This was an unneccessarily bitchy comment?

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I've name changed for this as have a sneaking suspicion SIL may be a MNer.

I'm completely prepared to be told that IABU and being far too sensitive and precious however, the more I think about this, the more it's niggling at me.

On Sunday we went to PILs for lunch and whilst there, discussion turned to mine and DPs wedding next year. DP made a comment that we might hire a hog roast rather than do a buffet at an overpriced hotel for the evening reception. At this point MIL burst into absolute gales of laughter before turning to her sister and saying 'Oh my goodness, how funny! Weren't we just saying? Weren't we JUST SAYING that you two would probably just go to a registry office and then hire a burger van?'

We must have both looked pretty at this point because she tried to rectify it by adding 'Oh, it's just we didn't think you'd have a big, posh wedding like SIL...'

No, we won't. Because both she and the aunty paid entirely for SIL's wedding, a sum that SIL has on many an occasion, informed me cost over £20,000. I'm not complaining, it's entirely up to them to spend the money on her and not on DP. However, because we already live together in a rented house with all the bills that entails, are saving for a deposit and have a DS, we have nowhere near that kind of money.

This level of rudeness on her part is, I'm sure, contributing to DP turning his nose up at every budget suggestion I make for our wedding, he's obviously trying to compete with his sister.

So, was it just me? Or was she incredibly rude and should I, in hindsight, have come out with the MN classic 'Did you mean for that to sound so rude?'?

you missed a valuable opportunity to strike a blow for all non bridezillas by retorting

"we appreciate the value of money and are not the sort who would never waste the GDP of a small country on a single day just to show off!"

mwhahahahahah!

I'd be a bit put out at a remark like that too.

FWIW we had a hog roast at our wedding and all our guests raved about it.

Depends on her tone, what you are both like as a couple, the chat before this and days, months, years brfore the family in jokes sense of humour eyc. I think yanbu but could be BU and green with envy about money.

how foul and bitchy. but at least she didnt try and hide her bitchiness,

Re the hog roast- we had one too, and everyone gobbled it up. We did a ton of other money saving things too. I still have links and notes etc. Do pm me if you need any ideas/details.

Been to two weddings with hog roasts and one where there was one for the day after. Best food ever! No dried up chicken in a strange sauce, overcooked new potatoes and strange jellified, freezing cold starters. No seating plans and stiff formality. Just good food, good friends and a lovely day. Sounds like SiL is jealous as she is no longer the centre of attention. Have the day you want, hold your heads high and congratulations!

I am quite posh. Lots of properly posh people have hog roasts. It's much much classier than, say, hiring an anonymous hotel room and pretending - what? that you LIVE there?? How weird is that? Much better to have a community hall round the corner from your actual home - somewhere that means something to you.

Could you practice a sneering attitude like that? Studied un-pretentiousness?

Let me tell you, I spent an absolute fucking fortune on a posh-type wedding and I really can't think why now! My stupidly expensive dress and photos lie in boxes under my bed.

It was a wonderful day, because all our lovely friends and family were there. Because we marked the occasion. You are right to put your financial energies into your marriage and family not one big show-offy day.

Sole I'm really not jealous about the money, I just appreciate the value of it and if, by some miracle, DP and I came across £20k we would put that towards a house, not a party!

I am however willing to accept it may be one throwaway comment that she didn't think about, she is generally quite quite lovely.

Never having been in a position to consider one, I'd have thought a hog roast would be more expensive than some curled up sandwiches and a bowl of sausage rolls a cold evening buffet.

YANBU. What dreadful manners.

Wow how rude & yes you should have asked her if it was meant to sound so

On a lighter note we had a hog roast for our home reception (got married abroad) & can highly recommend-it was fantastic.

Ooh how lovely to spend 20 grand on a party. Good for them.

might hire a hog roast rather than do a buffet at an overpriced hotel for the evening reception Maybe SIL saw that as a slur on her wedding?

Nothing wrong with a hog roast. I know loads of people who've had them at their weddings. And if I was having mine again then I'd probably do the same!

Obviously we didn't say 'instead of an overpriced hotel', we just said we might do a hog roast instead of a hotel. I'm always very careful to praise SILs wedding to the high heavens, even on the fifth time of being presented with the wedding album.

It really did look like a lovely day, but it's when she starts listing things like £150 for a small box of dried rose petals instead of confetti that I find myself thinking why?!.

My brother and SIL had a hog roast and everyone loved it! It definitely was a rude comment but just ignore and plan your wedding according to what you like - it's your day not theirs!

LOL at £150 for roast petals... I agree it's ridiculous

rose not roast!

YANBU. You don't sound jealous at all. You've every right to be a bit at the fact that your DP and SiL are being treated unequally by their parents.

Silly woman. Stupid thing to say. They'll be sneering on the other side of heir faces when your fabulous, unpretentious wedding is the toast of extended family and friends.

I'd rather have a succulent hog/lamb roast any day.

I've been to weddings where the couple have paid £80 plus a head for the main meal and it's still been average at best. I think it's virtually impossible to get piping hot, well-cooked and tasty mass produced meals.

Buffets are always considered the poor relation at weddings but, again, I'd sooner a buffet than a sit down meal

We could have afforded more, but chose to have a BBQ after our wedding. It was a wonderful, relaxed and friendly way to celebrate being married, and people still talk about it years on.

I think a hog roast sounds great if that is what you want. Your OP is a little confusing (to me) - is a hog roast a possibility - or do you think it's a terrible idea?

I think MILs comment was rude - but maybe she didn't realise/mean it that way. I suffer from foot in mouth disease quite often - maybe MIL is the same?

RUDE!
Your wedding, your rules.
I would rather use cash for a house. So you are too damn right on this.
I'm refusing to marry cos I'm a tight wad, party hating bore!

I once went to an incredibly posh wedding, where the bride and groom had hired a fish & chip van. It went down a storm with the well-heeled and genteel guests who all thought it was rather spiffing.

Yes, she was rude, but I suspect the source of her rudeness is a little bit of guilt at the cost of her wedding, and the worry that guests might prefer yours. Rudeness usually comes from insecurity.

Yes definitely a bitchy comment! Fwiw I'd love to go to a wedding with a hog roast, much more fun than eating cold dry food from an overpriced hotel!

I actually think your dp should be pissed off that his parents paid for his sisters wedding but not his. They should be treated equally!

I once went to an incredibly posh wedding, where the bride and groom had hired a fish & chip van. It went down a storm with the well-heeled and genteel guests who all thought it was rather spiffing.

You ought to tell TobeyLerone about that one....