To expect to be able to book assistance when travelling alone by train with a small child?

[DTwelve]

This is possibly a non-issue as it has been mostly resolved (train company gave me a 'goodwill' refund in the form of vouchers) and although I claim to have altruistic intentions, I'm secretly just hoping that I WNBU fighting for a refund because customer relations definitely made me feel like I was. I'm rubbish at being brief and don't want to drip feed so apologies for length.

So in early June, I booked some advance tickets to travel by train to see my family with DH at the end of August. I've made the journey before on my own and with DH and DD but this time I would have had DD (18 months) and been 5 months pregnant together with the pushchair (foldable mclaren, not a tank) and all the luggage. The journey is fairly long and involves a change of trains at Peterborough (over the huge bridge for those familiar with the station).

After booking the tickets, DH's work discovered that they had accidentally double booked holiday and someone would have to change. Apparently the only person who could change their holiday was DH (I may have been a little hormonal over this at the time but that's another story). As the tickets were advance, non-refundable and would cost £60 to change (£10 per person, per journey) we eventually decided the best idea was for me to travel alone with DD.

A few weeks before travelling, I rang the train company to book assistance. I was told that it was not their policy to allow either parents with young children or pregnant women to book assistance and although there 'should' be help available, if anyone elderly or disabled needed assistance, there would be no help available for us.

This was not what I had expected so I thanked the man for the information, hung up and panicked.

I would not physically be able to travel without assistance. If I left the pushchair down with DD in it, then I couldn't push the pushchair and carry the luggage (I can in a straight line, but not up and over that bridge at P'boro) and may have to leave DD unattended on a train during boarding to manage my luggage and if I folded the pushchair and strapped it over my back, then I would not be able to hold DD's hand on a busy platform/train and get the luggage onto the train myself all in a short space of time while contending with other people during the school holidays (so it would probably be fairly busy). I'm pretty sure I'm not meant to carry heavy things while pregnant anyway.
There was a chance I could get help from the station staff and a chance I could have considerate fellow passengers who would help but I didn't want to rely on luck and risk getting stranded.

The other options I considered were to pay for new tickets when DH could travel with me (expensive), get someone to travel to Peterborough with me to help me change trains (also expensive and they wouldn't be allowed to board the train with me without a ticket), go without the pushchair (30 minute walk to the station my end) or fight to see if I could get the train company to change their mind.

I called them and started off calmly but by the time I got to the third assistant, I was a massively awkward (albeit terribly polite) customer who knew my rights (and I couldn't afford to visit her family if this didn't work so I felt I had nothing to lose). I quoted the equality act about pregnancy being a protected condition, the right to use (land based) public transport and that it was a reasonable adjustment given my situation to be allowed to book help. I felt horribly guilty and demanding because I asked for either guaranteed assistance (in writing) or an alternative travel arrangement where I could provide my own assistance. Eventually to shut me up, they agreed to refund the tickets as vouchers but it took a very polite and insistent fight.

So it should be over now, I need to find an alternative time to travel etc but I can't help wondering though if I should try and see if there's anything I can do to make them change their policies. I'm actually pretty lucky in that I have a DH who can make the journey with me, but there are probably quite a few people (single parents, parents where the other half works away etc) who can't afford their own transport needing to make similar journeys.

WIBU to think that you should be able to book assistance if travelling alone with small children? If I was and I've missed something, how do other people manage similar train journeys that involve changing trains and more luggage than a changing bag?

I always found that people would help with buggies and small children, and if I wasn't sure, I'd ask very specific questions such as ' Could you hold the door please?'
Friendliest places I've found have been London Underground stations and passengers, I never had to struggle with the buggy once, and yes, I did have a rucksack for the luggage.
Least friendly, sodding miserable and aggressive Manchester.
OP, it wouldn't be a big deal for me, it obviously was for you and I'd much rather the disabled and elderly got a much improved service before the assistance tried to cope with mums and children. Because at the moment, the service is very hit and miss, and disabled people have many a horror story to tell about being abandoned in odd locations.
Have you considered driving instead?

I've also done it more times than I can count with the two DCs under 5 - we've changed at Peterborough no probs as long as you allow 15 -20 mins between trains to change platforms. Maybe the idea of it was more frightening than the journey would have turned out?

YABU. And a bit precious and self-entitled, too.

Oh and OP if this is such a non issue why the need to start a thread?

I've travelled with a young ds and a rucksack and have always found that people are more than happy to offer help. I'm also sure that if you'd have approached a member of staff at the station they would have helped you or found someone who could. I think you were being quite dramatic really.

Interesting one.
Pregnancy is a protected characteristic under the Equalities Act - so, whilst not a disability, the law does now recognise that you might receive less favourable treatment because of it, which is now against the law. So actually I don't think you are BU to ask for help or a reasonable adjustment so you can use their service as can people without that 'characteristic'. Presumably the majority of pregnant women/people with small children won't ask for help, or need it, so the argument that this would suddenly overwhelm the train companies is a bit specious.

