Screaming toddler next door what can we do....

[Crouchendmumoftwo]

Hello,

We live on a road with Victorian terraced houses. Our lovely neighbours who had 5 children have moved and a new couple have moved in with a 1.5 year old.
We havent slept for over a week since they moved in as their child cries on and off through the night and screeches and it wakes both of us up so 12 and then 3 in the morning and 6 in the morning. We are both exhausted. We have a 3 and 4 year old and are just getting our sleep back into order!
For some reason he seems to be in their bedroom and crying and we think that he is not being responded to immediately as the crying goes on and on. Also his screams are high pitched and really loud. We have had 5 kids next door with the youngest being 3 and we really didnt hear much so this is really ironic!
We also work from home and both hear him crying and screeching with his piercing voice throughout the day. I don't mind this so much it's just the lack of sleep at the moment. What would you do. I can't use earplugs unfortunately. We are at our wits end and exhausted from tiredness....
Thanks very much.

Just in case they didn't realise that the sound of their screaming child carries through the walls loudly enough to wake their neighbours up.

Well I'm sure they are just sat downstairs,having a cup if tea and relaxing while the kid screetches.

FFS. I imagine they are aware how loud it is. Pointing out that you can hear it isn't going to make it stop. All you will be doing is adding more stress to the parents. He will grow out of the screaming ( hopefully), just as yours did.

YANBU

I am a very light sleeper and this would, I'm afraid, really get to me too.

Yes, the parents probably can't do much more, but that does not mean OP has to 'suck it up' with no comment at all. She, and her husband, feel what they feel, because of this child.

It does not sound particularly normal to me, that an 18 month old screams so much day and night. But none of us know why he is doing this so can't comment more than that really.

All I can say is thank God I live in a detached house!

My DC didn't sleep for the first three years of her life. It was beyond exhausting. I wish I had read this... "It's not acceptable to allow your child to scream so much. " I was clearly making a mistake in allowing her to keep me awake all night every night.

Well it is pretty extreme for a child to do that and perhaps the parents are not aware it is unusual of it is their only child and maybe there is help they can get or something they can do.
It is possible that they are not doing everything possible to minimize the impact on others. People have pointed out things to me with my ds that have helped, like managing his tantrums, so it is possible they could get help to minimize such ongoing screaming.

YANBU. Someone moved in next door, and for whatever reason, is destroying your peace of mind. I can see how you feel. Maybe it's not their fault (probably not) and maybe there's nothing they can do (also probably true), but you're still stuck with noise that's keeping you awake and making your life much harder.

You can try waiting it out; saying something in the hope that there IS something they can do; improving the soundproofing on your side of the connecting wall; moving yourselves downstairs to sleep for the time being. The child will hopefully grow out of the problem. Perhaps you'd feel a bit better after talking to them, just knowing what's going on?

Of course you need to be sympathetic, the poor wee thing is clearly suffering. But that doesn't make your situation any less crap.

Please dont say anything, how will it help??? They are having a rotten time in a new neighbourhood with their child who is probably ill, maybe having treatment or medication tht makes him feel terrible and the new neighbours say something. I bet they are trying their best, it's not like you saying something will make them try any harder, just make them feel shit and pissed off that they have neighbours with kids themselves who look down on them.

Have you said hello properly yet? Try a friendly hello?

OP you think its worse for you and you stated maybe they are torturing him. You know what instead of thinking about your selfish self why dont you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If it really is screaming then perhaps you want to try social services instead of sitting moaning about it. you dont seem considerate or concerned with anything or anyone other than you. I dont introduce myself to neighbours either but it doesnt make me weird.

As the mother of a three year old who only started sleeping through 4 months ago and would scream his head off when put back to bed alone and often just cry for an hour just because he couldn't get up and play at midnight I must say I was mortified/beyond angry when my downstairs neighbour's daughter came up to ask if I could "keep the baby quiet" as he was keeping them awake and that it "sounds like something's happening to him". It added so much more stress to the situation. He often has screaming tantrums (suspected autism) during the day too and everytime he has a meltdown I'm petrified they'll call Social Services and they'll think I'm a rubbish mother and its all my fault. My stress about the situation then feeds him and makes it all worse.
I can understand it is disturbing to you and difficult to cope with little sleep but I am sure the couple next door are trying their hardest, especially if he's in their room, they'll be more than aware of how loud he is!

