This was an unneccessarily bitchy comment?

[HGAFC]

I've name changed for this as have a sneaking suspicion SIL may be a MNer.

I'm completely prepared to be told that IABU and being far too sensitive and precious however, the more I think about this, the more it's niggling at me.

On Sunday we went to PILs for lunch and whilst there, discussion turned to mine and DPs wedding next year. DP made a comment that we might hire a hog roast rather than do a buffet at an overpriced hotel for the evening reception. At this point MIL burst into absolute gales of laughter before turning to her sister and saying 'Oh my goodness, how funny! Weren't we just saying? Weren't we JUST SAYING that you two would probably just go to a registry office and then hire a burger van?'

We must have both looked pretty at this point because she tried to rectify it by adding 'Oh, it's just we didn't think you'd have a big, posh wedding like SIL...'

No, we won't. Because both she and the aunty paid entirely for SIL's wedding, a sum that SIL has on many an occasion, informed me cost over £20,000. I'm not complaining, it's entirely up to them to spend the money on her and not on DP. However, because we already live together in a rented house with all the bills that entails, are saving for a deposit and have a DS, we have nowhere near that kind of money.

This level of rudeness on her part is, I'm sure, contributing to DP turning his nose up at every budget suggestion I make for our wedding, he's obviously trying to compete with his sister.

So, was it just me? Or was she incredibly rude and should I, in hindsight, have come out with the MN classic 'Did you mean for that to sound so rude?'?

liketochat1 I have never seen a hog roast. Your point about the smell and look even puts me off it as a meat eater.

Vivi I did say "good" hotels. Exclusive doesn't necessarily equal good.

Our very good hotel went out of its way to make allergy-safe alternatives that looked identical to what everyone else was having, as far as possible. Because the last thing one wants at a wedding is a protracted discussion of one's restricted diet with nosey strangers.

it is also a bit rude... to state that having a big wedding makes someone a bridezilla. I think here on MN people often confuse 'big wedding' with 'trad conventional wedding'

I'm having a big wedding in terms of number of guests, we're going to town on live music, amaze food, shit hot photographer etc. But while we're observing some traditional conventions, it will be informal and non-standard in many ways.

I am gently amused buy those who deem that unless you have a 'proper' wedding breakfast and a 'proper' royal-iced fruitcake etc etc it's not a proper wedding. A very outmoded view IMO.

I want to go to a hog-roast wedding now! They're just not the done thing here, that I know of.

I had a small wedding, but it wasn't inexpensive. I don't think they ever are.

Oh and your future ILs were rude.

Pretty rude definitely.

And for the record 9/10 posh hotel meals are usually very disappointing. Hog roast is a winner!

Our very good hotel went out of its way to make allergy-safe alternatives

Well that's a credit to them. My (admittedly badly made) point is that it is possible (and easy) to cater for non-standard dietary requirements without having a wedding breakfast at a hotel.

Poor vegetarians.

We had a hog roast and people loved it. We also had loads left over which mum and dad etc took home for sandwiches. They built up the fire they cooked on afterwards so people could sit round it outside. Our wedding is still talked about today [smug] (and I definately could not do the princess for a day thing, or spend a rediculous amount of money.)

My (admittedly badly made) point is that it is possible (and easy) to cater for non-standard dietary requirements without having a wedding breakfast at a hotel.

Yes, absolutely! My (equally badly madeb

BOLLOCKS.

made) point was that cheaper, easier, more fun options are more complicated for diets.

The best evening food I encountered at a wedding was a cheese and fruit table. drools at the very memory Excellent for soaking up the booze.

If she is normally lovely (as you describe), i would have took it as a 'in' family joke.

A comment like that would have been rude from an aquantance, but not as an 'in' joke, iyswim.

I'm sure that she was just proud of the wedding she managed to give SIL, which if she hasn't had a spare £20K laying about all of her life type, she will be.

