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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect ex to have son on a weekday?

131 replies

PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 18:32

Myself and my ex have a 6 month old son and are struggling to agree to where, when and how much contact.

Long story short, I suggested he has him overnight fri one week then Thurs the next as well as some evening contact. He has said yes to overnight but not on a thurs as ..... he works!

I have pointed out that it is only one night every 2 weeks and that I will be a full time student, getting two children ready and dropped off at school and nursery before college but in his words "Its not the same as work and you don't have to drive".

Ok he has a 40 min journey to work but so do countless others with children. I feel really frustrated, it would be fantastic to have a decent nights sleep once in a while and I think he is being pathetic. AIBU??

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:09

tidy

My son isn't a very good sleeper and it would be lovely, just now and again to have a full nights sleep as I am at college the next day and its hard trying to concentrate on very little sleep.

He will be seeing him on a Saturday day too.

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:10

My ex works Mon - Fri 8am until 5pm normal everyday hours

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 30/08/2012 19:12

I would think it was more important that he spent quality time with the child, he won't be able to do that during the week due to work.

Why can't he have the baby fri night till sat afternoon? then you both get to spend some quality time at the weekend

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 30/08/2012 19:12

Puremorning, he will want it to be a weekend, the OP would like him to cover a weeknight (as she will be covering all the other weeknights/weekday mornings). He's looking for the easy option. I don't think it's fair that it should be the OP compromising rather than him

Brainthesnail · 30/08/2012 19:14

He should be having every-other-weekend and a mid-week as the minimum.

Moominsarescary · 30/08/2012 19:14

Oh he will still have him some hours on the Saturday even if the baby stays a night in the week

WorraLiberty · 30/08/2012 19:15

My son isn't a very good sleeper and it would be lovely, just now and again to have a full nights sleep as I am at college the next day and its hard trying to concentrate on very little sleep

But you think your ex will be able to concentrate on a 40 minute drive and a day at work?

Sounds like a bit of a stalemate to me.

Moominsarescary · 30/08/2012 19:16

Courts seem to like every other weekend and 1 mid week stay, that's what's happened with all the people I know who have been to court recently.

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:17

moomin I have suggested that he does exactly that one week and a Thurs the week after.

I spend quality time with both my children every evening despite me being at college and older lad at school. Quantity doesn't equal quality. It is possible to spend QUALITY time with someone at any time.

OP posts:
BlackberryIce · 30/08/2012 19:18

Why doesn't he have him every Other full weekend?

mynewpassion · 30/08/2012 19:19

Instead of Thursday then let him have a Friday. Every other weekend Friday to Monday morning then Friday night.

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:19

worra yes but its once in a fortnight. I have college and 2 children full time.

yes moomin* he would be able to see DS on sat even if he had him midweek.

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:22

mrsmangel Think you have it in a nutshell. He is looking for the easy option! He wont have him all weekend as in his opinion one night a week is "doing me a favour"

OP posts:
Littleplasticpeople · 30/08/2012 19:23

Yanbu and I can't believe people think you are! If I understand correctly you are both 'working' and using childcare- it is irrelevant that your work is academic. Therefore he absolutely should have to have his child over night and get him to his childcare the next morning- just like you do the other four mornings a week.

Brainthesnail · 30/08/2012 19:25

So he doesn't want to look after his son, overnight at weekends?

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:26

I don't really get a choice in this as I cannot force him to have contact, so really it is going to be what he wants.

Like I say I do realise I am lucky that he wants to be involved.

Just frustrating that even if I were to work full time (he doesn't consider college work) he would still say no to overnight stays in the week. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:27

braininthenail He is happy to have him fri night and sat day but he will be bringing him back at 5pm as its weekend don't cha know and sat night is not for looking after babies!

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:28

littleplasticpeople Thank You

OP posts:
Brainthesnail · 30/08/2012 19:28

Why not do friday night every week?

Viviennemary · 30/08/2012 19:32

I would pick a day which you both agree with. If your ex is going to be stressed out getting a baby ready and then going to work what is the point if another day will do just as well. And really it would probably be better for the baby to enjoy a more relaxed time. That's my opinion.

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:33

brain Think it will have to be that.

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/08/2012 19:37

YABU. You cose to go to college, he has to work.

He should be responsible for some of the childcare bill if you were having to work as well, but you're not.

Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:38

viviennemary You are right. Its not worth it. I want my lil one to be happy.

My point was why is it ok for me to be stressed and get up and walk for 40 minutes dropping my kids off and going to college and running a house etc. but he doesn't have to do anything? (he lives with his grandma, who is lovely and does everything for him)

He COULD have him on a weeknight, he just CHOOSES not to

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaSpaniel · 30/08/2012 19:40

outraged I don't ask him to contribute to the cost of childcare. I am now skint and taking a big risk to go to college. Hope it pays off and I secure a better future for my family.

OP posts:
Littleplasticpeople · 30/08/2012 19:47

I can't believe what people are saying on this thread. if he is going to get stressed out - er millions of parents have to get a baby ready, dop them off somewhere and then commute to work, I'm sure he can cope Hmm

And to the person berating the op for choosing college, well that seems lik a sensible choice, wanting to educate herself making herself employable in order to support her children long term?

OP, of course yanbu, why not suggest to your exp that you have 50/50 custody, then he will soon agree to a weekday eve/morning!