Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be beside myself with pride over this?

398 replies

trumpeter · 08/09/2012 17:03

Had to share, I'm prob being very pfb but I have been bowled over by dd today.
After a bout of bullying at school then a period of 3 - 6 months with no 'real' friends, dd (15) has been talking about a girl she's met at school who she's became close with. She's been talking about her CONSTANTLY for about 3 or 4 weeks, she's 'great fun, a good laugh, really friendly, not bitchy like all the other girls etc'. I feel like I know this girl inside out already, and we didn't meet until last night when dd asked if she could come round for pizza, a film and stay the night. I was really looking forward to meeting her. So, to cut to the chase, this girl, who is indeed just lovely showed up about 6pm last night, came in, said hello etc then they disappeared off to the room. I left them to it. This morning they came down in their jammies and to my surprise (and don't ask me why I was surprised) I noticed that my dd's new pal is an amputee, she has no right arm below the elbow. I immediately asked her what had happened and she told me she had been in an accident as a baby. Anyway, they ate, lounged about and then her mum picked her up. I asked dd why she hadn't mentioned it before and she simpy said, 'why would I?' while looking at me with a perplexed look. I honestly don't think I've loved her more. Just thought I would share, AIBU to be bursting with pride about my dd's nonchalance about something I'd imagine lots of teen would be awkward about?

OP posts:
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:22

Porto, that "poor" in your post is it in a nutshell really. She is not "poor". The OP's daughter obviously didn't think she was "poor". She just wanted to be her mate.

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:22

You know what Porto, there comes a time when we all have to accept that our minds simply cannot accommodate fresh or very mildly complex ideas. There is no shame in it: it comes to us all. I for one slightly lost track of my father's comprehensive explanation of how polarising lenses work.

I think perhaps your time has come to admit defeat.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:23
squoosh · 08/09/2012 21:23

It's like people are angry at someone daring to be proud of having raised a nice person. It's okay to be proud of good people in our lives.

Pride doesn't have to be reserved for winning an Olympic medal or saving someone from a burning house. Small every day things are also worthy of pride.

BalloonSlayer · 08/09/2012 21:23

yy to Jodie!

When I was 11, a child in my class was known as "xxx from yyy" because she had - gasp! - a NORTHERN accent. ANY difference was commented on.

Not commenting on differences is what we are all aiming for, surely?

Original poster
trumpeter · 08/09/2012 21:23

'Poor' Porto?? Really? That says much more about you than my dd and her pal.

OP posts:
GColdtimer · 08/09/2012 21:23

Porto, she is not being held up as a saint for wanting to be her friend. Are you being deliberately obtuse?

everlong · 08/09/2012 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 08/09/2012 21:24

You're DD sounds lovely, if she were my DD would be extremely proud that she befriended someone for who they are, rather than avoid them for being 'different'.

However, I do find it strange that she told you absolutely everything about this girl and deliberately didn't tell you that she had a limb missing.

I don't find it wrong before anyone gets the wrong end of the stick but I do find it strange that she'd tell you so very much about her and deliberately not tell you that.

The vast majority of teenagers at her school won't have limbs missing, so yes I guess it would definitely be a talking point.

There's no right or wrong here of course, but I don't think her not mentioning her friend's missing limb is what should make you proud or not proud.

My kids would definitely have befriended her if she was a nice person and they definitely would have mentioned her missing limb to me - the same as they would have mentioned if she was bald/had one eye/spoke with a heavy accent of some sort.

Describing a friend accurately doesn't define someone.

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:24

Everlong, thank you for exquisitely demonstrating my point.

Portofino · 08/09/2012 21:25

I have no issue - but the OP clearly does. SHE is the one who wants to define the friend as disabled and to be proud of her dd for being friends and "not mentioning it"

CalamityKate · 08/09/2012 21:25

It's just that the OP has been struck by the evidence that her daughter is turning out the way any of us hope our children will.

What if she'd come on here saying "I was so proud of my son today when I saw him helping an elderly person across the road"? Would the bonfire-pissers be falling over themselves to announce "Well what's so great about that, so he should"?

BalloonSlayer · 08/09/2012 21:25

sorry, x-post with Lougle and wasn't intending to contradict,

AvonCallingBarksdale · 08/09/2012 21:26

The poor girl probably wants to live her life as normally as possible and her friends should not be held up as saints for wanting to be her friend

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Very slowly now. She is not a "poor" girl. The OPs DD is not being praised for being friends with this girl because she has a disability!!!! It's because the disability is deemed not mentionworthy by the OP's DD.

My head is hurting, and I'd like to be Jodie's new friend, please.

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:27

Calamity yes they would. They absolutely would.

It is precisely this tendency on MN that makes me want to slip into the relationships topic and post about my kind and considerate DH

Misery and moaning is sacred. Joy and pleasure is to be stamped upon with as much savagery as the collective Mum-booted heel can muster.

Disclaimer: I would not do this etc. etc. etc. I love MN etc. etc. it has seen me through some very tough times etc. etc. etc.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:27

Porto, the way I see it is that the OP (and several others since) have acknowledged that for them it would be an issue. Not a negative issue certainly, but certainly something a bit unusual and worthy of mention. In a way, perhaps the OP is saying "Haven't we done well?" in that today's youngsters are more accepting that their parents are.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:27

Apologies for overuse of "certainly".

Moominsarescary · 08/09/2012 21:28

" I really cunting hate thick people"

Love it!

jody if I had gin I would give it all to you

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 21:28

EVERYONE can be my friend

I have also amputated my fingertip TWICE (true story, ask Ariel) so you'll be adding to your quota as well.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:28

Hurrah! Calamity said the same as me!

cupofteaplease · 08/09/2012 21:29

As a parent of a child with very visible disabilities, I feel proud of OP's dd too- it's too easy for people to stare or pity, it's harder to interact and accept the disability and see the person underneath.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/09/2012 21:30

I was wondering what the parent of a visibly disabled child would think of this. Thank you cup of tea :)

Moominsarescary · 08/09/2012 21:30

Jodie even

Original poster
trumpeter · 08/09/2012 21:31

Yes, cupoftea thank you for the perspective.

OP posts:
everlong · 08/09/2012 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.