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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect to be able to book assistance when travelling alone by train with a small child?

177 replies

DTwelve · 25/08/2012 16:41

This is possibly a non-issue as it has been mostly resolved (train company gave me a 'goodwill' refund in the form of vouchers) and although I claim to have altruistic intentions, I'm secretly just hoping that I WNBU fighting for a refund because customer relations definitely made me feel like I was. I'm rubbish at being brief and don't want to drip feed so apologies for length.

So in early June, I booked some advance tickets to travel by train to see my family with DH at the end of August. I've made the journey before on my own and with DH and DD but this time I would have had DD (18 months) and been 5 months pregnant together with the pushchair (foldable mclaren, not a tank) and all the luggage. The journey is fairly long and involves a change of trains at Peterborough (over the huge bridge for those familiar with the station).

After booking the tickets, DH's work discovered that they had accidentally double booked holiday and someone would have to change. Apparently the only person who could change their holiday was DH (I may have been a little hormonal over this at the time but that's another story). As the tickets were advance, non-refundable and would cost £60 to change (£10 per person, per journey) we eventually decided the best idea was for me to travel alone with DD.

A few weeks before travelling, I rang the train company to book assistance. I was told that it was not their policy to allow either parents with young children or pregnant women to book assistance and although there 'should' be help available, if anyone elderly or disabled needed assistance, there would be no help available for us.

This was not what I had expected so I thanked the man for the information, hung up and panicked.

I would not physically be able to travel without assistance. If I left the pushchair down with DD in it, then I couldn't push the pushchair and carry the luggage (I can in a straight line, but not up and over that bridge at P'boro) and may have to leave DD unattended on a train during boarding to manage my luggage and if I folded the pushchair and strapped it over my back, then I would not be able to hold DD's hand on a busy platform/train and get the luggage onto the train myself all in a short space of time while contending with other people during the school holidays (so it would probably be fairly busy). I'm pretty sure I'm not meant to carry heavy things while pregnant anyway.
There was a chance I could get help from the station staff and a chance I could have considerate fellow passengers who would help but I didn't want to rely on luck and risk getting stranded.

The other options I considered were to pay for new tickets when DH could travel with me (expensive), get someone to travel to Peterborough with me to help me change trains (also expensive and they wouldn't be allowed to board the train with me without a ticket), go without the pushchair (30 minute walk to the station my end) or fight to see if I could get the train company to change their mind.

I called them and started off calmly but by the time I got to the third assistant, I was a massively awkward (albeit terribly polite) customer who knew my rights (and I couldn't afford to visit her family if this didn't work so I felt I had nothing to lose). I quoted the equality act about pregnancy being a protected condition, the right to use (land based) public transport and that it was a reasonable adjustment given my situation to be allowed to book help. I felt horribly guilty and demanding because I asked for either guaranteed assistance (in writing) or an alternative travel arrangement where I could provide my own assistance. Eventually to shut me up, they agreed to refund the tickets as vouchers but it took a very polite and insistent fight.

So it should be over now, I need to find an alternative time to travel etc but I can't help wondering though if I should try and see if there's anything I can do to make them change their policies. I'm actually pretty lucky in that I have a DH who can make the journey with me, but there are probably quite a few people (single parents, parents where the other half works away etc) who can't afford their own transport needing to make similar journeys.

WIBU to think that you should be able to book assistance if travelling alone with small children? If I was and I've missed something, how do other people manage similar train journeys that involve changing trains and more luggage than a changing bag?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 25/08/2012 16:46

Not sure tbh - it would never have occurred to me to do what you did & try & book assistance. I have always found either staff or other passengers helpful in this situation. How do disabled passengers get over the bridge?

LindyHemming · 25/08/2012 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

insancerre · 25/08/2012 16:48

YABU
There is assistance for those that need it, i.e the disabled and elderly.
The rest of us have to struggle.

seoladair · 25/08/2012 16:48

I totally agree with you.
Last year it was possible to book help, as I did so several times while travelling with my baby. They changed the policy early in 2012 I think.
The crazy thing is that at my local station, they won't allow family or friends to help me board the train and say I have to phone to book help. But when I do, I'm told I'm not allowed to do so! I just stand and look helpless then the station staff come to help me. FWIW they say it's a crazy policy.

Here's a thread about this issue. Be warned, there are some macho mamas on that thread who might make you feel inadequate for asking for help!

child-friendly

StripyShoes · 25/08/2012 16:48

You started a thread about this at the time, didn't you? I remember the panic. Glad you got a refund.

Upwardandonward · 25/08/2012 16:49

I know someone who uses a big rucksack in this situation.

bronze · 25/08/2012 16:49

Peterborough has a ramp so no need to follow a pushchair. Just ask to use it. I have when travelling alone with my lot and they've always been lovely about it

TheDreadedFoosa · 25/08/2012 16:50

How were you getting to the station?

I would assume you'd need a cab?

Think i'd have used reins for the station.

