This was an unneccessarily bitchy comment?

[HGAFC]

I've name changed for this as have a sneaking suspicion SIL may be a MNer.

I'm completely prepared to be told that IABU and being far too sensitive and precious however, the more I think about this, the more it's niggling at me.

On Sunday we went to PILs for lunch and whilst there, discussion turned to mine and DPs wedding next year. DP made a comment that we might hire a hog roast rather than do a buffet at an overpriced hotel for the evening reception. At this point MIL burst into absolute gales of laughter before turning to her sister and saying 'Oh my goodness, how funny! Weren't we just saying? Weren't we JUST SAYING that you two would probably just go to a registry office and then hire a burger van?'

We must have both looked pretty at this point because she tried to rectify it by adding 'Oh, it's just we didn't think you'd have a big, posh wedding like SIL...'

No, we won't. Because both she and the aunty paid entirely for SIL's wedding, a sum that SIL has on many an occasion, informed me cost over £20,000. I'm not complaining, it's entirely up to them to spend the money on her and not on DP. However, because we already live together in a rented house with all the bills that entails, are saving for a deposit and have a DS, we have nowhere near that kind of money.

This level of rudeness on her part is, I'm sure, contributing to DP turning his nose up at every budget suggestion I make for our wedding, he's obviously trying to compete with his sister.

So, was it just me? Or was she incredibly rude and should I, in hindsight, have come out with the MN classic 'Did you mean for that to sound so rude?'?

Beeeatch. And hog roast vs burger van are
NOTHING alike.

Make a big deal of her being maid of honour and then dress her in something foul. We can all look forward to her AIBU thread in a few weeks time.

Good thinking AuntLucy Dress the MIL and SIL in these outfits.

I wish people on here would stop slagging off big weddings. I know it's to support the op but still...

Do what you want op and be happy with your choices. Bugger everyone else. If mil/sil make snidey comments you can always ask them to contribute if they think you should have x, y or z or tell them to zip it if they can't be constructive.

I had a lovely wedding, I spent money I had on frivolous things like hair dos and photos and a cake topper from etsy and I didn't put it towards a house or school fees or student loans or anything else mumsnetters may deem suitable to spend money on! I also had a beautiful 3 course meal so it can be done. I think your ideas sound lovely too op, I've been to many different kinds of wedding and they all have special things about them. Enjoy planning your wedding :)

I agree with cockypants, it's your wedding, your rules. I think a hog roast sounds rather tasty as well as classy, on my budget if me and OH were to marry it would end up being a convoy through a macdonalds drive thru ha ha ha

I think it was rude to even suggest they had been talking about you, in the sense they assumed you wouldnt want to waste, I mean £20,000 to say "I do"

what happened to showing how much you love someone, some people just like showing their bank balance!

YANBU!

I love hog roasts and much rather have one of those instead of a limp buffet!

And for the record I'd serve them the trotters or squeal mmmwaa hah hah!

I wonder how many of the people decrying frills etc have their hair done eery 6 weeks?

I was a bit worried about taking my dd who was 4 to hog roast wedding as she is a real animal lover and would not at the time accept that the meat on her plate was an animal.

She was absolutely fine and spent ages talking to the person doing the roasting and went up 4 times for food

A week or so after the wedding we went to a friends place, she is veggie an absolute animal lover and has various animals including pigs. Friend and I were sat drinking coffee when dd comes in from visiting animals with friends daughter and said you know your pig, you could stick a big stick through it and cook it over a fire, it would taste delicious grin]

I am glad that others have noticed the inverse snobbery on Mumsnet about weddings (and hen dos for that matter).

So what if someone wants to go the whole hog and have their wedding in a posh hotel, with a massive meringue dress and a horse and carriage and a formal sit down meal? (I didnt do any of these as it happens!) One person's absolute naff is someone else's classy, its not an objective universal truth.

As long as there is nice food and drink then who cares?!

OP, hog roasts are looooovely, please do that!

Of course people are entitled to get married in a castle with a huge foofy frock and twenty seven bridesmaids or whatever they want. Just as I am entitled to think they are bonkers for spending so much money on a party. Each to their own!

Next time it rears it'shead, cos it will, just say "oh those big fat gypsybweddings are so vulgar. We want to have a much more low key and sophistcated wedding where people actually enjoy themselves." YANBU butnbeware MIL in the future especiallybwhen DCs come along.

Op, this type of comment has followed me throughout my life with my DPs. They just think I'm an oddball, and they expect me to do unconventional stuff. I think it's a mark of pride.
(they are all dreading what we will name the first baby, BTW, and I can't help but toy with them.)

I'm sure she wasn't being rude, though it came across that way, more thoughtless. Many parents think they have to pay for the daughter's wedding and not the son's.
Not sure why this is, but there you go. it's some kind of weird dowry I think.

Have the hog roast, I got married in my backyard and it was great. Had BBQ and a bouncy castle for the kids. We couldn't get people to leave....

Birdsgottafly, I agree with your take on it.

I am wondering if the sensitivity to the remark comes from the fact that there seems to be a bit of a disagreement on the wedding between HGAFC and her DP -- she seems to want a fuss free and inexpensive event while he wants something more splashy. Maybe HGAFC is annoyed more with the MIL for seeming to be pushing the DP away from what she wants and into the splashy wedding camp and wouldn't have been so annoyed if she had her DP on her side so to speak.