to flatly refuse to do MIL's laundry when she comes to stay.

[Sunnydelight]

I really need to know.

Last time MIL came to stay for a month (we're in Oz) it all turned toxic, but one of my issues was her insistence that I should do her laundry. She must be the only grandmother to three who ever got off a plane from the UK with her arms hanging, and spent a total of $20 in a month. Fine, I can live with that BUT when she kept on saying "I'll just give you my laundry" and I kept on saying "no, you need to do your own washing, here is the washing machine and this is how it works" it just drove me nuts. She eventually mixed her laundry with ours so I had no choice but I really think that adult women should not expect other adult women to wash their smalls.

She's coming again at Christmas AHHHHHHHH for a month which was forced on me but I can live with it. DH and I had a conversation last night about us having to be more upfront this time about what kind of behaviour is unacceptable, but as part of it he casually mentioned "we'll tell her we'll do her laundry and she needs to....". First of all what's this "we" shit as clearly that will be me, but I DO NOT WANT TO WASH HER CLOTHES and said so. When I explained how wrong it was for a woman who has had her own family to expect another adult woman (who she does not "employ" and she is not related to) to do her laundry I got the "that's your cultural expectations" line. I'm Irish btw so nothing massively exotic to her French. I'm not doing her fucking laundry so AIBU?

Thanks for your explanation DuelingFanjo. I have to say that I still don't get it, but then I don't have to as it clearly works for you.
I just see domestic tasks as being necessary for the home and family and they should be shared - whether there is a SAHP or everyone works (although I did struggle to get that concept through to youngest DC, but they have their own place now!)

Wow

I am not keen on Mils myelf but doing her laundry wouldnt even register on my mind should she have stayed...I would gladly do it - ( as long as i wasnt blamed or judged afterwards for ruining something)...

Infact I have just asked my dad who is visiting would be like me to do his washing....

So....what happened? I know the other thread got deleted but would appreciate an update, if there is an update that is.

Life must be very exhausting if people spend so long worrying and arguing about who bungs a few clothes in a machine! I am glad it is a complete non issue with us, just done by whoever thinks of it and we can include visitors.

"Life must be very exhausting if people spend so long worrying and arguing about who bungs a few clothes in a machine! "

the thing is, though, for me the worry and hassle all happened before - when I was the only one doing the washing. Now it's no worry or fuss and there are no arguments, I have clean dry clothes at a speed I enjoy without the fuss of doing all DH's as well.

Everyone does things differently. I don't know if you are a SAHM to whom all the household duties fall to or if your DH/Partner/Chldren take equal responsibility for all household tasks but whatever works best for you, works best for you. Non of this has to involve arguing.

I have never even discussed it - generally DH has put it in- he gets up first.

Ooh thanks for the lingerie bag idea shotgun
I'm off to stay with inlaws this week and they will do some wading for the DDs, and usually ask if I have anything I want to put in. I do feel bad about giving mil my dirty pants so I shall take your suggestion on board.

Washing is hardly difficult is it? Put it in the machine and press start. Press start on the dryer. I would pick my battles more carefully myself

I do the washing. But i don't Hoover or clean bathrooms. I would no more only do my own washing than dp would only Hoover the bits of the house he uses, or only clean the shelves under his own bathroom things.

Yes, otherwise it's a bit like living with flatmates where everyone has their own milk and bread and "Do not touch" writting on post-its.

writting? What is that? written!

Washing is more than putting it in the machine. That bit is easy. It's the hanging out and the putting away which really takes too much time when you're doing everyone elses and trying to work full time too.

I don't want to spend my evening sorting out another person's wet washing or putting dry clothes away.

Like I say, there is no battle when I just have to look after my own

Yes Fanjo exactly. I don't mind shoving things in the machine...

Does the bag itself go into the machine then?
Haven't read it all but i can't understand why washing a guests clothes would be that difficult. I wouldn't want to waste the electric and do separate washes. Don't get why people would be so unwelcoming to a guest. But there you go.

going back to the OP, it's clear that she's not talking about a husband like the ones describd in the last few posts. Her husband has said 'we'll do her washing' but actually means the OP will do it. He has no intention of being as lovely as all your husbands are and sharing the workload.

It's all very well people saying that everyone does it together and they would never dream of not doing it but you are all talking about couples who share work around the house (You lucky lot) and clearly this isn't happening for the OP.

Glad to be of assistance KD - I first used one when we had an au pair years ago, and I realised she was handwashing her smalls, probably in preference to handing them to me. Poor girl.

I've never stayed in anyone's house long enough to reaquire regular washing of my clothes, but generally I bring enough to last the duration of the visit. If something got stained or I needed a particular dress to go out for a meal, say, I'd ask to put it in with my hosts' next wash - but I hope I'd approach it as asking a favour rather than assuming they were going to be sorting and washing all my things as a matter of course.

From the wording in the OP, it sounded as if this was the case with the MIL. You can't treat hosts, even close family members, like hotel staff and expect all your needs to be serviced.

That said, I'd be happy to bung extra washing in as needed for any guest, but would baulk at being told this was expected of me by them. Does she require a chocolate on the pillow as well?

This photo is why I wouldn't do the laundry

Has the other thread been deleted?

I'm really hoping that Hecate is OK? Did the OP come back and admit her error and apologise?

Sorry to re-start this, but Hecate was so upset earlier.

OP lives in Sydney. She won't have seen this yet, as they're 9 hours ahead of us and she'll have been asleep, and then getting her kids up and sorted.

Another poster (who also admires Hecate) has said she knows SunnyDelight IRL and she's lovely. I suspect this is a massive misunderstanding (perhaps she got other, aggressive PMs muddled with Hecate's, perhaps she misread it?) and apologies will be forthcoming.

Hope so, anyway.

It's 10.30. a.m. in Sydney now, but I thought, and may have got it wrong, that she was leaving MN. I hope not, as she has been tremendously helpful on the Living Overseas threads.

As perfectstorm says, it is hopefully a terrible mix-up.

Shotgun's take on the OP is a good one: the expectation is the deal breaker.

well if she is staying for a month why not ask her for a hand around the house for example she could put a load or two of washing in? just explain its an extra strain and you dont want to fall behind btw i know what you mean about doing grown ups washing my auntie had to do mine as my machine broke it was embarrassing for me as she folded all my knickers into neat squares no idea why i felt like that i just did i would never stay somewhere and expect them to wash my underpants!