to think my best mate went a bit bridezilla on me

[formallyknownasloveydarling]

I was planning to go abroad to a wedding party of my very good girlfriend with my family but eventually decided to go on my own because dh was less than enthusiastic and my kids were tired, it being the end of a busy summer hols.

My girlfriend was NOT HAPPY about this. She said I had left her out of pocket as they had put the final numbers through and because of me saying I would stay at her house and then not everyone else was out of pocket as they had to stay in hotels.

Clearly it is not my fault my kids are tired. It is because of the kitchen extension.

AIBU? Or, more likely, has my girlfriend turned into bridezilla?

There's loads of MN empathy on this thread and it appears that it's all for your friend. This is because of the inconvenience and out of pocket expenses caused by your thoughtlessness.

Its very fair.

You have been rude, selfish, thoughtless and have cost the bride alot of money, thats not even factoring in guests who are now paying hotel bills that they neednt have paid.

You dont like it? tough, you asked.

Your friend is probably stressed to the rafters and rightly so upset that her friends making up shit excuses as to why her family cant be arsed to attend something you said you would.

um the facts seem to be, you left it to the last 2 weeks before deciding 3 quarters of your party would not attend a friends wedding abroad. They had confirmed numbers so no changes possible. They had asked others to stay in a hotel so they could put you up. You used an actual telephone to inform her of this in person (thinking this is somehow generous). And are surprised she is upset?

This has to be a wind up. No one is that self absorbed (please god, i hope not).

I can assure you I would not be here sobbing over my keyboard if this was a wind up! I have milliomns of things to do but must admit this has been playing on my mind slightly. I posted here for some advice and honesty. Some people like kicking those who are down.

We have been friends for more than 20 years. I thought friendship was unconditional. That is basiccalloy why I am upset and hut.

Really?

Friendship is not unconditional. That is the kind of thing a really crap friend says.

Why can you not see that you are being unreasonable? If you feel bad, how bad do you think it is for your friend knowing that you can't be arsed with her wedding and are making up lame excuses not to attend???

I thought friendship was unconditional

So you can be selfish, thoughtless and rude and she should put up with it because she is your friend? NO!

As her friend you should have considered her feelings and situation but you didnt, so it seems to me that YOU are the bad friend here, not her. She is not bridezilla but you are guestzilla! Do her a favour, stay at home.

Friendship is not unconditional, not if that means you can treat your friends important life events with such lack of consideration.

I didn't book flights because there are millions everyb day there with space. And I thought we might have driven.My DH works very long hours, often away and we have been busy organizing our extension and have busy lives. That is why it crept up on us very quickly without having chnace to discuss it.

All that ^^ is totally fair dos OP. Things creep up on us as well, and we live a normal 9-5 Mon-Fri existence. I can well understand how that happens.

But...your poor time management is not of your pal's doing is it? So yabu.

And YOU are upset and hurt? How the fuck do you think she feels?

You have had advice and honesty, from those who talk to their DH's all the time and not just onl holiday, from those who know when the school term times start, and from those who realise that yes actually you know way in advance when you are getting buiolding works done.

If there's any truth in this story you would be grovelling to your poor friend instead of whining on the internet about how horrible everyone is to you. Get a fucking grip and call your friend and start begging for forgiveness.

I do think people could do with calming down. No-one died. It's all getting a bit RAWR now.

You've got advice and honesty. And you don't like it.

Why is this all 'poor little me'? This is your friend's wedding - a pretty big deal where the focus should be on her, not you! It's not all about you and your hurt feelings. You have been rude and thoughtless and caused your friend a real problem - you should be apologising and feeling guilty, not trying to guilt-trip a bunch of strangers by claiming you are crying into your keyboard.

We all fuck up sometimes. You have fucked up this time. Trick is to acknowledge it, apologise and try to do better in future - in this case, by considering the impact your actions have on others.

I understand why your friend is unhappy. If you had cancelled a month or 3 months ago, she could have saved money, invited someone else who they couldn't but wanted to due to numbers/cost.

I don't get why your children are tired due to a kitchen extension. Are your kids doing the kitchen extension?

When we had our house extension last Summer I was using every excuse in the world to not be in our home. A Wedding would have been brill.

Well said Edam

What is RAWR?

Pay her back???

I just can't believe this thread! Honestly, what planet is the OP on???!

OP - no-one is picking on you for the sake of it - you're just WRONG and UTTERLY SELFISH and a bit DELUSIONAL. Stop acting like a victim and apologise to your find.

YABU

*find = friend

RAWR or em...RAAAHHH

A bit aggressive...iyswim?