...to be beside myself with pride over this?

[trumpeter]

Had to share, I'm prob being very pfb but I have been bowled over by dd today.
After a bout of bullying at school then a period of 3 - 6 months with no 'real' friends, dd (15) has been talking about a girl she's met at school who she's became close with. She's been talking about her CONSTANTLY for about 3 or 4 weeks, she's 'great fun, a good laugh, really friendly, not bitchy like all the other girls etc'. I feel like I know this girl inside out already, and we didn't meet until last night when dd asked if she could come round for pizza, a film and stay the night. I was really looking forward to meeting her. So, to cut to the chase, this girl, who is indeed just lovely showed up about 6pm last night, came in, said hello etc then they disappeared off to the room. I left them to it. This morning they came down in their jammies and to my surprise (and don't ask me why I was surprised) I noticed that my dd's new pal is an amputee, she has no right arm below the elbow. I immediately asked her what had happened and she told me she had been in an accident as a baby. Anyway, they ate, lounged about and then her mum picked her up. I asked dd why she hadn't mentioned it before and she simpy said, 'why would I?' while looking at me with a perplexed look. I honestly don't think I've loved her more. Just thought I would share, AIBU to be bursting with pride about my dd's nonchalance about something I'd imagine lots of teen would be awkward about?

Is it me or is it offensive to include black, gay and disfigured in the same (poor) example???

Oh right. So you meant in the same way as say, Welsh, or ginger?

no why is it offensive to include all in the same example. disabled/disfigured (and fwiw the one does not automatically equal the other) is no more or less of a minority than say black or asian when it comes to prejudice.

I wouldn't think any less of you because of that, Everlong. Some of my best friends are Welsh, or ginger. I even know a Northerner.

Everlong: because harelip means 'lip like a hare' which is a) innaccurate and b) offensive

It also came about because years ago, its likeness to the hare was so great that women were accused of having had sexual relations with a hare.

historically it was associated with witchcraft. Mothers of children with cleft palates [and lips] would be accused of all sorts I.e sex with a hare. I object to my cleft being called hare lip as I am not the result of a sexual encounter between a hare & my mother.

But even after you understood, you still continue to use the term!?

I used to use it too. Until I looked it up & realised how the term came about. Then I stopped.

i can see the point people are arguing, but i do get the op's point and have thought similar of my boys, not overwhelming pride but pleased that they are accepting.

there is a child that lives in the same cul-de sac as us and my boys often play out with him, he is 14/15? but he has sn that mean his mental age? (is that the correct term) is more on a par with my 7 and 10yr old ds2 and ds3. all of my boys play with him, and when we see him out and about they alway wave a cheerful hello etc. they simply see him as dave (this is not his name) and his sn have never been an issue.

recently some older children were being very mean to 'dave' picking on him, calling him names, these were teenagers similar age to my ds1. anyway my ds2 firstly told these teens who are much older and bigger then him, to stop being so mean. and then he came and told me what was happening, he was very upset and he couldnt understand WHY these teens were being mean to 'dave' as he said 'dave has never done anything to them, why do they have to be so nasty' they had also used some VILE terms begining with m ending with g... ds2 had never heard this word before and had no idea what it meant, but he knew/could tell it wasnt nice.

anyway we had a bit of chat about how some people are not very nice and will pick on others for all sorts of reasons ie appearance etc and this includes sn and disabilites. ds2 knew implicitly that this was wrong and YES i was proud that my children stood up to bullies, that they couldnt understand why a child would be picked on for having sn. it was refreshing to see that innocence when so often in the media we hear the opposite.

i didnt praise him for being friends with dave, i did say it was nice of him to stick up for him AND good that he came and told me. i went out took note of the school uniform the teens were wearing and phoned their school to make a complaint about their behaviour!

anyway slightly different example but i can relate to how the op feels, pleased that i seem to be raising children who are kind and empathatic and caring etc, who will hopefully grow into kind, caring adults. and its at moments like this when you spot a bit of the adult they are growing in to and that is something to feel good about imo.

re cleft lip, there was a thread on this recently, i think it came up in a few threads. and hare lip is known to be offensive. do a quite search and i am sure the threads will come up :)

Ahem.

David Weir. Wow.

I wouldnt feel overwhelming pride. I am teaching them to be accepting from a very young age. I would feel quietly pleased that they had turned out to be accepted and not highlight any differences between people.

I've not read all the thread but seriously everlong surely the connotation that a deformity of the face coupled with the naming of it after an animal is OBVIOUSLY offensive. Why did you not 'see' that, I assume you're a sentient human being?

i would have thought it was fairly obvious it was offensive as well, but also i have to say i am aware or try to be aware of things that can be offensive and mnet has been a great educator in learning terms that can be used and ones which would cause offensive. i do try and look things up and check as i do not want to inadvertadly cause offense. seems logical to me :)

I think your DD was probably glad at finally having a friend and has obviously learnt that being singled out or bullied for being different isn't very nice.

Don't know why you're bursting with pride though. I went to school with a boy without an arm, and he was the most popular boy in the year. Girls used to line up to go out with him.

i dont know how old you are everlong but i am 33 and have never used the term hare lip, it has always been cleft lip/cleft lip and palate.

How would I ever know it was offensive if I wasn't told?

Seriously, you would need to be told? I don't suppose anyone ever ^told^ me that it was offensive - it's fairly obvious, though, if you give it a moment's thought, no?
As to the OP, I think it's really churlish not to allow her to feel proud of her DD. I feel proud of my DC for all sorts of reasons, some may be the same as other parents, some not, but I wouldn't argue the toss. It's just a nice thing, isn't it? Why try and spoil that

And just because it was called a hare lip doesn't make it OK. People of mixed heritage used to be called half cast(e), but that doesn't make it right, does it? Understanding evolves over time.