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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to fine my DH for 'misdemeanors'?

144 replies

finethegit · 07/09/2012 21:34

My DH is a nice bloke, a good dad and I love him very much. However, as with most relationships there are varying annoyances, personality clashes. I'm very sure that should my DH be here he would say the same.

Some of the things that bug the crap out of me are; loading the dishwasher incorrectly (c'mon, everyone knows there's a correct way Wink ), piss drips on the bathroom floor, avoiding putting the kids to bed (kids are a nightmare at bedtime) by urgently needing to do stuff out of the house, stepping over the washing pile (I left it there deliberately for days and he continued stepping over it), and so on and so forth.

I did, for a long time, take issue with stuff and pull him up on it...which he either ignored, or did in a huff with very bad grace. He also started doing the same to me over things that bugged him and I wasn't too keen on that one!

So I started keeping my mouth shut, and found myself seething continually, which was as bad as the other options.

Eventually I decided to 'fine' him. Every 'bad deed' has a price. I write down the amount (in code) in a notepad, and then once a month I draw it out and stick it into my bank account. I've found that I don't feel at all (well, almost not at all) stressed anymore.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/09/2012 21:36

If you're asking if you're being unreasonable to steal from your Husband, then yes of course you are.

RaisinDEtre · 07/09/2012 21:38

umm

yabu to steal, of course you are

what do you do/not do that gets on HIS pip?

Original poster
finethegit · 07/09/2012 21:39

Hmm, it's not really stealing is it. Not really.

OP posts:
Tortington · 07/09/2012 21:39

i think it's genius

Original poster
finethegit · 07/09/2012 21:39

Oh I do plenty to annoy him I'm sure Grin

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 07/09/2012 21:40

Really? Biscuit

AMumInScotland · 07/09/2012 21:40

How about talking to this person who you are supposedly sharing you life with, rather than dealing in nagging, passive aggressive tactics, and theft?

coppertop · 07/09/2012 21:40

Why not tell him about this great new system so that he has the option of fining you for your "bad deeds" too?

Or does "He also started doing the same to me over things that bugged him and I wasn't too keen on that one!" apply here too?

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 07/09/2012 21:41

Does he know you do it?

I wouldn't be proud about it if I were you.

sooperdooper · 07/09/2012 21:41

I think some people are taking this a little too serioulsy and this should be read as more light hearted ;)

But in all seriousness, just tell him!!!

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2012 21:41

Yes of course it's stealing.

You're dishonestly taking an amount of money from what I assume is meant for both of you...to spend on yourself alone without telling him.

Apart from the dishonesty, it's childish.

If you have problems then try to sort them...making up stupid 'fines' just makes you sound strange.

AgentZigzag · 07/09/2012 21:41

Is it possible to steal from a DH?

I don't think it's a good idea to play games with this kind of shit, especially as he plays them back.

It doesn't sound like a very comfortable atmosphere to me.

Original poster
finethegit · 07/09/2012 21:41

He'd have a job to fine me, I'm a SAHM, he'd be taking it from himself.

OP posts:
lydiamama · 07/09/2012 21:42

YABU, and you know it!!!! are you going to repay when he does something good? and is he allowed to fine you for that little things you do and he dislikes?
We are all in the same boat, this little things happen in all households (I think it is written somewhere in a man's DNA that once they marry they know NOTHING about the laundry), and we have to live with it, it is part of the fun to be married. Chill out and just enjoy the good things

BurlingtonBertieFromBow · 07/09/2012 21:42

Bit weird...

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 07/09/2012 21:43

It's dishonest.

And childish.

And tbh, really quite weird.

Original poster
finethegit · 07/09/2012 21:43

No, it's a good atmosphere. I have told him to load to dishwasher correctly 100's of times (nicely), but he still won't. So it's deliberate. 50p for me.

OP posts:
2girls2dogs · 07/09/2012 21:44

is this a joke? Thing is, if this was a man doing this, the advice wouldnt be fine the git, it would be leave the bastard, and quite right too.

I can't believe two things here

Firstly, You actually do this
Secondly, you think its OK
and actually, thirdly, other people think this is ok.

If your DH isn't doing his fair share of stuff, then talk to him about it, but what you are doing is underhanded and deceitful, disrespectful and shitty.

2girls2dogs · 07/09/2012 21:44

a "correct" way to load the dishwasher? Are you quite well?

Original poster
finethegit · 07/09/2012 21:45

I don't see that it's weird. In all fairness, I thought it was inspired!!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/09/2012 21:45

ZigZag yes I think it is.

All money in this house is just 'money'...we don't do the separate account thing.

But we're open and honest about what we spend it on.

If I found out my DH was squirrelling away money from the account without my knowledge, I would consider that stealing.

sooperdooper · 07/09/2012 21:45

Lol, chill the hell out everyone, it's a 50p 'fine' Grin

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2012 21:46

It's weir to 'tell' another adult how to load a dishwasher.

Is your way the only 'correct way'?

Does the washer function the way he does it or won't it work at all?

firawla · 07/09/2012 21:46

yabu this is really weird

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 07/09/2012 21:46

My DH is a nice bloke, a good dad

nice? good? I hope he finds someone loving, exciting and enthralling ... coz you are on a Friday night wind up and just a tad pathetic