To expect to be able to book assistance when travelling alone by train with a small child?

[DTwelve]

This is possibly a non-issue as it has been mostly resolved (train company gave me a 'goodwill' refund in the form of vouchers) and although I claim to have altruistic intentions, I'm secretly just hoping that I WNBU fighting for a refund because customer relations definitely made me feel like I was. I'm rubbish at being brief and don't want to drip feed so apologies for length.

So in early June, I booked some advance tickets to travel by train to see my family with DH at the end of August. I've made the journey before on my own and with DH and DD but this time I would have had DD (18 months) and been 5 months pregnant together with the pushchair (foldable mclaren, not a tank) and all the luggage. The journey is fairly long and involves a change of trains at Peterborough (over the huge bridge for those familiar with the station).

After booking the tickets, DH's work discovered that they had accidentally double booked holiday and someone would have to change. Apparently the only person who could change their holiday was DH (I may have been a little hormonal over this at the time but that's another story). As the tickets were advance, non-refundable and would cost £60 to change (£10 per person, per journey) we eventually decided the best idea was for me to travel alone with DD.

A few weeks before travelling, I rang the train company to book assistance. I was told that it was not their policy to allow either parents with young children or pregnant women to book assistance and although there 'should' be help available, if anyone elderly or disabled needed assistance, there would be no help available for us.

This was not what I had expected so I thanked the man for the information, hung up and panicked.

I would not physically be able to travel without assistance. If I left the pushchair down with DD in it, then I couldn't push the pushchair and carry the luggage (I can in a straight line, but not up and over that bridge at P'boro) and may have to leave DD unattended on a train during boarding to manage my luggage and if I folded the pushchair and strapped it over my back, then I would not be able to hold DD's hand on a busy platform/train and get the luggage onto the train myself all in a short space of time while contending with other people during the school holidays (so it would probably be fairly busy). I'm pretty sure I'm not meant to carry heavy things while pregnant anyway.
There was a chance I could get help from the station staff and a chance I could have considerate fellow passengers who would help but I didn't want to rely on luck and risk getting stranded.

The other options I considered were to pay for new tickets when DH could travel with me (expensive), get someone to travel to Peterborough with me to help me change trains (also expensive and they wouldn't be allowed to board the train with me without a ticket), go without the pushchair (30 minute walk to the station my end) or fight to see if I could get the train company to change their mind.

I called them and started off calmly but by the time I got to the third assistant, I was a massively awkward (albeit terribly polite) customer who knew my rights (and I couldn't afford to visit her family if this didn't work so I felt I had nothing to lose). I quoted the equality act about pregnancy being a protected condition, the right to use (land based) public transport and that it was a reasonable adjustment given my situation to be allowed to book help. I felt horribly guilty and demanding because I asked for either guaranteed assistance (in writing) or an alternative travel arrangement where I could provide my own assistance. Eventually to shut me up, they agreed to refund the tickets as vouchers but it took a very polite and insistent fight.

So it should be over now, I need to find an alternative time to travel etc but I can't help wondering though if I should try and see if there's anything I can do to make them change their policies. I'm actually pretty lucky in that I have a DH who can make the journey with me, but there are probably quite a few people (single parents, parents where the other half works away etc) who can't afford their own transport needing to make similar journeys.

WIBU to think that you should be able to book assistance if travelling alone with small children? If I was and I've missed something, how do other people manage similar train journeys that involve changing trains and more luggage than a changing bag?

'but don't currently have a car because I can't free up an extra £200/month or so to get DH through lessons (6 months)'

Why does you driving mean your DH needs lessons?
I understand that you need to pay for and run a car, but lessons?

notactuallyme I think you may be right

I think you need to travel more lightly! Even allowing for perhaps being away a week ( didnt see it anywhere, sorry if I missed it) , you reallly dont need that much. As an example, for myself and 2 kids, I take a cotton shopper for 1 or 2 nights away, and a 35litre rucksack for 3 nights plus. If you need nappies, you buy a pack/ask relatives to get in advance, you take lightweight easily packed clothes, and your lunch is disposable wrappings.

I think another poster further down had a very valid point - how are you planning to get about with 2 kids, if you're struggling with 1 and a small tummy?

Fallen - absolutely, I'm glad that's the consensus view. I was simply pointing out that it was unfair of Kladdkaka to imply the OP thought differently. The OP was told that help was for the elderly or disabled only, but no ones suggesting she's comparing herself to an OAP.

I think the OP was getting a really smug pasting, so felt defensive on her behalf that other posters were essentially putting words in her mouth.

There are ways to make this work. Basically travel light, with wheels

1- sturdy, well packed pushchair (borrow a tank). Luggage under, get a strong passer by to help with stairs (take baby out).
I have a friend who is a single mum, goes all over in the train for long weekends visiting like this.

1. Rucksack, hold baby's hand/reins, drag folded stroller.

1. Baby in sling/wrap. Small suitcase or bag with wheels, get help with luggage on stairs. I wrapped 15kg DS on my back right through my pg, SPD and all, its much easier with a good supportive carrier on your back.

Take minitures for toiletries, even better if you buy them at your destination, nappies can be bought there. Don't take hairdryers etc, arrange to borrow from your host any equipment you can, same for baby stuff (family with kids nearby?). For you and baby for a week you can probably fit a small suitcase/weekend bag.

