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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect ex to have son on a weekday?

131 replies

PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 18:32

Myself and my ex have a 6 month old son and are struggling to agree to where, when and how much contact.

Long story short, I suggested he has him overnight fri one week then Thurs the next as well as some evening contact. He has said yes to overnight but not on a thurs as ..... he works!

I have pointed out that it is only one night every 2 weeks and that I will be a full time student, getting two children ready and dropped off at school and nursery before college but in his words "Its not the same as work and you don't have to drive".

Ok he has a 40 min journey to work but so do countless others with children. I feel really frustrated, it would be fantastic to have a decent nights sleep once in a while and I think he is being pathetic. AIBU??

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 18:33

Oh and I have to walk to school, then into town, then to college so this will take me longer than his 40 minute commute.

OP posts:
BlackberryIce · 30/08/2012 18:35

Yabu!

Gumby · 30/08/2012 18:37

Can't you get legal advice?

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 18:40

blackberryIce please explain

I am getting legal advice, we are hopefully going to mediation, I am just saying that he is being a bit pathetic not having him on a week night.

OP posts:
GhostShip · 30/08/2012 18:41

Erm... What do you expect him to do? He works for god sake. Or would you rather he did what other parents do and pass him to a childminder?

YABVU

missymoomoomee · 30/08/2012 18:43

If he feels he can't cope with having to get up and get ready with DS then its not going to be in anyones best interests to try and force him. Its crap for you but I would try with a different compromise tbh.

mynewpassion · 30/08/2012 18:43

Why doesn't he have him every other weekend (fri to sun midday) and Friday night the week as a compromise?

PureMorning · 30/08/2012 18:44

Why does it have to be Thursday?
he has said yeas to having him so he clearly want to be involved. Can you not pick another day?

Hulababy · 30/08/2012 18:45

What hours are you asking him to have ds?
Will he need to miss work in order to collect/drop him off?

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 18:45

Sorry I havent explained very well. I meant after work he could see him on a Thurs evening, have him overnight and then drop him off at nursery in the morning.

I am a full time student so I have to get both my children ready and dropped off for 9 15. I was asking why he thinks its ok for me to have him full time and study etc. yet he can't manage one night in two weeks. Hope this makes more sense.

OP posts:
GnocchiNineDoors · 30/08/2012 18:46

So, you tell us what you have suggested to him....what has he suggested?

GhostShip · 30/08/2012 18:49

Oh sorry I was a bit harsh with my post, didn't realise that's what you meant!

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 18:49

There is already contact, however we are always arguing hence going to mediation to try and get a plan in place we are both happy with. I can't force him to have him overnight on a week day and I am going to let the matter drop but I just wanted peoples opinion on this.

If he was still in a relationship, he would be expected to do his fair share, I guess I just feel a bit peeved.

OP posts:
BlackberryIce · 30/08/2012 18:49

You weren't clear. You said he works, so who would look after your ds?

So he commutes back. What time would he be able to collect and what time does your ds go to bed?

PureMorning · 30/08/2012 18:51

But if he has him overnight on the weekend is it not the same thing? You still get the night off and he gets the babyConfused

greenplastictrees · 30/08/2012 18:53

I don't think YABU. As he's against this idea, what has he come up with instead?

BlackberryIce · 30/08/2012 18:56

What is he supposed to do on fri morning? A 40 min commute and he has to drop off at what time?

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 18:56

I have suggested Mon and wed evening, just for a couple of hours as baby needs to be in bed quite early. Then alternate Thurs evening and over night or Fri and overnight. I have also said sat daytime.

Don't get me wrong, he is a good dad and wants to be involved and I thank my lucky stars for that but he is being silly saying he want him every evening during the week and all day sat and sun. Obviously this isn't practical, myself and my older son would never see him. Its just when I try and sort out a practical arrangement he gets silly and makes up excuses like Oh I work, so will be too tired to have him on a weekday.

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 18:59

He would have to drop off DS at nursery about 7 15am or he could drop him off with me as we still live close to each other.

OP posts:
DorisIsWaiting · 30/08/2012 19:02

I don't think YABU.

There is every chance the contact you set up now will continue as he gets to school. If Exp has more time at the weekends you could be less seeing your child with less 'free' time (once the tea bath bed routine is out of the way).

persoanlly if he wants to see him a week night would be good you can study etc. The fact that he will have to organise himself to get him to nursery before work, is something hundreds of thousands of other parents manage why should he be any different?

What happens when you start work, I guess you would be expected to manage a nursery/ school drop off etc...

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:02

puremorning Yes I guess so. Not really looked at it like that.

OP posts:
MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 30/08/2012 19:04

I don't see why he shouldn't have his own child overnight and have to manage in the morning like everyone else does.

Why should he get to pick and choose when he has his child just because he happens to be a man? why do some of you on here think it should all be tailored to suit the father's schedule?

TidyDancer · 30/08/2012 19:05

I don't understand why it's so important for him to have DS on a weekday? Wouldn't the time be of more quality if it was at the weekend?

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:06

doris Yes this is my point, like I say thankfully he does want to be involved but only when it suits him IYSWIM. I am a full time student and am expected to look after two children, take them to various after school activities etc, study and run a house, yet he can't manage having his son overnight on a weekday once in two weeks!

OP posts:
PureMorning · 30/08/2012 19:08

It's got nothing to do with pandering to the man

Op said she wants him to have the baby overnight, he said he wants the baby overnight, so why not pick a day both are happy with?
Got nothing todo with him being a man at all

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