Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be beside myself with pride over this?

398 replies

trumpeter · 08/09/2012 17:03

Had to share, I'm prob being very pfb but I have been bowled over by dd today.
After a bout of bullying at school then a period of 3 - 6 months with no 'real' friends, dd (15) has been talking about a girl she's met at school who she's became close with. She's been talking about her CONSTANTLY for about 3 or 4 weeks, she's 'great fun, a good laugh, really friendly, not bitchy like all the other girls etc'. I feel like I know this girl inside out already, and we didn't meet until last night when dd asked if she could come round for pizza, a film and stay the night. I was really looking forward to meeting her. So, to cut to the chase, this girl, who is indeed just lovely showed up about 6pm last night, came in, said hello etc then they disappeared off to the room. I left them to it. This morning they came down in their jammies and to my surprise (and don't ask me why I was surprised) I noticed that my dd's new pal is an amputee, she has no right arm below the elbow. I immediately asked her what had happened and she told me she had been in an accident as a baby. Anyway, they ate, lounged about and then her mum picked her up. I asked dd why she hadn't mentioned it before and she simpy said, 'why would I?' while looking at me with a perplexed look. I honestly don't think I've loved her more. Just thought I would share, AIBU to be bursting with pride about my dd's nonchalance about something I'd imagine lots of teen would be awkward about?

OP posts:
JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 22:32

If someone doesn't say "off you fuck" very shortly I, for one, will be sorely disappointed.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 08/09/2012 22:32

I lurrrve Oscar.
I heart Jodie.
OP, YADNBU
Everlong Confused just that really.

I bid you good night

everlong · 08/09/2012 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 22:32

Thanks Avon - I heart your name

EleanorHandbasket · 08/09/2012 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cupofteaplease · 08/09/2012 22:33

Just to come back to this. When we went away on a group holiday with disabled children and adults, I was proud of my dd's for interacting with the adults with severe learning disabilities in a normal way. They haven't had any experience with this, so initially they were unsure how to talk to them. Once they felt comfortable and adapted to the situation, I felt immensely proud. Rightly or wrongly, I wouldn't expect a 5 and 7 year old to adapt so quickly to a new social situation. I feel it's something to mention and be proud of. They get very upset when strangers stare like idiots at their disabled sister, they much prefer when someone asks what's wrong with her. Why pretend that disabilities don't exist?

AvonCallingBarksdale · 08/09/2012 22:33
Blush
Original poster
trumpeter · 08/09/2012 22:34

Pretty shit troll making up something about a teenager and her one armed friend. Get over yourself.

OP posts:
JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 22:34

Thanks Eleanor

I can now close the laptop and make DH some overly sweet and much too weak instant coffee and watch The Thick Of It, not least cos my pal's in it

CupofTea a lovely thoughtful post.

everlong · 08/09/2012 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebestisyettocome · 08/09/2012 22:36

That is an interesting point cupofteaplease Sadly, this thread seems to have sunk to a level of debate of the lowest common denomenator Sad

NCForNow · 08/09/2012 22:38

I think OP is mainly proud that her DD has made a friend. The thing is OP...THAT is what matters...not that your DD didn't mention that her mate is an amputee...what matters is that she has been bullied and had a hard time and come out of it.

Maybe you needed to follow your DDs lead on this thread and just say She's made a friend and moved on from the bullying?

JodieHarsh · 08/09/2012 22:40

NC pal how's the bum burn?

roundtable · 08/09/2012 22:43

This is better than the telly tonight.

Did not see this twist coming at all.

I wish I had something more constructive to say, sorry.

Glad there are parents out there who are proud of their children for being nonjudgmental. It's a good quality to have and should be encouraged.

Lougle · 08/09/2012 22:48

"In the same vane that we know you din't steal. I am not proud of my children for doing the right thing and not breaking the law, but the people who do make me feel sick to my stomach."

Well, it's not in the same vane at all.

You might be proud that your DC don't steal, and the people who do make you sick.

BUT if you lived in an area where 99% of the children did steal, you should be immensely proud if your child is part of the 1% who don't.

We live in a society (except for the MN bubble where everyone is perfect and all the children are perfect and right on) where differences and disabilities are noticed, and are commented on.

It isn't normal to have 1 arm. Just like it isn't normal that my almost 7 year old needs constant supervision, has no social boundaries, is wobbly, people can't understand what she saying (even close family), etc.

Ok, people might describe her as the lovely girl with curly brown hair and freckles. They're more likely to say 'the little girl with SN......'

GoldenBabooshka · 08/09/2012 22:48

YANBU! She sounds lovely.

Reminds me of my DH and my mum. She has sever muscle wastage in her arm due to having polio when she was very little, it's fairly obvious.

DH didn't realise until around a month after meeting her and coming to our home that she had any disability and only became aware of it when she asked him to carry a cup of coffee for her as she couldn't because of her "wee arm". He was flabbergasted at himself for not noticing. Oh how we laughed.

Difference being here though, is that your DD is a nice young girl who didn't feel the need to bring it up.

DH is simply a lovable moron.

:o

NCForNow · 08/09/2012 22:50

Jodie It's bloody amazing actually! That Flamazine is briliant stuff! Thanks for asking!

And you know FULL well it was an arm burn! Not a BUM burn! Grin

Toughasoldboots · 08/09/2012 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 08/09/2012 22:56

Lougle I am disabled. I am acutely aware of the amount of abuse disabled people get, I am aware that some people will call me " the disabled one", but not of all them will. No where near 99% of them will. My children's friends don't comment on it. I don't understand why I should be proud of them for nor doing it!

Lougle · 08/09/2012 23:02

You don't have to be, but the OP is entitled to be proud of her daughter for displaying values that she has instilled in her.

Original poster
trumpeter · 08/09/2012 23:04

tut how do you know they don't comment on it? I'd imagine they wouldn't to your face, out of respect for a friend's mum but behind your back how do you know you're not 'the disabled mum'. If you were to pop round to one of your kids' friends parents, might they say to their parents in advance, 'oh, by the way such and such's mum is disabled'?

OP posts:
NCForNow · 08/09/2012 23:07

Lougle not wanting to bunfight here but the OP hasn't displayed those values herself has she?

Original poster
trumpeter · 08/09/2012 23:10

NCForNow, absolutely, which might account for why I'm so damned chuffed with her. I would definitely have mentioned it to my mum, probably in the first breath. I'm not taking any credit for this, now that would be unreasonable Wink

OP posts:
ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 08/09/2012 23:19

Haven't read all this but i'm always incredibly proud of my DS1 who doesn't steal, mug old people, break into houses or cars/take drugs and has befriended people with acne/disabilities/black/white/ginger hair.. and i am pleased they befriended him with his sometimes odd ways and social awkwardness. I have a right to be proud because he hasn't had a good time of things, and i brought him up as a single parent which usually means that our kids are thieving ratbags who will definately end up in prison, if you are to believe the 'hype'

I believe the OP was more pleased that her DD had found a nice friend, and hadn't said 'i'm ONLY friends with her because she is disabled'

I would be majorly proud too, like i was with DS2's raving review from the nursery where he is said to be a pleasant boy, very easy to do, and a pleasure to teach. Grin

FizzyLaces · 08/09/2012 23:21

Why do some people have to be such twats? I get you OP, you should be very proud. Well done :) x