Nothing against you taking this up with them as you feel strongly but i think i'd have found a way round it really.

anditwasallyellow · 25/08/2012 16:51

OP I think that yanbu. But it is an unpopular view that a physically able parent should have any additional needs. I think that's why p&c spaces cause such a fuss. It's kind of you chose to have the kids so get on with it.

It's the reason that so many single parents are so isolated.

trixie123 · 25/08/2012 16:51

I am going to say YANBU because generally I would like the world to be a nicer, more considerate place where even if you weren't pregnant you might perhaps expect to have some assistance available for the transfer. You will almost certainly however get a lot of replies from people telling how they regularly travel the length and breadth of the country carrying the kitchen sink, eight children, breastfeeding one of them, in the rain, and if they can do it etc Well done for persisting but I think your story highlights two issues: 1. Train tickets ought to be more flexible anyway or not so HUGELY expensive unless you book them so far in advance that things like this can happen 2. We sadly live in a world where a little bit of help from random strangers is so unreliable that you have to plan taking into account that you may well not get it Sad

OatyBeatie · 25/08/2012 16:51

Unfortunately I do think your expectations are very unreasonable. There are staff and fellow passengers around to help, and a system of pre-bookable assistance would be a very elaborate and expensive addition to a rail system that has managed very well without such things. I've often taken the train alone with two small children and luggage. Just muddle through and trust in the staff to do their job if it turns out you need help.

Nancy66 · 25/08/2012 16:51

I think if you can't cope you should have made other plans.

PenisVanLesbian · 25/08/2012 16:53

YABVU.

And, seriously, you can't manage one child and a couple of bags on a train by yourself? Hmm

wigglybeezer · 25/08/2012 16:55

I would have just asked the guard about help rather loudly, hoping that fellow passengers took note and if that didn't work I would have asked a kindly looking soul for help. It wouldn't have occurred to me to book assistance.

I used to have to travel by bus before I passed my test and on one memorable occasion I had a baby and toddler fall asleep before my stop, the bus driver got out and helped with the pushchair and bags of shopping.

Surely a reasonably sized station like Peterborough would have some trolleys?

Personally I think you were worrying a bit too much.

Kladdkaka · 25/08/2012 16:59

I got to hand it to you OP, you've got gall to try and book assistance and then kick off because it was denied.

YABU though as travel assistance is for disabled people and being pregnant/having a child is not a disability.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 25/08/2012 17:02

Blimey love it was a train journey in the UK not trecking in the Himalayas. If it was going to be that difficult change your travel arrangements . You sound OTT and precious.

washngo · 25/08/2012 17:03

I think it's perfectly reasonable to be able to book assistance. My family live 500 miles away and I frequently travel with my 3yo and 2yo on my own to see them. Tbh it never occurred to me to book assistance. If I've needed help I just ask a member of station staff or a friendly fellow passenger. When flying its always been other passengers who've been the most help. But I suppose it would be nice to be able to book assistance. However, I'd hate to think I'd be prioritised over disabled or elderly passengers.

SauvignonBlanche · 25/08/2012 17:03

YABU, sorry.
You haven't mentioned that you have any disability so I'm assuming you haven't. Special assistance is hard enough to obtain without all pregnant women expecting it.

newtonupontheheath · 25/08/2012 17:04

I used to work for an airline and the problem we used to have was that staff at the airport (and in this case train station) were not the staff of the airline (train company) so the "should" and "could" thwart her assistance was available was sometimes because it wasn't "our" staff....

Just a slightly different slant

If it were me, I wouldn't travel if I didn't think I could cope.

ErikNorseman · 25/08/2012 17:05

YABU
They don't have the resources to offer that service. If they did it would mean employing many more staff which would push ticket prices way up. It's like complaining to costa that you weren't allowed to buy a beer Confused
I've travelled alone with DS several times and it's very hard work but doable.

notactuallyme · 25/08/2012 17:07

I suspect I am a 'macho mama' referred to upthread. I have 4 kids, dh is never here due to work, and I manage. Usually by smiling nicely in a sort of hinting way if necessary. I would be nice tho, in an ideal world to book some spare hands when and if.

goingtoofast · 25/08/2012 17:08

Has never occured to me to do this and I often travel with three children. I either have to ask strangers for help or struggle on my own - people are generally willing to help.

OatyBeatie · 25/08/2012 17:08

Surely the sheer numbers of lone parents with small children travelling by train would make a system of pre-bookable assistance for them just an incredibly overbalancing set of demands on the rail travel infrastructure? Much much better to keep it as a smaller service for people with disabilities.

I just don't understand the expectation that something so normal and widespread as having small children should be treated almost as if it were akin to a special need.

ENormaSnob · 25/08/2012 17:08

Yabu

And a bit mard IMHO

2rebecca · 25/08/2012 17:09

YABU. I've travelled alone with my kids when young. I used a rucksac for luggage and had reins for the younger child, or kept them in the pushchair and asked someone else to help me up the steps with it. I've managed the underground with them as well. You just take things slowly and ask for help. Luggage in a rucksac is essential though.