'But last time I looked pregnancy wasn't a disability

Your not allowed to say that. Apparantly it makes you sneeringly unsympathetic and predictable, even if you are someone who struggles with genuine disability.'

Shall we have an alternative acronym? PMS, Precious Mummy Syndrome?
Oh, that's taken.
EMS Entitled Mummy Syndrome?

EMS :o

Yabu, rely on the kindness of strangers and train staff next time. How do you plan to travel with dd and newborn?

Oh man, I just read that BA thread linked to up-thread.

What is it with tantrummy people on trains and planes?! I'm sure I'm completing someone's bingo card somewhere, but what a ridiculously misplaced sense of entitlement.

A good sling - yes even with a 18mth old and pregnant - would have made this much easier for you.

I think if more general help was available if needed than you wouldnt need anything bookable.

I don't know - I have taken many train trips with ds, a buggy and bags and it isn't that hard to put one bag on the buggy handles and one on your back. Surely you could carry a backpack at 5 months pregnant?

Most people seem to like the chance to be helpful, if you ask first.

Kladdkaka - no one in their right mind would consider pregnancy akin to disability. The OP doesn't compare the two, so I've really no idea why you felt the need to point out that pregnancy isn't a disability when replying to her.

To be clear, you were unsympathetic to her general concerns, and predictable in introducing the pregnancy/disability dichotomy (but I think you understood my post just fine really).

Someone educate me on the equalities act - I've forgotten loads over the summer. Protected characteristics mean u can't be discriminated against (eg homosexuality, transgender, pregnancy) but I thought reasonable adjustments and more favourable treatment applied only to disability?

YANBU, whilst pregnancy is not a disability, it can be a physical hindrance for some (at 6 months i was so big i couldn't dress my lower body by myself!). For al those that could manage all by themselves, good for fucking you, go pat yourself on the back. But for those of us who know our limits and want to make things as easy as possible, op you have done the correct thing.

I accept that IABU then and will move on with my life (that was faster than I thought). I started the thread because I generally was on the fence. I felt like a shit for fighting the point that pregnancy was a protected characteristic (not a disability, please don't put words into my mouth) but wasn't sure if it was fair that I couldn't book assistance or not. I honestly thought it would be a simple phone call, a guard looking out if I needed a hand and plenty of time for getting on and off trains and maybe someone to help me with luggage at P'boro.

I also accept that I am a bit eccentric (I draw the line at mad having spent some time on psych meds in my early 20s), but then I'm the type of person who even when travelling on their own would have a list of what time every train would arrive and depart from the station (with an alarm set for 5 minutes before the arrival), the tickets in seperate envelopes with railcards in order with the journey details on the front and everything would be planned to the last detail and written down. I always look for what the bus stop and nearby landmarks look like on google maps when I am making an unfamiliar journey and have been known to sit on my phone and watch the GPS map so I know when I am near the stop.

Yes, I do drive (was a very nervous driver as well but that was over 5 years ago now), but don't currently have a car because I can't free up an extra £200/month or so to get DH through lessons (6 months), buy a car (6 months) and then cover the running costs (ongoing). In a few years... I have a plan

If that is all, then I will go and finish dinner. Thanks, seriously. I sometimes need to be told to get a grip, that I worry too much and the world won't end because I don't have a plan.

' no one in their right mind would consider pregnancy akin to disability'
It regularly pops up as an equation when pregnant mothers are on threads also involving disability issues over everything from BBs to P&C/disabled parking spaces and using toilets intended for the disabled.
I agree with you, and so does Kladdkaka, pregnancy is not a disability in any form.

Beautifully put, tittytittyhanghang

Good on you for taking it on the chin so well OP....!

The OP doesn't compare the two, so I've really no idea why you felt the need to point out that pregnancy isn't a disability when replying to her.

Yes she does. She tried to book disabled assistance because of her pregnancy and then argued for 'reasonable adjustments' (which are required for disabled people) because she was pregnant.

I don't think anyone said you were mad op.

I said you were mard.

That's soft in northern talk.

Pregnancy may not be a disability but you have the hormone relaxin coursing through your veins which means that you can injure yourself very easily when lifting things.

So yes, dispensation should be given for pregnant women in any civilised society.

The OP could well have injured herself simply by attempting such a journey, in a way that a non-pregnant person is not at risk of.

Sorry, you are being very wet.

Just buy a rucksack and you already have a foldable buggy. You will be fine.

I had to do quite a few long train journeys with a little one whilst also pregnant. It is not a big deal, just make sure you book a seat.

Someone educate me on the equalities act - I've forgotten loads over the summer. Protected characteristics mean u can't be discriminated against (eg homosexuality, transgender, pregnancy) but I thought reasonable adjustments and more favourable treatment applied only to disability?

That's my understanding of the law too.