Just make sure that it isn't you that is turning this into a competition, unless it is a time when you want to make a point that they treat your DP differently to your SIL.

Sole you sound like SUCH fun! PLEASE come to my wedding? Pretty please?!

Also I just had a scan through my guest list and I'm 99.9% certain there are no veggies attending. I may put out some save the date cards and ask people to let me know about any food preferences/allergies, just to make sure.

Cocktails I don't think I called her a Bridezilla. Like I've said, it looks like they had a lovely day (the wedding happened before I met DP) but not something I'd choose at all. I felt it was rude of MIL to imply that my wedding would be something amusing rather than just as important as a big, white wedding.

It perplexes me that people persist in planning sit down meals at their weddings, when surely EVERY SINGLE ONE they've ever been to has been awful, cold, slow in arriving, tiny or all of the above?

I felt it was rude of MIL to imply that my wedding would be something amusing rather than just as important as a big, white wedding.

Rude, but I guess you have to just quietly smile to yourself that the woman is just a bit misguided and old fashioned, you wait, it will be such an ace day and she will bask in the glory of it all, and tell you what a fantastic idea it was. You won't even need to say I Told You So.

Ahhh, now Liketochat has a point. We chose a BBQ over a Hog Roast simply because two of our guests (people we love dearly) were Vegan and the sight of a pig on a spit would have freaked the wife out completely!

As the veggie/vegan option we had roasted veggie kebabs and stuffed peppers with lots and lots of salads. Everyone seemed happy enough, the only problem we had was stopping the carnivores from stealing the veggie's food!

Well tbh, I just took it as her meaning that you would do something different/lowkey.

Wouldn´t take offence tbh unless it was obvious that she meant it nastily.

Weddings are overrated

Just go to the local reg office, pay £30 and be married. Invite under 20 people. You don't actually need to do anything afterwards. Me and dh did this, it's been over a decade now and neither of us ever regretted it for even a minute in all that time.

I'm going to accept that it was a one off comment and she probably didn't mean it to sound as rude as it did and then, in an attempt to make sure we weren't offended, managed to make an even more offensive comment. I can't judge her, I think most people including myself, have all done something similar at some point.

If she makes another comment along the same lines, I might just affect a very hurt face and make a polite comment that makes her aware that she's accidentally being a bit rude and hurtful. Like I said, she is lovely, so I'm sure she wouldn't continue to do it intentionally.

Why should she blueglue if she has the funds and wants to throw a bash and make an occasion of it?

If that's the kind of low-key wedding that someone wants, then they should go ahead, and good for them but I find it irksome when it's frowned upon round here when people want to do more than say I Do in a 70's municipal building wearing a Help The Aged frock then stop at the burger van on the way home.

I had a cheap wedding and did the whole lot for under £1600.:). We did have a sit down, but it was a Steak Pie dinner (used to be common in Scotland for a wedding meal).Bloody Yummy and our wedding was small, intimate and didnt break the bank.

Each to their own, but I just don't see the point in spending 20 grand for one bloody day gulps

No OP it was someone else who made the bridezilla comment

The quality of sit down meals varies widely but off the top of my head I can think of 5 weddings where they had genuinely delicious sit downs. I have tried to repress the memories of the bad ones!

"I want to be a wife not a bride"

How wonderful to read those words. With a sentiment like that I am sure you will have a fantastic day because you are focussing on the reason for the day not the day itself.

Congratulations

I love a hog roast.

We went to a big, fancy wedding 3 weeks ago. Beautiful location but the wedding breakfast was rank. Even the pudding, which I usually love, was awful.

The nighttime curry buffet was amazing though.

We had a hogroast, and got married in a fancy castle, we did it for under 5k.

Our hogroast, with sides (baked potatoes and salads, plus veggie options) cost the same per head as a cold buffet from the same place. We fed 80 people on it, with seconds and thirds, then took away 3 HUGE backs of meat leftovers, I put it in the freezer and we had pork stirfry/fried rice/couscous/porridge for weeks after.