To expect to be able to book assistance when travelling alone by train with a small child?

[DTwelve]

This is possibly a non-issue as it has been mostly resolved (train company gave me a 'goodwill' refund in the form of vouchers) and although I claim to have altruistic intentions, I'm secretly just hoping that I WNBU fighting for a refund because customer relations definitely made me feel like I was. I'm rubbish at being brief and don't want to drip feed so apologies for length.

So in early June, I booked some advance tickets to travel by train to see my family with DH at the end of August. I've made the journey before on my own and with DH and DD but this time I would have had DD (18 months) and been 5 months pregnant together with the pushchair (foldable mclaren, not a tank) and all the luggage. The journey is fairly long and involves a change of trains at Peterborough (over the huge bridge for those familiar with the station).

After booking the tickets, DH's work discovered that they had accidentally double booked holiday and someone would have to change. Apparently the only person who could change their holiday was DH (I may have been a little hormonal over this at the time but that's another story). As the tickets were advance, non-refundable and would cost £60 to change (£10 per person, per journey) we eventually decided the best idea was for me to travel alone with DD.

A few weeks before travelling, I rang the train company to book assistance. I was told that it was not their policy to allow either parents with young children or pregnant women to book assistance and although there 'should' be help available, if anyone elderly or disabled needed assistance, there would be no help available for us.

This was not what I had expected so I thanked the man for the information, hung up and panicked.

I would not physically be able to travel without assistance. If I left the pushchair down with DD in it, then I couldn't push the pushchair and carry the luggage (I can in a straight line, but not up and over that bridge at P'boro) and may have to leave DD unattended on a train during boarding to manage my luggage and if I folded the pushchair and strapped it over my back, then I would not be able to hold DD's hand on a busy platform/train and get the luggage onto the train myself all in a short space of time while contending with other people during the school holidays (so it would probably be fairly busy). I'm pretty sure I'm not meant to carry heavy things while pregnant anyway.
There was a chance I could get help from the station staff and a chance I could have considerate fellow passengers who would help but I didn't want to rely on luck and risk getting stranded.

The other options I considered were to pay for new tickets when DH could travel with me (expensive), get someone to travel to Peterborough with me to help me change trains (also expensive and they wouldn't be allowed to board the train with me without a ticket), go without the pushchair (30 minute walk to the station my end) or fight to see if I could get the train company to change their mind.

I called them and started off calmly but by the time I got to the third assistant, I was a massively awkward (albeit terribly polite) customer who knew my rights (and I couldn't afford to visit her family if this didn't work so I felt I had nothing to lose). I quoted the equality act about pregnancy being a protected condition, the right to use (land based) public transport and that it was a reasonable adjustment given my situation to be allowed to book help. I felt horribly guilty and demanding because I asked for either guaranteed assistance (in writing) or an alternative travel arrangement where I could provide my own assistance. Eventually to shut me up, they agreed to refund the tickets as vouchers but it took a very polite and insistent fight.

So it should be over now, I need to find an alternative time to travel etc but I can't help wondering though if I should try and see if there's anything I can do to make them change their policies. I'm actually pretty lucky in that I have a DH who can make the journey with me, but there are probably quite a few people (single parents, parents where the other half works away etc) who can't afford their own transport needing to make similar journeys.

WIBU to think that you should be able to book assistance if travelling alone with small children? If I was and I've missed something, how do other people manage similar train journeys that involve changing trains and more luggage than a changing bag?

'It sounds as if there have been very few occasions on which OP has had no alternative except to 'just get on with it' since first becoming a parent.'

A sort of learned helplessness. Rather than being out of options other than coping.

Interesting thread, mainly because my 1st child is due in approx 6 weeks. I live in a town about a 15 MN train journey from where my friends live so if I wanted to go visit (I don't drive btw), I would obviously have to use the train. This wouldn't be an issue except they've "done up" our station, which basically means the ticke office etc has been moved further up the platform & (for reasons I can't fathom) the trains stopping at the platform are about a foot & a bit from the platform (I actually find it quite difficult to get off the train sometimes). So, when I have the baby, getting the buggy on the train (it's a Joolz btw) will be quite difficult without help. I didn't know you couldn't book assistance so hopefully there'll be some helpful person willing to help me get the buggy on the train. Oh & I have a chronic back condition with recurring slipped discs, but no actual disability

Well, you won't know until you try.
Can you lift the buggy yourself?
Have a dry run without the baby in the buggy, so you see what's possible?
Observe other mothers on the same journey to see how they cope?

YABU. If you are friendly and polite when you get on the train, staff respond to this and are willing to help if you ask them. That's always been my experience and I've done loads of travelling will three LO's that didn't even belong to me!

Applecrumble - I regularly get the train 10 minutes into town with a pushchair and have never had an occasion where no-one has offered to help me on/ of the train.

Haven't read whole thread but - I did a long trip to Londong involving a change of trains at 7 months pregnant with a toddler (17 months), plus luggage and pushchair etc.

I was a bit nervous but found other passengers and the station staff really helpful. Got me on and off the train, down the stairs etc.

Frankly I felt that assistance was better used for people in wheelchairs etc. With a bit of help, I could manage. Sure you could too. Sort of 'I have to do this so I'll just deal with it' attitude.

YABU and can't believe you think 'assistance' is for people with children and heavy bags. I'm trying not to laugh, really I am....

good god woman you are travelling with ONE child and a bag! yabvvu

This is where the bigger, old-fashioned prams can actually be better.

