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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think my best mate went a bit bridezilla on me

159 replies

formallyknownasloveydarling · 27/08/2012 19:57

I was planning to go abroad to a wedding party of my very good girlfriend with my family but eventually decided to go on my own because dh was less than enthusiastic and my kids were tired, it being the end of a busy summer hols.

My girlfriend was NOT HAPPY about this. She said I had left her out of pocket as they had put the final numbers through and because of me saying I would stay at her house and then not everyone else was out of pocket as they had to stay in hotels.

Clearly it is not my fault my kids are tired. It is because of the kitchen extension.

AIBU? Or, more likely, has my girlfriend turned into bridezilla?

OP posts:
Pickles77 · 27/08/2012 20:21

Drip feeding- YABU
Not RSVPing- YABU
For posting on AIBU- YABU
For only giving two weeks notice- YABU
Wink

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/08/2012 20:21

Also, two weeks is not enough time to invite someone else because that person would know they were a pity ask and be offended I read too many wedding threads on here.

scurryfunge · 27/08/2012 20:21

So you had no intention of everyone attending then?

emsyj · 27/08/2012 20:22

'Nearly' (i.e. not even) 2 weeks' notice? And she had been planning to put you all up for the duration? Surely you would have had to have booked flights before now???

You knew when you were invited that it would be close to the end of the summer holidays. The time to make your excuses was when you first received the invitation, not less than 2 weeks before the event.

You sound like hard work. You're right, she'll have a much nicer life wedding without you.

fivegomadindorset · 27/08/2012 20:22

And actually 2 weeks notice is not enough for either someone to canel their hotel booking and stay with Bridezilla, or to be invited, get holiday from work, book tickets, etc all which would cost a lot more thena £100 per head that you were talking about.

BillyBollyBandy · 27/08/2012 20:24

How do you know your children will be tired 2 weeks in advance? How old are the dc? I know you said one was 3

fivegomadindorset · 27/08/2012 20:24

Oh and please don't come back her and say

a) you are mean I am not posting here any more

or

b) my friend won't talk to me anymore as I wasn't able to make her wedding.

FatimaLovesBread · 27/08/2012 20:25

2 weeks notice enough time to invite someone to a wedding abroad?? ConfusedHmm

If you gave her two weeks notice then why couldn't you rest your children for those two weeks so they wouldn't be tired for the wedding?

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/08/2012 20:25

You knew the date of the wedding.
You knew that your family would be disrupted during the kitchen extension.
You think that 2 weeks notice is enough time to invite another guest to a wedding in a different country.

OP YAB increasingly U with each post.

Maryz · 27/08/2012 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 27/08/2012 20:29

OP - the consensus is you fucked up.

Now tell your friend you have thought it through, and have realised you were inconsiderate, apologise and make nice.

Good luck!

puds11 · 27/08/2012 20:29

Surely you would have known before you said you were going to the wedding that you would be having a kitchen extension and therefore having to move around loads, and that the children would be unsettled? If you are now saying its too close to school time, why did you not say that in the first place?

YABU, you just don't like being told that. You sound a bit wet tbh, surely your kids could have an early night before the big day and they would be fine?

ENormaSnob · 27/08/2012 20:30

You are still unreasonable.

Very.

bogeyface · 27/08/2012 20:30

If you cant afford to stay somewhere permenant for your childrens sake when you are having building work done, then I dont think you could afford the work. 6 different houses plus campsites etc? You should have factored in hotel or short term rental costs into your building estimate.

And YABVVU about the wedding.

DontmindifIdo · 27/08/2012 20:31

so, you know that in 2 weeks time your DCs will be too tired to attend a wedding? Really? A 3yo, as long as you have been keeping their routine, would not be phased by living somewhere else for 6 weeks. An adult might, and not fancy the hassle of going to a wedding with DCs when they can leave them at home with DH and go on their own, but the DCs themselves won't be. Is that what you mean?

I assume she had a lot of people who needed a bed for the night, she held the free accomodation for you because you are travelling with DCs, but now you're not, so other people have been put out by you messing about.

I would offer to not stay at the house at all and swap with someone in the hotel, offering to pay for the room.

The 3 meals could easily be £100 a head and if she's paid that already, can't get her money back and can't invite anyone else with 2 weeks notice (too rude). I assume she only really wanted to invite you but out of respect for you invited your DH and DCs, she's thrown £300 at showing you how much your friendship mean to her, as well as putting other people out, and you've just gone "actually, it's a bit of a faff, can't be arsed"

You could take your DCs without your DH if he has to work. If he's got to work, then it's probably best he doesn't have DCs to deal with.

Original poster
formallyknownasloveydarling · 27/08/2012 20:31

You are all clearly jumping on the bandwagon now. I will try to address some of your points (in which YABU):

My girlfriend knows people abroad. She could invite some of them in place of my family.

DP and I did not have chance to discuss it until our holiday. I phoned her upon our return. Not email, but phone. A personal chat to which she reacted badly (see OP).

Other people could have stayed at her house too if they really wanted too. We could have squashed up.

OP posts:
KenLeeeeeee · 27/08/2012 20:32

YABVVVVVU. Organising a wedding is sooooo much more than just the cost of the meal - seating plans for a start are a PITA to rearrange last minute, especially if you have to have stuff reprinted.

YABU for messing her around
YABU for thinking YANBU
YABU for RSVPing when you knew you would be having work done on the house

pictish · 27/08/2012 20:32

Of course they could. The kids being tired is pants. Crappest excuse ever...if I were bridey I'd be insulted.

puds11 · 27/08/2012 20:32

Why did you say yes in the first place?

Are you ever going to accept that people think YABU?

bogeyface · 27/08/2012 20:33

permanent.

I never spell that right!

scurryfunge · 27/08/2012 20:33

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

BenedictsCumberbitch · 27/08/2012 20:33

You hadn't even RSVP'd officially? You sound like a lovely friend.

gordyslovesheep · 27/08/2012 20:33

YABU - she made space for you and other people who could have stayed there have now booked hotels - also your excuse is terrible

bogeyface · 27/08/2012 20:34

Oh and YY to reverse AIBU

vigglewiggle · 27/08/2012 20:34

As others have pointed out above, your last response made me wonder why you hadn't already booked flights if the wedding is two weeks away. I cam only assume that you had no intention of taking the whole family.

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