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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think my best mate went a bit bridezilla on me

159 replies

formallyknownasloveydarling · 27/08/2012 19:57

I was planning to go abroad to a wedding party of my very good girlfriend with my family but eventually decided to go on my own because dh was less than enthusiastic and my kids were tired, it being the end of a busy summer hols.

My girlfriend was NOT HAPPY about this. She said I had left her out of pocket as they had put the final numbers through and because of me saying I would stay at her house and then not everyone else was out of pocket as they had to stay in hotels.

Clearly it is not my fault my kids are tired. It is because of the kitchen extension.

AIBU? Or, more likely, has my girlfriend turned into bridezilla?

OP posts:
MNHQ
OlympiaMumsnet · 27/08/2012 20:57

HELLO ALL
Do I need to post the guidelines?
OP - sorry you are upset - but perhaps you would like us to move this thread to relationships?

mamaonion · 27/08/2012 20:57

Yabu, she budgeted for the space and cost and lodgings of 4 and because it's not convenient your mow going alone. My SIL is currently agonising trying to cut her guest list down to what she can afford and has been a massive source of stress.

If I'm invited to a wedding I generally consider it an honour - its a formal occasion for many to mark one of the most important days in their lives. I'll be there, on time, well turned our and will make sure my dc are their and behaving / not causing a disruption - even if it nearly kills me!!! And sometimes weddings are crap with LOs and u can't relax but hey that's just how it is!

pictish · 27/08/2012 20:58

See?

namechange88 · 27/08/2012 20:59

There are millions of flights every day to this country where your friend lives?! Really? Millions? Shock

Oh, also, YABU!

Maryz · 27/08/2012 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
formallyknownasloveydarling · 27/08/2012 21:00

I have run out of answers. Not like me at all. I am going to drink a large glass of wine and phone my girlfriend.

Thanks mn. I am grudgingly trying to accept at least some of your POV.

I'll update if you are that interested :(

OP posts:
Yummymummyyobe1 · 27/08/2012 21:01

OP I too have to agree that you ABU, you were all set to go to a wedding as a family to celebrate the best day in your best friends life. You say that friendship is unconditional but if you can not see past your own self pity and understand that you have let your best friend down when you should be there for the happiest day of her life instead there are excuses (because lets face it that's what they are. I went to my friends wedding days after my xH left because I wouldn't have missed it)then she will rightly question if you will be there during the worst times in her life.

So you were getting an extension built (I'm sure this would have t

Maryz · 27/08/2012 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/08/2012 21:02

OP, I understand your POV, I really do. But that doesn't make it right. You ARE being unreasonable, whether or not you are prepared to see it.

Your friend has good reason to be pissed off with you for changing plans that she thought were made with as little as two weeks to go.

You say she could invite other people. Who invites people to their wedding with only two weeks notice? Who on earth would accept such an invitation?! It would obviously be an insulting afterthought of an invite.

You need to try and understand what people are saying to you and start trying to see it from your friends perspective. This is her wedding. It's a big deal for her and as one of her close friends, you shouldn't be one of the rogue guests causing her this type of grief.

milkysmum · 27/08/2012 21:03

I would honestly never ever post just to jump on a band wagon but OP you must see that it is not only the way to failed to tell her that your family was not going until 2 weeks before, the really really crappy excuses (kids will be tired in 2 weeks- come on!?) but more than anything your attitude on subsequent posts is beyond poor!

fivegomadindorset · 27/08/2012 21:03

enjoy the wine, and hope the chat goes well.

Yummymummyyobe1 · 27/08/2012 21:05

(oops posted too soon)

As I was saying. So you were getting an extension built (I'm sure this would have taken time to arrange with planning permission etc) so not a huge unseen expense. Do not use your children as an excuse as that is appalling behavior. Your DH works so do other people. I hope your best friend now knows that 20 years of friendship mean nothing to you and breaks all ties.

fluffywhitekittens · 27/08/2012 21:05

You need to talk to your friend about how you are both feeling. I expect she's frazzled with organising everything and you sounded a bit blasé about changing your plans. On the other hand you still wanted to make the effort to go and leave your family at home and probably feel that's the important thing.
You need to sort it out with her calmly and rationally without getting upset.

puds11 · 27/08/2012 21:06

Good luck op hope it goes well and you can sort this out.

Pancakeflipper · 27/08/2012 21:07

Good luck OP, I do hope it can be all sorted out and you are both happy at the end.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/08/2012 21:08

Good for you OP. And, believe it or not, I have had direct experience of this. My BF stayed at my house abroad for my wedding. However, when I invited her she called yes, called and told me that her DH (a very old and dear friend) and their three kids couldn't come because of money. I totally understood. I would have told her off roundly if she had told me that two weeks before the wedding. Particularly as my FIL and MIL were told to stay at a hotel because she was staying at mine's.

Portofino · 27/08/2012 21:08

You gave her 2 weeks notice and made people unncessarily pay for hotel rooms.? Sheesh - you sound very precious.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 27/08/2012 21:08

'crying as i type' = troll

and if not, without any bandwagoning at all, i am shocked at this OP. time deffo creeps up on me as well, i am also a bit crap at organisation... but this is a character flaw, not a get-out-of-jail-free card. i do think that if there is any truth in this then you have been a bad friend here, in screwing things around so close to her big day.

Pickles77 · 27/08/2012 21:09

Update us!

scurryfunge · 27/08/2012 21:10

Hope it all gets sorted OP.

Spuddybean · 27/08/2012 21:12

Oh good. Well done OP. :)

Portofino · 27/08/2012 21:13

I am totally with Aitch on this.

puds11 · 27/08/2012 21:13

Stop troll hunting! You have been warned!

MarthasHarbour · 27/08/2012 21:13

Two days before our wedding my friend phoned in tears to say she and her DH couldnt make it as her dad had just been diagnosed with cancer, the family were distraught, her dad was supposed to be looking after the kids but obv couldnt now. Fair enough, i cried with her, i didnt care less about the money, i just wanted her dad better.

The next day (ie day before wedding) DH got a text from his other 'friend' saying 'sorry mate - cant make the wedding now' No explanation or remorse, We were fucking furious.

If one of my mates had seen us out of £300 because they couldnt be arsed they would be sacked, despite 20 years of friendship Hmm

Rachog · 27/08/2012 21:27

Yabu, I hope you apologize to your friend after your wine and you can sort it out.