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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be beside myself with pride over this?

398 replies

trumpeter · 08/09/2012 17:03

Had to share, I'm prob being very pfb but I have been bowled over by dd today.
After a bout of bullying at school then a period of 3 - 6 months with no 'real' friends, dd (15) has been talking about a girl she's met at school who she's became close with. She's been talking about her CONSTANTLY for about 3 or 4 weeks, she's 'great fun, a good laugh, really friendly, not bitchy like all the other girls etc'. I feel like I know this girl inside out already, and we didn't meet until last night when dd asked if she could come round for pizza, a film and stay the night. I was really looking forward to meeting her. So, to cut to the chase, this girl, who is indeed just lovely showed up about 6pm last night, came in, said hello etc then they disappeared off to the room. I left them to it. This morning they came down in their jammies and to my surprise (and don't ask me why I was surprised) I noticed that my dd's new pal is an amputee, she has no right arm below the elbow. I immediately asked her what had happened and she told me she had been in an accident as a baby. Anyway, they ate, lounged about and then her mum picked her up. I asked dd why she hadn't mentioned it before and she simpy said, 'why would I?' while looking at me with a perplexed look. I honestly don't think I've loved her more. Just thought I would share, AIBU to be bursting with pride about my dd's nonchalance about something I'd imagine lots of teen would be awkward about?

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 08/09/2012 21:43

Goldfish are actually springing to mind now.

EleanorHandbasket · 08/09/2012 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebestisyettocome · 08/09/2012 21:44

DH is disabled and whilst he is popular and has a lot of friends now he didn't have any many friends as a teenager. This was due to a combination of factors such as spending months on end in hospital but perhaps, most of all because a lot of teenagers want to fit in and be as cool as possible and having a disabled mate could cramp their style. I think it's nice that the OP's daughter never mentioned her friend's disability. DH would've loved a mate who didn't give his disability any thought Sad My DM told me about when I brought my new best friend home and had described her in detail but had failed to mention she was black. We lived in an overwhelmingly white area. Some kids just don't see these things.

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:45
CalamityKate · 08/09/2012 21:45

I don't think I've ever been so tempted to say "Oh just fuck off" as I have on this thread.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:46

Bugger this. I'm off to watch Oscar. He's a double amputee you know. Yes he is!!!! Had you not noticed?

ginmakesitallok · 08/09/2012 21:46

Trumpeter - why skating on thin ice? What is the difference between discriminating on the basis of race or skin colour and discriminating on the basis of disability?

everlong · 08/09/2012 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:47

thebest and the earlier poster with a child with disabilities - thanks for posting and sharing. The fact is that anyone with close family experience of disabilities will know that to think it's to be taken for granted that it's not noticed/pointed out/a topic of conversation is just bonkers as conkers.

Moominsarescary · 08/09/2012 21:47

I think some people should go and read the stop staring thread

everlong · 08/09/2012 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 08/09/2012 21:48

Thr OP makes it quite clear that she comes from a family with disabilities, she understands the stigma that people face.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 08/09/2012 21:49

Lovely, The Thick Of It has just started. I'm off to lower my blood pressure. Adios. And, OP YANBU (again Wink)

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:49

Everlong, why do you feel the need to post that your DS's friend had disabilities, but that this wasn't an issue for any of you?

Hmmmm? Why should you post that? You think that's a good thing? You think you're all so special? Yeah? You're GLAD your DS didn't think it an issue that his friend had disabilities?? Hm? Think that's a GOOD thing do you?

Hang on... sort of rings a bell...read something like this before, gimme a sec....

Hmm

Fuck this for a game of one-legged soldiers, I'm off to watch Oscar.

squoosh · 08/09/2012 21:50

It's not a competition, your family versus her family, who's the most accepting. She's proud of her family, go shrug your shoulders at your own.

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/09/2012 21:50

Oh, thanks for the reminder Ariel, I'v just switched over.
I love Oscar.

MsCellophane · 08/09/2012 21:50

My daughter is the one in the wheelchair, the one that talks funny, the one that walks funny, the one that doesn't quite get things, the one that dribbles sometimes, the one wearing splints...

If someone described her as the blonde one or the really funny one I would be over the fucking moon - it doesn't happen - EVER! Anyone one of her 'defining' features will be mentioned, maybe not all at once but I can promise you she will be one of them

PC posters, jog on!!! Being oh so correct is so boring. It's also bullshit that you don't think about these things. This young woman didn't feel it necessary to mention her friends disability - she is unusual and deserves all the pride and praise her mum gives her

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:51

That Oscar. He would so get it

Portofino · 08/09/2012 21:51

I don't see where hate crimes come into it at all! Op is just saying that she is super proud of her dd for making friends with someone with a disability and not mentioning it. To me, I think is fair to not mention it, as why should the girl be defined by her disability? So no biggie there.....

GColdtimer · 08/09/2012 21:53

Thebest, dh too. Not disabled but he had very few friends growing up as they didn't want to be friends with "patch" as "patch" was decreed uncool. He would have been over the moo. To have had a good friend world have been great but to have had one who wouldn't have told his mum "he has a big red mark over his face" would have been amazing.

everlong · 08/09/2012 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 08/09/2012 21:54

I am disabled and have agreed with everlong all through this thread.

I know there are people out there who subject disabled people to horrible abuse, I have been subjected to more than my fair share, but I am not proud of the people don't. I am appalled by the people who do.

In the same vane that we know you din't steal. I am not proud of my children for doing the right thing and not breaking the law, but the people who do make me feel sick to my stomach.

Do you see what I mean? Why do we have to be proud of people for doing the right thing?

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:54

MsCellophone Great Post. Want some of my gin?

apostropheuse · 08/09/2012 21:54

I don't think it's something to be particularly proud of - I would just think it's pretty normal not to mention it to be honest.

My daughter went out with a boy with a severely deformed arm and missing fingers etc. The first I knew of it was when I met him and he shook my hand. She never mentioned it because it wasn't relevant to who he was or their relationship.

I didn't feel particularly proud of her for that. She was just being normal I would say - or certainly the way I brought her up to be. I wouldn't have expected anything less.

As an aside...my other daughter - five or six at the time - told me that her friend's uncle was really strange - this was after her having known him for about a year or so. I was about to explain about him having Downs Syndrome until she went on to explain that he was strange because he ate cornflakes for lunch instead of breakfast!

What made me happy for the OP was the fact that her daughter had made a really good friend after having no close friend for a while. That would really please me! It's horrible not to have friends as a teenager.

squoosh · 08/09/2012 21:55

She's allowed burst with pride. she doesn't actually need permission.

Burst away OP.

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