Blimey, surely you can manage with one child and not being hugely pregnant. Some people are more can do I think

OP once you have your second dc and are sorted etc please try using the train with the dc. I love it and the sense of freedom it gives me. I also drive but wouldn't consider driving me and ds the 200 mile journey to my parents, the journey on the train is very easy though and quite pleasurable.

Beamur. Thank goodness! Just had to dble check on ehrc site as have to go back tto work soon!

I think the fact that you are booking it in advance would mean that train company should be able to plan and provide enough staff to help you and any other travellers needing assistance. The problem is that many people try to cope and rely on people being nice and helpful and are sometimes very sorely disappointed and therefore have a horrendous journey. I must say that I recently took Eurostar and was blown away by how helpful staff were in helping me get myself dd and luggage off and on train and down escalators etc. I dont think YABU.

A very gracious update by the OP on pg 3 just in case anyone missed it

Must say though that if the bridge to cross the line is stairs only then I'd have struggled with a buggy, luggage and toddler regardless of being pregnant and I am very much a 'just get on with it' type of person. Did someone say the bridge at peterborough also had a ramp or did I get that wrong?

Can also understand the OPs need to have 'plans' in place and to not want to rely on the kindness of strangers when she has a connecting train that she can't miss!

It would never have occurred to me that I wouldn't just manage. Whenever I used to do it I always found members of the public helped. They simply don't have the staff.

OP, you wouldn't have been unreasonable to ask a person/ staff member for assistance at the station for assistance particularly being pregnant and having a pushchair but you were being a bit U for demanding a refund for not being able to book assistance.

I see that you have accepted that now.

For what it's worth, you can check station facilities on National Rail and apparently Peterborough has a ramped access bridge at the north end of the station.

I would also consider using wheeled luggage if this arises again. That way you can push the pushchair with one hand and tow the luggage with the other. Any nappy bag can go on/ under the pushchair.

Oh and also, my DH does that thing with tickets etc in order, seems sensible to me.

Yes Amber that was me
I don't think the ramp is for normal use but they allow you to.

I know because I've changed at Peterborough numerous times with various assortments of children and luggage and they've allowed me when I've asked how to cross the bridge

If you were not pregnant I'd say you were definitely being unreasonable. I don'tdrive and am a single parent and when ds was a baby we travelled constantly alone by train as there were no buses where we lived. I took him on a an eight hour journey alone by the train to Cornwall last year on holiday with him aged five and with heavy luggage. However with you being pregnant I can see why you'd like help but don't think it's practically feasible to be able book it specifically but staff should def help you and I'd offer to help you if I saw you struggling!

I understand why you panicked (I do the planning, google maps, following on GPS too I wish there were pictures online showing the inside of stations so I could check those too and work out where I need to go in advance!) but honestly, you just manage.

I'm a lone parent and regularly travel alone on trains with my 3, including when pg. While one is in a pushchair, I use a big camping rucksack for the luggage, the kids carry a backpack each with their books etc. Youngest in pushchair, other two holding pushchair with strict instructions not to let go (or a wrist strap when DC2 was younger). When I get to the train I help the bigger two on, wheel the pushchair on, get youngest out and get all three to the seats and then go back and fold the pushchair and stash the luggage. Getting off I get ready well in advance of the station including putting the pushchair back up and getting DD in, then get off backwards with the buggy and then help the bigger two off. One thing I always do is buy four seats, even when the kids were too young to pay. Makes a long journey so much easier!

DD is 3 now, so doubt she'll let me use the pushchair much longer (we only use it for long days now) so once we get rid of it I'm going to get a wheely suitcase. Can't wait, I am always conscious of knocking someone out with the rucksack if I have to turn round suddenly!

P'boro station has a ramp bridge further along the platform. It's not at all steep and anyone is allowed to use it.

There is no need to carry anything up the stairs or to fold the pushchair.

I agree with the PPS btw that I'd be surprised if no one offered to help. I'm never short of offers to help, although tbh I'm so used to doing it alone that I actually find it harder if someone tries to help me so I usually politely decline

I am a bit shocked anyone would try to book assistance for this tbh.

I am a lone parent with a toddler and have done long train journeys many times including a 9 hr journey with 3 changes (one being peterborough).I just got on with it, only packed the bare minimum and made sure I had booked seats.it really was quite easy.

In the previous thread about this (not clear if it was the OP's thread or not, the link wasn't working) I thought that the trouble arose because the person booking had been able to book such assistance in the past and hadn't realised that it would no longer be possible?

Bronze. Thanks I thought I'd read it right!

I wonder why no one that the OP dealt with on the phone didn't tell her about the ramp access?

Sorry that last bit didn't make sense but you know what I mean.

I'm a single parent. Of 2. Ive travelled overseas with two plus luggage and buggy several times. I think yabu. It's not that difficult.

Its not hard really people at train station often offer to hrlp and if not put it in bags you can hang off buggy and pack minimal amounts.

OP, tough fecking tit. assistance is for the elderly and disabled. you are pregnant and have a child- you did that to yourself. if you are unable to manage then you should have thought about that. the elderly cant help getting old and infirm and the disabled I'm sure would much rather be able.

have just read your update. well done.