to flatly refuse to do MIL's laundry when she comes to stay.

[Sunnydelight]

I really need to know.

Last time MIL came to stay for a month (we're in Oz) it all turned toxic, but one of my issues was her insistence that I should do her laundry. She must be the only grandmother to three who ever got off a plane from the UK with her arms hanging, and spent a total of $20 in a month. Fine, I can live with that BUT when she kept on saying "I'll just give you my laundry" and I kept on saying "no, you need to do your own washing, here is the washing machine and this is how it works" it just drove me nuts. She eventually mixed her laundry with ours so I had no choice but I really think that adult women should not expect other adult women to wash their smalls.

She's coming again at Christmas AHHHHHHHH for a month which was forced on me but I can live with it. DH and I had a conversation last night about us having to be more upfront this time about what kind of behaviour is unacceptable, but as part of it he casually mentioned "we'll tell her we'll do her laundry and she needs to....". First of all what's this "we" shit as clearly that will be me, but I DO NOT WANT TO WASH HER CLOTHES and said so. When I explained how wrong it was for a woman who has had her own family to expect another adult woman (who she does not "employ" and she is not related to) to do her laundry I got the "that's your cultural expectations" line. I'm Irish btw so nothing massively exotic to her French. I'm not doing her fucking laundry so AIBU?

YABU and rude - I'd always do a gues's washing. As others have said, I'd tell them when I'm doing a wash and ask if they'd like to put anything in.

I think I understand - I once threw away underwear mil had borrowed. I couldn't wear it again myself. Is that the same ?

But also, she may be quite unable to fathom a different washing machine. My sil's machine in Spain, for instance, doesn't really resemble my English one.

I am also surprised at some of the comments you're getting. I would insist on doing my own washing and never 'expect' anyone else to do it.

Yanbu. I wouldn't do it. Luckily my MIL wouldn't expect me to though. She'd be horrified at the idea of someone else washing her smalls!

I am a live in nanny I wash my female bosses underware and she has on occasion washed mine/hung them out. its a washing machine so have no issues with it.

I think the posters issues with her mil have coloured the laundry issue , so to speak.

I've think it's barking mad to get one person, visitor, teen or DH to do their own washing.

If I went to stay somewhere the whole idea would be to get away with LESS packing. I wouldn't have a full load ever and assuming some light things, some dark things and possibly some delicate things it would be utterly looney to wash 2 items in a load.

Mind you my lovely late DMIL didn't have a washer and happily hand washed odds and sods for me when she was doing everything else.
I always felt a bit, but she had a brilliant system and it would have been utter madness to use mounds of hot water to do 3 things (badly as I don't hand wash).

Do her laundry.

Shrink it.

Do her laundry. Shrink it

What a horrible thing to suggest. Seriously I do hope all you MIL haters get a taste of this in later life and you'll be left wondering how the fuck it all ended up like this! What will you feel when your son's wives are this horrid to you?

Within the extended family we usually ask the host family if we want washing done. Usually the relative I'm staying with prefers to set the washing machine themselves and not risk a guest mucking things up. We usually add their washing to ours to save electricity. Not sure about your "smalls" thing. They are only pants, what's the big deal. My fancier pants get hand washed so wait until we go home or machine washed in a seperate net bag I keep at home.
If a visitor wanted me to do their washing if they handed it to me I'd put it in the machine, with or without ours depending on the quantity.
I'd like them to help peg it out and would expect them to iron their own stuff but have no problem with just putting someone else's washing in the machine and turning it on. If you aren't keen and your husband is happy to put his mum's clothes on let him get on with it. My husband uses the washing machine almost as often as me.

Agree I wouldn't want any relatives for a month. 2 weeks max and then they can travel around a bit and stay in hotels and have a proper holiday and see some of the country.

I love my MIL to bits. I also wouldn't have a problem doing anyone else's laundry.

But if I disliked them, and had already specifically told them they had to do their own, they could go swivel. In a pigs eye would I be handling their smalls.

Good god.
Yabu.
She's spending a month there.she can't brings months supply of clothes. Just bing them in with yours. She won't contaminate your clothes FFs.
You sound really charming. Will you expect her to cook her own meals separate as well.

Yanbu

If someone was putting me up for a whole month I wouldnt dream of foisting my washing upon them. It's enough work just having an extra person.

trying to leave...are you my daughter in law?Nobody will see my dirty washing,just do bits in the shower every day and secrete it...he-he.

I also have a MIL who comes for a month at a time...she's in Oz. She also has blurred liines about certain things so I feel your pain so much OP!

DO NOT do her washing. Hand her a basket and say "This is for your laundry...we'll be doing ours separately so you have your privacy."

If she mixes hers in....pick the stuff out. It's gross!

My MIL sits and picks at her bare feet in the evenings and her teeth. BUT she is very generous and kind so I have to bear it.

You have projected everything about your relationship into this washing issue.

It's just washing, bunging a load in the machine hanging it out. tell her when a wash is gfoing on and say 'do you wnat to put anything of yours n?' and then from time to time say 'oh, do you wnat to hang out the washing when it's done while I'm at the shops?'.

People staying for a month can be expected to muck in and be part of the household, though I can see that that is hard if you have a mutual seething loathing. But then during a month of mutual seething loathing, pressing the washing machine button would seem to be the least of your worries.

Wouldn't she help you load the washing machine from time to time? If not, as a rule, then YANBU.
If she's simply adding her clothes to the mix, and doesn't mind helping out with the family laundry, then YABU.

Yanbu.

I think everyone has missed that the auld wan arrives for a month with no presents for her grandchildren, spends 20$ in a month (presumably by getting OP to pay for everything for her) and again....stays for a month

I wouldn't be washing her nifties, thats for sure. Stingy wagon can wash her own.

Is the larger issue also that your DP is not taking responsibility ie the entire burden of increased housework during her visit is foisted on you?
And is your MIL herself lazy and unwilling to pitch in?

" But then during a month of mutual seething loathing, pressing the washing machine button would seem to be the least of your worries."

Yy Blu. Brilliantly put.

Please can somebody explain why chucking somebody's washing in the machine is "gross"? Sometime I feel as if I live in an alternative universe!

I don't think it's gross but I do think it takes a special kind of adult to assume that another adult will do all their washing for them.

My advice, OP, is to get a laundry basket and put it into her room, then if she starts putting her stuff in with yours just take it out and put it back.

Bizarre Seeker, isnt it.. .

It must be awful travelling around the world to see your son and grandchildren only to be greeted by a sulking DIL who despises you, and disappointment that you havent brought them any presents.