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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be beside myself with pride over this?

398 replies

trumpeter · 08/09/2012 17:03

Had to share, I'm prob being very pfb but I have been bowled over by dd today.
After a bout of bullying at school then a period of 3 - 6 months with no 'real' friends, dd (15) has been talking about a girl she's met at school who she's became close with. She's been talking about her CONSTANTLY for about 3 or 4 weeks, she's 'great fun, a good laugh, really friendly, not bitchy like all the other girls etc'. I feel like I know this girl inside out already, and we didn't meet until last night when dd asked if she could come round for pizza, a film and stay the night. I was really looking forward to meeting her. So, to cut to the chase, this girl, who is indeed just lovely showed up about 6pm last night, came in, said hello etc then they disappeared off to the room. I left them to it. This morning they came down in their jammies and to my surprise (and don't ask me why I was surprised) I noticed that my dd's new pal is an amputee, she has no right arm below the elbow. I immediately asked her what had happened and she told me she had been in an accident as a baby. Anyway, they ate, lounged about and then her mum picked her up. I asked dd why she hadn't mentioned it before and she simpy said, 'why would I?' while looking at me with a perplexed look. I honestly don't think I've loved her more. Just thought I would share, AIBU to be bursting with pride about my dd's nonchalance about something I'd imagine lots of teen would be awkward about?

OP posts:
Portofino · 08/09/2012 21:31

I am NOT calling her a poor girl because she has an arm missing. I am calling her a poor girl because eveyone else seems to think she warrants special treatment and her friends should be extra proud that they made friends with her etc. She is just a girl, with friends,

Original poster
trumpeter · 08/09/2012 21:32

Is it Groundhog Day?

OP posts:
Smellslikecatspee · 08/09/2012 21:33

I'm on team JodieH

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:33

Seriously. This is like that thing when you tap the side of a goldfish bowl, and the fish like MOMENTARILY registers that it's heard a sound, then its little eyes glaze over and it circles mindlessly round and you have to tap the glass again

Moominsarescary · 08/09/2012 21:33

No everlong but that's not what the op has done

Proudnscary · 08/09/2012 21:34

Porto didn't mean she is 'poor' because she has a disability though surely?

She meant 'poor girl' as in 'girl who would feel patronised' if she knew her friend is being praised for being friends with her and not mentioning her disability.

OP your dd is no doubt fab and I'm happy you're proud of her as we all are of our children's best qualities and achievements, but your thread doesn't fit well with me either.

And I agree with Worra's post - it seems suprising that if someone goes on about a new friend 'CONSTANTLY' as you say and doesn't mention she's an amputee.

That's ok but equally if my kids had a friend with this disablity and did tell me about it - should I be less proud...or, well, what?

Moominsarescary · 08/09/2012 21:34

Maybe its the Wine

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:34

This is very mildly amusing though

Can you imagine a similar conversation but on the topic of, to take an entirely random example, cake?

"What do you think of this battenburg?"

"I don't like Jaffa cakes."

"Well...OK. But what do you think of this battenburg?"

"Onions give me wind."

Hmm
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:35

everlong, no, but I would be quietly proud that they didn't think a physical impairment wasn't even worth mentioning, that as long as the person was nice, that was the main thing. Which I think is what the OP is trying her hardest to make clear.

BoomerGold · 08/09/2012 21:36

Perfect post, Jodie

Everlong it IS special, for the reasons Jodie explained. It IS special that someone can describe another person without mentioning what would be the first thing anyone else could see such as colour, race, deformity, clothing etc and not doing it on purpose in order to avoid offence.

If I was talking to my mum about a friend and she asked for details I would definitely tell her about any disability she had. She's my mum, I can talk to her about anything and it would open up a discussion which I am happy to have with her. It's nice that the OP's daughter didn't mention it, probably because she knows so much about her friend that there's more interesting things to talk about other than her missing limb.

squoosh · 08/09/2012 21:36

The misery brigade are determined to take offence.

BoomerGold · 08/09/2012 21:37

Oh my GOD there have been 293872349847 posts since I read Everlong's.. might as well cross off my last one it's well out of date now :P

Portofino · 08/09/2012 21:38

But the thing is, to the dd, is so unimportant as to not be worth mentioning. And that is how it should be, So WHY should OP make a thing of it?

everlong · 08/09/2012 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperB0F · 08/09/2012 21:39

Porto- you're pissed. SHUT IT Grin

Portofino · 08/09/2012 21:39

I am so proud of my child making friends with disabled children - says much more about the Op than it does her dd,

Original poster
trumpeter · 08/09/2012 21:40

Och do one you two.

OP posts:
ginmakesitallok · 08/09/2012 21:41

I can see how OP would be pleased that DD wasn't being discriminatory and was seeing her friend as a person first. However - to be "beside herself with pride" about it? It is like saying "My DD's brought home a black/asian/gay friend - and she didn't even mention that they were black/asian/gay - isn't she fabulous?" No - she's normal.

squoosh · 08/09/2012 21:42

Because she's happy that her daughter who has been a bullying victim now has a best friend? And she's proud that as a bullying victim her daughter chooses not to make a big deal of people's differences.

She has risen above her own experiences.

everlong · 08/09/2012 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
trumpeter · 08/09/2012 21:43

I am not comfortable AT ALL with the loss of a limb being compared to race in this conversation. It's verging on comparing skin colour to disability. You're on very thin ice there gin

OP posts:
squoosh · 08/09/2012 21:43

Well you're definitely pissing.

TheFidgetySheep · 08/09/2012 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:43

A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Yeah, totally normal. Go and look up the figures of ESCALATING HATE CRIME AGAINST PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES

It is a problem. A terrifying one, a growing one, one that MUST be challenged and addressed.

A refusal to accept that people notice disabilities is NOT GOING TO HELP.

Again. Remember the amputee TV presenter who frequently received letters from mothers distressed that their preciouses were exposed to such a disgusting sight.

If you think that disability rights is not an issues and that you know children IN NO WAY have a tendency to mock or avoid difference then a) please can I smoke some of what you're smoking and b) read the newspapers.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:43

Well done everlong. You're extremely accepting, clearly.