Yoou put sprogs in pram, luggage in tray underneath then you only need help on and off. usually there's someone around and willing

Have to agree with the chorus of people letting you know YABU.
Really, travelling with one child and your luggage is a pretty normal, everyday thing for people to do, and it makes me rather cross that the train company have given you credit notes because they didn't provide a service to you, that is there for people with disabilities.

I missed that the train company had actually given credit notes-no wonder the fares are so high.

Actually I do think you've come up with a possibility for a money maker for the stations here. The elderly and disabled should be able to book assistance for free but anyone else should be able to pay for it. Not sure how much it should be (£5 maybe) but that could take the worry of journeys out for anyone with small kids, lots of baggage or even lovely nails!

I don't think I've ever taken dd on a train on my own but if I did and was changing at somewhere like Peterborough or Birmingham New Street I'd definitely book this service.

What's the actual issue with credit notes? Lots of places give them when you change your mind. Is that not OK?

Having travelled 300 miles by train and tube with a 2 year old, a suitcase (without wheels), a pushchair, a changing bag, and a 3 week old baby in a sling, I do think you are being a little bit unreasonable.

Reins will make life a great deal easier.

There are usually ramps, lifts and luggage trolleys.

Unless you are very unlucky, staff and/or fellow passengers will help you. Don't be afraid to ask.

I think you've been given a bit of a hard time, OP. Traveling by train with booked advance tickets and a limited amount of time to change trains can be stressful. British trains are not the most reliable and I've often had to run to make connections. Add kids, luggage and a bump to the mix, and it's easy to get stressed out.

When DS was 4 months old I took him on a train journey on my own. I had to ask a member of the platform staff to help me lift his buggy onto the train as it was one of those trains that sits 3 feet higher than the edge of the platform. The staff member refused to help me. Luckily an elderly lady offered to help instead, but I felt terrible that she was put in that position by the rude staff member.

I wrote to First Great Western to complain and was told that platform staff aren't employed to assist customers.

op i thought your post was really overly precious but i have a couple of points

1. well done on getting a refund!

2. i am liking the mea culpa tone of your second post and therefore i think people should back the fuck off :)

YABVU, sorry, Pregnancy is not a disability. I have a severly autistic child and it has never even occured to me to 'book assistance' when on the train with her.

I agree that pregnancy is not a disability but, for some people, it can be disabling . I know two women who were unable to get out of bed for 6 months of their pregnancy and in hospital for 4 months. I can't remember the name of the pregnancy related condition but it's really serious. Others can experience genuine mobility or continence problems. Fair enough it's temporary and often optional but it can still be a real problem for people.

As a single mum I agree with others that a large hiking rucksack with straps is your best friend! I've also often found other passengers to be very friendly, especially in helping me lift a buggy on and off trains.

It's about confidence really I think, and what you're used to. I have friends who won't happily travel on public transport alone at all, never mind with a young child. To some it's pathetic but if it's frightening and stressful for you then other people saying it's easy doesn't help at all.

I hope you manage to get your trip. I would suggest making short journeys with your child alone to get your confidence up.

yabu. sorry. I know its stressful and complex travelling on your own with a small child but I can't see why you would need pre-booked assistance.

I have regularly travelled on my own with ds (now nearly 2) whether on planes or tranes, all over Uk / abroad. plus just to complicate things he has multiple severe food allergies and eczema so whereever I travel I have to bring most of his food, lots of skin creams and antihistamine etc. As long as I am really organised and efficient in my planning, we dont just cope we actually really enjoy the journey.

take a pushchair, plus a big rucksack on your back. you lower the pushchair off the train with child in it, whilst carrying the rucksack on your back. can't see the problem really. surely there is a ramp/ lift at Peterborough for the bridge?

oooh I missed your second post. Don't know if it helps but I'm a bit like that when planning journeys, I have to have lists of all alternative connections etc and can feel quite stressed about how it will work. But I have to travel with ds because of dh's job, and so I have just had to get on with it and now I find I actually enjoy it (mainly because ds finds it all so exciting). the trick is actually to plan everything through in advance so in a weird way if you have the guts to try I reckon you would actually find it fine (because you would think each bit through and plan for it). the trick is a big rucksack and ruthlessly efficient packing. I hope you manage to rearrange to see your family.

YANBU. I was at York station alone the other week with DS (2) and DD (7 months) in a pushchair plus loads of bits and bobs. Train guards just stood and watched me struggle on/off the train despite me asking for help. Eventually fellow passengers came to the rescue. In York there's a subway with lifts down to get to the right platform. Except the lift to my platform was broken. I was faced with missing my train in order to go back up in the lift to the main bit and find someone to help me carry pushchair, or send DS up the stairs by himself while I carried the pushchair up banging DD's little head on every step and breaking my back in the process no one uses the subway in York as there's a more convenient bridge with tons of steps. Fortunately a random teenager came past in the nick of time and helped me man-handle the pushchair up but I have rarely felt like such a 4th class citizen. Hope you get to get away soon.

There's a ramp at Peterborough so I don't really see the problem?

Have not read the whole thread but could you not have put the luggage in the buggy and held your childs hand or got her to hold onto the buggy?

I think YABU. I just don't think I could put that much thought into it all, don't overpack and just get on with it, either a passenger will help or you will manage.