To want DH to come to bed at the same time as me?

[loveroflife]

I like to be in bed ready to go to sleep by 11pm to get up with ds at 7am. I NEED my 8 hours, I am god awful without it. However, DH never comes to bed before 12.30am, it really is making me very tired and grumpy.

He says 11pm is too early for him (he gets up at 6.30am) and doesn't need as much sleep as I do. I can't go to sleep before him though as he keeps me awake banging about, lights, brushing teeth etc. Our ds is in the other room and the sofa is not suitable for him to sleep on so these are not options! He is only watching tv, but argues it's his 'down time' and doesn't want to go to bed so early.

I really can't sleep until we are both in bed together, have tried to fall asleep before he comes to bed, but even if I do he wakes me up again.

AIBU?

You really can't actually tell a grown up what time to go to bed. It's not really his fault you can't fall asleep alone.
Can you not ask him to be aware that he is noisy when he comes to bed and tell him to be quiet?

YABU he is a grown man he doesn't need a bedtime!

YABU - yes.

Unless he's making an exceptional amount of noise

I couldn't got to bed before midnight even if I'd been up all night before.

Have you tried earplugs?

yabu, he is a grown man. i would tell him to keep the noise down

But he should be quiet when he comes to bed though

Yeah yabu, you can't make him. Put ear plugs in, that's what I do so I don't hear dh banging about downstairs (& later, snoring!)

YANBU to want it, YWBU to expect it. 11 is early for many people, maybe ask him if there's any things he could do before you go to bed, so there's less banging later?

It's so annoying though, it drives me mad. If I get earplugs I won't be able to hear the alarm though will I?

I feel your pain DH does this and it drives me insane! He stays up til after 12 most nights and tries to be considerate with noise etc but it makes me very cross when he is tired and grumpy next day because of his refusal to come to bed at a reasonable time!

Anyway to me YANBU but I suppose it is unreasonable to dictate another adults bedtime

I can see your point about waking you when he eventually comes to bed but if he's not tired he'd probably only keep you awake if he did retire the same time because he'd be tossing and turning to get to sleep.

Why does he have to be so.noisy? Walk in, remove clothes, get under covers.

You can't dictate his bedtime, he's not a child, and 12.30 is not late.
Can't he do all the noisy stuff earlier then he just has to get into bed.
YABVU.

Have you tried earplugs?

I swear by these, Worra. I travel a lot with work and they block out any noise if I end up in a hotel room near the lift etc. I also use them at home as I go to bed before my teenage sons, otherwise same problem as OP with being disturbed by use of bathroom etc.

But do you never go to bed at the same time, OP, even at weekends?

He probably wants some time alone each day to relax.

12.30 is the early hours of the morning and is pretty late actually, it means I only have 6.5 hours every night which has a big impact on how I feel the next day, my energy levels, my moods, my concentration.

I think if you don't need sleep you don't appreciate how important it is to those who do need it.

I feel your pain - my husband is exactly the same - I stick his pyjamas outside the bedroom door and leave him to get on with it. It is difficult though to get to sleep if he's not in the bed as I know he's going to be arriving.

How about having nightly fun in bed men always fall asleep after.

Seriously tho, yanbu wanting sleep and not wanting him to disturb you. Yabu to parent him tho. If he wants to stay up and it's really causing problems sort alternative sleeping arrangements.

I have the little ones in with me here and dh sleeps elsewhere. It's perfect.

When we share (pre little ones) earplugs were essential

Yes at weekends I go about 12am and wait for him to come to bed. By the time he gets in though and we have a chat and cuddle it edges towards 1am - even worse!

Yes YABU, although you do get some sympathy from me.

Use earplugs. If he's getting up at 6.30 anyway, he can wake you up for 7.

In practical terms, maybe he could brush his teeth and put his pjs on downstairs, so all he has to do is come in (in the dark) and get into bed?

I can understand what your are saying.

DH ( when he's not working away) and i go to bed at 10pm.

DH goes to sleep and i either MN or read my kindle. Sometimes i watch TV/DVDs.

It's not that i am made to go to bed, i just like relaxing in bed iyswim.

When DH is working away, i go up to bed at 9pm and watch TV/DVDs , then read.

It's a routine developed over 25 years of being together.

YAB very slightly U

We are almost the same except I have no problem at all sleeping through DP's noises coming to bed. To be fair he does try to be quiet and not wake me up. Maybe you should talk to your DH about that.

What irritates me in our case is the fact that he stays up too late for his own good, wakes up tired and is suffering (in my opinion) from lack of sleep.
He also complains that I go to bed too early and we don't spend enough time together but that's another issue.....

Yabu. My dh is like this. He wants me to be in bed by 10.30 which is not really a problem but he doesn't even want me to use my phone in bed because apparently it gives out a light. Even when the phone is facing away from him. It is so dark in the room I can't even see him so I don't understand is problem.

Yanbu if he I'd making noise though. That would annoy me.

YABU - you cannot tell another adult what time they have to go to bed.

You can, however, tell him that its not fair for him to be so noisy when he does finally come up and that he is waking you up. Ask for a bit of consideration or tell him to stay on the sofa.