc., which you might not be able to afford.

Could you suggest to your DH that you're more than happy to give the 500 to BIL but given that's all you can spare and you're not 100 per cent sure BIL can win you'd prefer to save your share for SIL and co.?

Your FIL is also an idiotic menace.

ShellyBoobs · 09/09/2012 13:01

...likely that he'll be sacked even if the lawyer gets him off. It will affect the employer's motor insurance.

Total and utter bollocks of the highest order. A tribunal would have a field day with that and I've never heard such bullshit about motor insurance.

If the BIL is guilty he should have the book thrown at him. Until he's found guilty he's innocent of any offence.

I'm shocked at people's opinions on this. I know MN is VERY judgemental but finding people guilty before they've even been to court is a whole new level.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 09/09/2012 13:01

I agree with you balotelli. My dad was a fireman. He doesn't drink at all when he drives because of the accidents he saw which were caused by drink driving.

I worked in facial surgery. I don't drink either. I, also, rely on my car. I know someone who's son was killed by a drunk a driver. He was walking home along the pavement and was killed when a driver mounted the pavement.

If you want to drive, you shouldn't drink. End of!