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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect to be able to book assistance when travelling alone by train with a small child?

177 replies

DTwelve · 25/08/2012 16:41

This is possibly a non-issue as it has been mostly resolved (train company gave me a 'goodwill' refund in the form of vouchers) and although I claim to have altruistic intentions, I'm secretly just hoping that I WNBU fighting for a refund because customer relations definitely made me feel like I was. I'm rubbish at being brief and don't want to drip feed so apologies for length.

So in early June, I booked some advance tickets to travel by train to see my family with DH at the end of August. I've made the journey before on my own and with DH and DD but this time I would have had DD (18 months) and been 5 months pregnant together with the pushchair (foldable mclaren, not a tank) and all the luggage. The journey is fairly long and involves a change of trains at Peterborough (over the huge bridge for those familiar with the station).

After booking the tickets, DH's work discovered that they had accidentally double booked holiday and someone would have to change. Apparently the only person who could change their holiday was DH (I may have been a little hormonal over this at the time but that's another story). As the tickets were advance, non-refundable and would cost £60 to change (£10 per person, per journey) we eventually decided the best idea was for me to travel alone with DD.

A few weeks before travelling, I rang the train company to book assistance. I was told that it was not their policy to allow either parents with young children or pregnant women to book assistance and although there 'should' be help available, if anyone elderly or disabled needed assistance, there would be no help available for us.

This was not what I had expected so I thanked the man for the information, hung up and panicked.

I would not physically be able to travel without assistance. If I left the pushchair down with DD in it, then I couldn't push the pushchair and carry the luggage (I can in a straight line, but not up and over that bridge at P'boro) and may have to leave DD unattended on a train during boarding to manage my luggage and if I folded the pushchair and strapped it over my back, then I would not be able to hold DD's hand on a busy platform/train and get the luggage onto the train myself all in a short space of time while contending with other people during the school holidays (so it would probably be fairly busy). I'm pretty sure I'm not meant to carry heavy things while pregnant anyway.
There was a chance I could get help from the station staff and a chance I could have considerate fellow passengers who would help but I didn't want to rely on luck and risk getting stranded.

The other options I considered were to pay for new tickets when DH could travel with me (expensive), get someone to travel to Peterborough with me to help me change trains (also expensive and they wouldn't be allowed to board the train with me without a ticket), go without the pushchair (30 minute walk to the station my end) or fight to see if I could get the train company to change their mind.

I called them and started off calmly but by the time I got to the third assistant, I was a massively awkward (albeit terribly polite) customer who knew my rights (and I couldn't afford to visit her family if this didn't work so I felt I had nothing to lose). I quoted the equality act about pregnancy being a protected condition, the right to use (land based) public transport and that it was a reasonable adjustment given my situation to be allowed to book help. I felt horribly guilty and demanding because I asked for either guaranteed assistance (in writing) or an alternative travel arrangement where I could provide my own assistance. Eventually to shut me up, they agreed to refund the tickets as vouchers but it took a very polite and insistent fight.

So it should be over now, I need to find an alternative time to travel etc but I can't help wondering though if I should try and see if there's anything I can do to make them change their policies. I'm actually pretty lucky in that I have a DH who can make the journey with me, but there are probably quite a few people (single parents, parents where the other half works away etc) who can't afford their own transport needing to make similar journeys.

WIBU to think that you should be able to book assistance if travelling alone with small children? If I was and I've missed something, how do other people manage similar train journeys that involve changing trains and more luggage than a changing bag?

OP posts:
BlackberryIce · 25/08/2012 17:09

I've always struggled on alone with my 4, pregnancy being no exception!

I manage the underground with a pushchair too.

It works op, you CAN do it!!

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 25/08/2012 17:09

YABU

I'm another one that has travelled on trains with two dds and a buggy/luggage

It would never have occurred to me to try and book help.

If you can't cope you should make other arrangements.

Vagaceratops · 25/08/2012 17:10

This reminds me of one of my favourite MN threads ever- the BA whinge.

TheSurgeonsMate · 25/08/2012 17:10

Nancy she did make other plans!

FanOfSlippers · 25/08/2012 17:10

Bingo Kladdkaka ! I was waiting for the old "pregnancy isn't a disability" chestnut. Congratulations on being both sneeringly unsympathetic and predictable.

OP - you were pregnant, on your own, with buggy & bags. Of course you should've asked for assistance if you felt you needed it . If all the naysayers upthread could've done it alone, that's brilliant. It's not a competition

Nodecentnickname · 25/08/2012 17:10

I do this all the time, travel with bags, child and buggy. Although not five months pregnant as well.

