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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids toys in the living room

149 replies

RedWallflower · 02/09/2012 09:24

I'm a single mum with 3dcs aged 6,4 and 2. I have a boyfriend, we've been together for 10 months. He is a divorcee with 2 DCs, aged 12 and 9.
My boyfriend thinks I shouldn't allow the kids to have toys or play in my front room, because they have their own rooms, and a playroom outside. Yesterday he was annoyed when he noticed a pencil case on the table, as they'd been colouring in. Although I agree, they should be encouraged to play in their own rooms, and my living room is quite small, I think at times when I'm busy it's nice for the kids to play quietly where I am. They're still little after all.

Also he doesn't think I should be downloading games for them to play on my iPad, as it's my iPad, and they're too wee to play in such an expensive piece of kit. Yesterday he noticed my iPad had a wee dent on the corner, and blamed the kids for dropping it, or something.

This is the main thing we row about. I suggested we agree to disagree. I know he's keen for us to live together, and I wonder if this is driving his concerns about having mainly adult only space in the house.

Anyway. What's your thoughts? Thanks!

OP posts:
gothicangel · 02/09/2012 09:27

i think he is being silly.

cariadlet · 02/09/2012 09:28

My boyfriend thinks I shouldn't allow the kids to have toys or play in my front room, because they have their own rooms, and a playroom outside.

Unbelievable! They're only little. As long as their toys are tidied away when they've finished playing with them, then of course they should be able to have them in the front room.
What does he expect? The adults sitting in the front room on their own, the children off in their bedrooms, and only meeting as a family for meals?
I'd certainly think twice about ever moving in together if that's his attitude.

cozietoesie · 02/09/2012 09:29

'What's he going to come up with next?' is what I think. Especially if you start living together. He doesn't sound very child-accepting to me and I wonder what his own house was like when his DCs were that age. And what it's like now.

I'd be thinking long and hard about this relationship, OP.

RevoltingChildren · 02/09/2012 09:30

It would ring loud alarm bells for me

I had relations who were like this & growing up I thought it was awful that my cousins weren't allowed to have their stuff out. It felt like they were living in a museum

At age 2&4 you really don't want your kids playing in their rooms (6 is borderline I guess) but you really need to be keeping an eye on them. They are too little to be left alone

I always allowed mine to have stuff out but them gathered it all up in a box which was put out of sight at the end of the day

WildWorld2004 · 02/09/2012 09:30

Why is this man involved in your childrens lives?

Freddiebump · 02/09/2012 09:30

I think they're your kids and if you're happy with it, then leave it be. It really is none of his business what your kids do in your home!!

My ds has toys all over the living room, and I'm currently sat at the kitchen table having a cuppa, surrounded by ds creating masterpieces lol. He has no toys at all in his bedroom as he shows no interest in playing in there and I actually quite like his company. No way would I have anyone telling me this is wrong, especially not a boyfriend of 10 months who wasn't father to my child!

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 02/09/2012 09:32

TBH I never like the sound of someone who tries to impose their rules on someone elses home.

How does he suggest you supervise your children if they are away upstairs (is he mad? Children? pens? out of sight??? recipe for redecorating)

blondieminx · 02/09/2012 09:32

Re read your own post. This guy was annoyed about a pencil case?

I'd be very Hmm about that. Your home, your space - do what works for you and your children.

Trying to say that you shouldn't put stuff on your iPad for your DC's as well sounds rather mean...

Iggly · 02/09/2012 09:33

This isn't like a disagreement about which way to hang loo roll, it's about your children. He seems quick to blame your kids or complain about them when you've been doing it your way with no problems.

Honestly I'd be thinking long and hard about this man. Are there other things about your dc that annoy him?

BlackberryIce · 02/09/2012 09:33

Just remember... He's someone's ex for a reason!

cozietoesie · 02/09/2012 09:34

If it wasn't the DCs Iggly, I think it would be straight for the OP.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 02/09/2012 09:34

Red Flag Red Flag Red Flag!

YOU are the parent. If you want to download the entire Disney cartoon backlog to your iPad and then let your DC cover it in jam it's your prerogative.

RuleBritannia · 02/09/2012 09:34

Your children, your house, your rules. End of.

Why is your boyfriend poking his nose into your domestic private business. As others have said, Beware.

From the sound of it, he's already started to try to control you.

ShakyStart · 02/09/2012 09:34

I do have toys in the lounge although at the end of the day or before we go out, the toys are put away in a toy box that's in the corner of the lounge. I don't think you can expect your children at their ages to restrict play with their toys to certain rooms. The two year old in particular is too young to just go and play alone in his room upstairs. My two yr old always wants to play with his toys near me and I agree that it's nice when you're busy if they play nearby as you can still keep an eye on them. I think your boyfriend is being a tad unrealistic and provided the children put their toys away so that the lounge is clear before they go to bed, I can't see his problem.

ginmakesitallok · 02/09/2012 09:34

In an ideal world our entire downstairs would be a toy free zone - my 2 DDs have their own rooms and the spare room is used as their play room so they have plenty of space. In the real world the whole house is their playroom. It's their house too - so they can have their things in the living room. Drives me mad though, so I see where you're DP is coming from.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 02/09/2012 09:36

...and if he wants adult only space I suggest he looks into getting a shed.

twooter · 02/09/2012 09:36

He sounds like a control freak who wishes your children weren't there. What you and your kids do in your home and with your stuff is none of his business. I dread to think what would happen if you moved in together and one of your children accidentally broke something of his. Get out quick.

iggi777 · 02/09/2012 09:37

Bet his kids have fun when they stay with him.

Flisspaps · 02/09/2012 09:38

My thoughts?

I wouldn't consider living with him. I would tell him to get to the far side of fuck and send him off with a cheery wave.

No-one tells me what to do in my home.

ThePigOnTheWall · 02/09/2012 09:40

I wouldn't be rushing into anything with this man. And yes, I think 10 months is possibly too soon to even introduce him to the kids, let alone consider him living with them and certainly to try and dictate to you about your own home and DC

KazzaRazza · 02/09/2012 09:40

As the others have said, this is a big red flag for me. He's already issuing demands about how you and your children live and what you are your children should and shouldn't be doing and you're not even living together.

If you insist on carrying on with the relationship, that's your prerogative but I would most definately not be moving in with him.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 02/09/2012 09:41

I do know people who are like that but no, I wouldn't expect my ds to live like that. A lot of it now goes in cupboards at night but certain things like garages and houses are out all the time. YANBU. It is your childrens home too.

Boggler · 02/09/2012 09:42

I think the toys are a red herring, I think he wants to forget you have kids at all. He doesn't want to see any evidence of their existence and wants to pretend its just you and him - which is very worrying because of course it can't ever be just you and him. I'd personally keep this man away from my children and possible from me too, he sounds as if he'd have lots of unreasonable rules which would not make for a happy joint home. What's he like with his own dc's? As someone posted he is someone's ex for a reason!

Flisspaps · 02/09/2012 09:43

What's next?

I don't like you wearing X. Wear Y instead.

I don't like you going to see A. Stay in with me instead.

FizzyLaces · 02/09/2012 09:44

He sounds horrible, I would much rather my little one was in the same room as me and yours are so young.