to flatly refuse to do MIL's laundry when she comes to stay.

[Sunnydelight]

I really need to know.

Last time MIL came to stay for a month (we're in Oz) it all turned toxic, but one of my issues was her insistence that I should do her laundry. She must be the only grandmother to three who ever got off a plane from the UK with her arms hanging, and spent a total of $20 in a month. Fine, I can live with that BUT when she kept on saying "I'll just give you my laundry" and I kept on saying "no, you need to do your own washing, here is the washing machine and this is how it works" it just drove me nuts. She eventually mixed her laundry with ours so I had no choice but I really think that adult women should not expect other adult women to wash their smalls.

She's coming again at Christmas AHHHHHHHH for a month which was forced on me but I can live with it. DH and I had a conversation last night about us having to be more upfront this time about what kind of behaviour is unacceptable, but as part of it he casually mentioned "we'll tell her we'll do her laundry and she needs to....". First of all what's this "we" shit as clearly that will be me, but I DO NOT WANT TO WASH HER CLOTHES and said so. When I explained how wrong it was for a woman who has had her own family to expect another adult woman (who she does not "employ" and she is not related to) to do her laundry I got the "that's your cultural expectations" line. I'm Irish btw so nothing massively exotic to her French. I'm not doing her fucking laundry so AIBU?

Yes - he has a seperate basket for his own dirty clothes.

If you wash knickers with pants you might get pregnant.

Why would people in the same house do separate laundry though?
Whites in one pile, colours in another. When you get a load full it gets washed.
Any individual in the house could switch it on
Any individual could hang it out
Handwashing would be different

Doing individual laundry is uneconomical and means that the laundry turnaround takes longer
OP YABU

OP - why not give your MIL a linen basket including a pillowcase when she arrives to put her underwear in, and wash the pillowcase without opening it that so you don't have to witness by sight or touch someone else's smalls? And - just do her washing - why is it any big deal?

Forget the laundry OP, your attitude needs adjustment.

I think I'm back to: why is the OP's husband telling her she has to wash his mother's clothes? Why can't he operate the machine?

I don't know where I am now.

Who'd have thunk all this over some dirty keks??

seeker - no, i am not joking. i am reporting accurately so that the o p knows that someone knows a little about where she's coming from on this.

I'm Irish (of the Southern variety) and there is absolutely no way on God's green earth that I would do a visitor's laundry. No way. Not my mother's. Not my MIL's. Nobody's.
Maybe it is a cultural thing.
And coming with one hand as long as the other, well that's unforgivable. I would expect her to pay for dinner at least once. And bring a token for the kids.

"My sil once did a load of washing when she was babysitting for us and I was livid when I realised she'd been through our washing basket and had obviously seen/handled my knickers (didn't say anything to her though) - I guess some people are a bit funny about this and others can't see the issue, a bit like pooing in public loos"

Livid??? because another woman saw your knickers?? and OMG!! she touched them.... WOW!

Its a pair of fucking knickers... she didnt borrow your mooncup for gods sakes... she washed your drawers.... get a sodding grip!

Bloody well said squeaky - there's more than one grip needs handing out on this thread!

I'm ROFLMAO at this thread! and it would be very funny if it weren't so bloody sad!

DH does the laundry here - collects it, washes it, sorts it - and thats everyones - no matter who is staying at the house.

I would respect anyones wishes to do their own but I (nor him) would ever expect a guest to do their own laundry and other chores beyond the polite helping out stuff.

I don't know what some of you think is actually IN your knickers - or anyone else's? What do you think is there? Jizz? Hypersexual ectoplasm? Baton wielding pubic hairs? What?

Staying with someone for a month is not a holiday or a visit. You can't expect to be treated like a guest for that length of time and should expect to pitch in with cooking and cleaning and also with the cost of groceries. We do this when we visit my parents in South Africa as well as paying for dinners and lunches out. And my parents do the same when they come here. I don't even go round to someone's house for dinner without taking flowers or wine, so why would I go to stay with someone for a whole month without taking a gift? I think this MIL sounds incredibly rude.

Hypersexual ectoplasm!

:o:o

The woman has probably just forked out the best part of at least £2k to pay for a ticket to go and see them! She may be loaded, she may be scrimping and saving just to get a rare chance to visit her son and her grandchildren.

But we will never know..

Squeaky it doesn't cost anything to load the dishwasher, or cook a meal. Or even offer to do those things. Let alone strip your own bed before you leave (does nobody else ever do that? Our visitors don't. It's a guaranteed useful gesture).

I was referring to Beamae saying that she would not go to someones house without taking a gift.

I certainly wouldnt expect my MIL to bring a gift if she came to visit.

what beame said.

I'd do it - it doesn't make me a doormat but just means the laundry in that household is being kept on top of.

If it's horrible mil - I'd do my best to deal with her behaviour. Not washing her smalls and making her life hard in the personal hygiene department surely doesn't help matters?

Lovebunny I've heard this before. My duncle's wife was from a european country and from poor religious catholic background. She went a while to his family home (way back when) and they had staff but she still insisted she wash her own pants. She said she found it very hard. Is that what you mean?

But I don't think the Op's mil is like this and I don't think the op is not wanting to do it because of some religious idea.

I want hyper sexual ectoplasm.

And it does not cost £2k to fly to Australia if you are sensible enough about booking - even at Christmas, which is the single most expensive time to visit.

at Madgeharvey. Just laughed out loud and DH looked askance

I can see where lovebunny is coming from but I don't really think that's relevant in this case. Furthermore we're not in those times anymore or in that type of traditional culture. Thank f*

3monkeys3 but she was doing you a favour!! Livid is a strong reaction even if you felt it was an encroachment.