I do a 'sad' face and people always offer to help, although I do tend to manage on my own.

soverylucky · 25/08/2012 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CharminglyOdd · 25/08/2012 17:11

YWBU. I travel a lot through Peterborough Station and have carried numerous suitcases and bags at once over that bridge (no DCs but I imagine DC in a pushchair = one suitcase). The staff at that station are lovely, very visible and there are trolleys etc. I think you made a mountain out of a molehill. In five years of travelling through that station (and I always have to change and go over the bridge when coming south) I have never seen a parent with a pushchair who wasn't given a hand, even if they had no luggage, either by staff or fellow passengers. I have even had people volunteer to help me with large amounts of suitcases although I am young, fit and able.

FreudianSlipper · 25/08/2012 17:11

you will get help

i have travelled many times with buggies and luggage on my own (i am a single parent, that will not stop me travelling) with ds people do help. just make sure you are organised and everything you need (tickets, purse) is easy to get too. i find satchel type bag (you wear across your body) is the most useful

only time i have used reins was at an airport if you are worried your dd will run off get some (ds had a little rucksack with reins)

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 25/08/2012 17:11

But last time I looked pregnancy wasn't a disability Confused

Nodecentnickname · 25/08/2012 17:12

Um but yanbu to ask for assistance but Yabu and entitled to have kicked off.

OddBoots · 25/08/2012 17:12

When you say 'book assistance' how much would you expect to pay for this or would you expect it to be supplied free?

missymoomoomee · 25/08/2012 17:12

I can't believe you started quoting 'reasonable adjustments due to your condition' at them to try and get help. Hmm

Get a cheap lightweight pushchair and a suitcase with wheels. How are you going to cope travelling anywhere when you have 2 children? I am also one of the said 'macho mammas', I have travelled practically the length of the country (with 3 changes) then got on a ferry for 13 hours with 4 kids alone (also when I had 3 kids under 7 and was pregnant) on occassion and managed, its not easy at times but it is do-able.

TheSurgeonsMate · 25/08/2012 17:12

Sorry, ignore me. I see that you mean in general, like "If one can't cope, one should make other plans." Like the OP.

Kladdkaka · 25/08/2012 17:14

Bingo Kladdkaka ! I was waiting for the old "pregnancy isn't a disability" chestnut. Congratulations on being both sneeringly unsympathetic and predictable.

Do you think it is then?

housespouse · 25/08/2012 17:15

Sorry, although I sympathise YABU as a train company can't possibly help everyone with (ONE!) small child and some luggage.

IME you will find someone will volunteer to help you or, as you are getting off, simply ask someone nicely and directly "please could you take my case whilst I take the pushchair?" or "please could you hold my little girl's hand whilst I carry the cases?" etc or "please would you carry my cases down the steps until I can wheel them at the bottom?". I promise it will be ok! The key is to minimise your luggage and ask for help as you go and allow LOTS of time for changing trains.

Viviennemary · 25/08/2012 17:15

YABU. Train fares are expensive enough as it is never mind them providing extra services for people who travel alone with children. Most people just wouldn't travel on a train if they couldn't manage it because of children amount of luggage and so on. So yes I think YABU.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 25/08/2012 17:15

Claiming that pregnancy is akin to a disability is one of the most bonkers ideas I have ever heard.

Kladdkaka · 25/08/2012 17:17

But last time I looked pregnancy wasn't a disability

Your not allowed to say that. Apparantly it makes you sneeringly unsympathetic and predictable, even if you are someone who struggles with genuine disability.

ENormaSnob · 25/08/2012 17:17

Comparing pregnancy to a disability is frankly insulting to those that are truly disabled.

Vagaceratops · 25/08/2012 17:18

This One!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 25/08/2012 17:18

Agree 100% Enorma and klad

TidyDancer · 25/08/2012 17:18

Gosh yes, I think YABU. And to play up the pregnancy part, when that wasn't your reason for struggling? That's pretty bad. I sympathise it's difficult for you, but you manage the best you can when you don't have special circumstances (and you don't).

Nodecentnickname · 25/08/2012 17:19

Just out of curiosity. Do you normally drive?

cakeandcustard · 25/08/2012 17:19

I did Newcastle to London a couple of times with DS1 aged around 18mnths and me pregnant with DS2. I had the buggy but everything was packed in a big Rucksack on my back. Loads of people offered to help - random strangers are remarkably lovely and if you get stuck getting on or off the train it can't leave with you obstructing the door so the staff are very quick to help.

I just grit my teeth and got on with it, it would have been nice to have a specific member of staff there to help but that would have just been for reassurance - I coped fine without. I was pregnant not ill etc etc etc...Wink