...to be beside myself with pride over this?

[trumpeter]

Had to share, I'm prob being very pfb but I have been bowled over by dd today.
After a bout of bullying at school then a period of 3 - 6 months with no 'real' friends, dd (15) has been talking about a girl she's met at school who she's became close with. She's been talking about her CONSTANTLY for about 3 or 4 weeks, she's 'great fun, a good laugh, really friendly, not bitchy like all the other girls etc'. I feel like I know this girl inside out already, and we didn't meet until last night when dd asked if she could come round for pizza, a film and stay the night. I was really looking forward to meeting her. So, to cut to the chase, this girl, who is indeed just lovely showed up about 6pm last night, came in, said hello etc then they disappeared off to the room. I left them to it. This morning they came down in their jammies and to my surprise (and don't ask me why I was surprised) I noticed that my dd's new pal is an amputee, she has no right arm below the elbow. I immediately asked her what had happened and she told me she had been in an accident as a baby. Anyway, they ate, lounged about and then her mum picked her up. I asked dd why she hadn't mentioned it before and she simpy said, 'why would I?' while looking at me with a perplexed look. I honestly don't think I've loved her more. Just thought I would share, AIBU to be bursting with pride about my dd's nonchalance about something I'd imagine lots of teen would be awkward about?

When the Op pointed out that your use of the term was offensive you accused her of being a troll. Hardly the reaction of someone happy to be corrected if they used an offensive term in ignorance, and especially pathetic considering you'd been accusing the Op herself of prejudice for some pages by that point.

Everlong, no need to get some arsey!! I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and trying to grasp why just because no-one told you hare lip was offensive you couldn't work it out for yourself! Someone with a facial deformity being likened to an animal and historically that having a connection to women being witches - it's not a giant leap to see that it might not be the most pleasant of terms, surely. Clearly you're having difficulty grasping that. Much as I'd love to try and steer you in the right direction, it's sunny so I'm off out! Google might be your friend here!

Yes, and my papa called Asian people Pakis, this doesn't make it OK in 2012 ffs!

well i have a few friends who have and one friend whose little boy is having a third operation tomorrow infact, to get his cleft palate fixed (cleft lip already repaired) and his mum has NEVER referred to it as a hare lip and i have never heard that term used. it seems fairly obvious that it woudl be offensive.

and as tyranno has said your reaction was suprising. if i was to use a term that caused offense and then this was pointed out to me i would be a apologising profusely and would thank the person that told me. i would argue my case about not knowing or try and debate it. just apologise and not use the term in future and be grateful that i had been told.

OP, I understand and can relate to your pride and where it came from.

There is a huge amount of pressure on our youngsters these days and keeping a true line of what we as adult might (or most of us, because there are some pretty narrow minded adults around) take for granted as good core values, have to developed and honed.

My DS has made some massive decisions re how his female friends have been treated over the last 2 years, and whilst of course he should be making those kind of moral decisions, he is only 14, and I am proud that in all the crap that exists in this world, he is picking a course that reflects his deepening humanity.

yes her child is young but her dh also has the condition, he is in his late 30's and does NOT use the term :)

and yes i would apologise if i used a temr and someone pointed out to me that its offensive, its not a case of apologise TOO someone, its apologising for using a term that may cause offense even if it hasnt. and there isnt really any need to explain why you used the term. just accept that it isnt ok and refrain from using it again.

i imagine lots of us could say we had relatives that used terms and that is what we grew up hearing, it doesnt mean we continue to use them tho and especially not to use that as an excuse.

Jeez my mum is neary 80 and used terms like mongol, spastic and hare lip. Not the past tense.

Note sorry not not.

this is getting ridiculous. So everlong didn't realise that the term "hare lip" was offensive. She has been told and has apologised and said she won't use it any more. So what exactly is the issue?

In the US the terms Spastic and retard are still used as commonplace and are not considered offensive yet they are not considered acceptable in the UK. We who don't use the terms consider that people should just know that they are offensive but fact is they don't.

Had everlong said "well, it's not offensive, you're wrong so stfu I will use the term if I want to" then people would have a point. But she didn't. So now people are offended because what, because she didn't know?

In twenty years time I suspect there are terms we use now which will be considered to be offensive. And so our understanding and use of language will once again evolve...

Ok I will get called a horrible twat.
OP you sound really nice and so does your DD.
I honestly believe you are proud for all the reasons you say you are and mean no offence at all.
But I am afraid, as the mother of a disabled child, I do find this thread a bit odd.

If it was about my child I would be incredibly upset.

It's just another point of view. I think its sad generally that this subject warrents a thread.
It sort of shows how far society has to go before we truly achieve equality.

From the responses to anyone else who has not agreed totally I am pretty sure I will get a pasting. But it wouldn't be he first time :)

Why would you be 'incredibly upset' that your child had befriended someone who didn't give a toss about their disability?

Of course everlong is not a troll .

She's always on MN (in the nicest possible sense). She was called up on something. She apologised.

Why is MN so silly sometimes?

its interseting as some parents who have children with sn have posted and said they get the op and others have said they dont like it. and i can see both points of view.

as i said i am pleased with my own children in a post on the last page as they stuck up for a boy with sn when he was being bullied. its not something that i would do a thread about on mnet.

but then we do all sorts of threads about being annoyed wiht/proud of our children.

and the ops dd does sound lovely, perhaps the op has put it badly in the 'gushing with pride' bit and she should just be pleased she has raised a child who is nice who doesnt see this childs disability as a defining feature. it is what we should all aim for, not just for disability but for colour, race, religion, etc.

my aim with my 5 is to raise them to treat others as they would like to be treated themselves.

and sorry to go back to everlong but i think the point was that she had NOT apologised. however if she has done and i missed then i am sorry :)

Why would anyone flame? It's just a differing perspective. I'm at a stage in my journey that I'd be grateful if DD1 knew one person who was NT and genuinely considered her their equal, which is what this thread is about.

Perhaps in a few years I would be saddened by it, who knows?

I'm not sure anyone has the right to tell someone who is disabled or the parent of someone disabled, that their reaction to this thread is wrong. We live this stuff every day.

I would be incredibly upset that someone thought they should be extra proud of their child for not giving a toss and thinking it was so extraordinary they started a thread about it.

Wouldn't you be upset if someone did it about your child? Because they didn't have a house with room for a pony or because they were a bit plain or they had a bit of an accent or something?

That someone was bursting with pride because their child didnt think any of these things were noteworthy?

Really?

This is what I conclude: the OP was proud of her daughter for several things. She started a thread to say so. She used a phrase badly. Some posters agreed with her and understood why she was so proud. Some didn't.

The end.

Lougle there have been some quite flamey posts when posters have said they are unsure about the thread.

I understand that parents with kids with SN feel happy that non disabled children accept their kids. Course I do :)

But I refuse to feel grateful for it.
It's how it should be and would be if more people bought their children up the way the OP has hers.
But until it becomes in noteworthy to do so, we are still way behind where we should be.