AndieMatrix I have a daughter who doesnt always sleep either but I was refering to the fact that IF something was happening to the child then perhaps ss would be a good idea. Baby P is still in my mind. I would also feel like a crap mum and regularly do from peoples comments.

I agree with the posters who have suggested going round and building a rapport with your new neighbours.

You have no idea why their DS is upset - could be illness, sn, teething, stress of new home, whatever - you suggest going round to ''work through solutions'' when you haven't even met them properly. Recipe for disaster I fear.

LilQueenie I wasn't aiming my post at you, or anyone else, sorry if it seemed that way. Just putting in my opinion.

I agree, OP needs to go round, make some sort of neighbourly effort without mentioning the DC for a while and then she may see for herself if there are any signs of anything worrying or if this is just a toddler who screams.

After reading through a lot of the other posts: If the neighbours take their DC into another of the bedrooms would they then be sharing a wall with one of OPs DC and waking them? (I'd rather be awake myself then have either of my children woken!) And taking a child downstairs if they wake up crying just instills in them the rationale that if they cry they can get up....great fun, what could be a few weeks of disturbed sleep turns into months/years of trying to break a taught behaviour!

OP-you have had only a week of broken sleep. Baring anything untoward, I'm pretty sure the dc parents much be a lot more sleep deprived.
I don't think you should go round & say anything to your neighbours, unless it is to say hi.
What do you expect them to do? They don't need to "work through solutions" with you-if they could stop their ds screaming, I'm sure they would have done so, don't you?
Children don't come with volume controls or on/off switches,& children cry.
Being tired is horrible, but you are being selfish & whiny. Put yourself in their position, & think, that one day your dc may be doing something that is pissing off the neighbours, & how you would feel if they came complaining to your door.

I think your only option is to be very nice to them.

I think it can be difficult to gauge how much next door can hear when you move into a new house. A simple "you sound as though you've been having a few tough nights!" (after you have introduced yourself, obviously) and a welcome to your new home card/bottle of wine/cake should alert them to the fact that you can hear their child.

If they are normal, nice people they will say something like "I'm awfully sorry, we didn't realise it was so bad, we are just doing some sleep training/he has been ill with ear ache" and hopefully this will lead to you solving the problem together.

If they are not very understanding, or you are confrontational and they become defensive, they don't really have to do anything. I think noise enforcement officers understand that you can turn down a radio but you can't turn down an 18 month old child.

I've not read the entire thread and this is in response to the comment about ear plugs feeling like they poke your brain:

I have a pair of custom made ear plugs which are designed to fit your ear perfectly, and they are flat on the outside. I bought them to wear under a helmet, but they are also very comfortable to wear in bed. Because they don't expand, they don't push on your ear, and because they are flush to my hear they don't poke in.

They cost about £50 and takes a few min to put the foam stuff in your ear they use to take a mould. Then takes a few weeks for your ear plugs to arrive.

Got me thru many a noisy next door house party at uni!

best get the red paint out then ....

Do you have a smart phone? If so, download a sleepy app, and use your phones headphones, you'll be asleep in no time

Have you considered that he may be ill?

My 2 dc were not really cryers but ds gets ear infections and could get very distressd with them when he was little.

the baby of a friend of ours was diagnosed with cancer just after birth and died at 13 months. He was desperately ill/ in a lot of pain etc and was at home with community nurse vists as much as hospital once they realised he wasn't going to get better. The poor thing was in agony and I'm sure screamed the house down round the clock.

Of course it may be nothing like this but you DO NOT KNOW. Perhaps they have bigger problems than feeling a bit tired.

hey,
so i have had a similar problem; my neighbours children both dont stop crying. one in particular, its not high pitched its just a continuous drone of crying. day and night, it only seems to stop when they are asleep or when we are out. my girlfriend is in childcare and she believes its unnatural for children (4ish) to cry for so long! its difficult because calling anyone about the issue could cause the parents potential problems that they dont need. the walls are fairly thin and rarely hear the parents raise there voices. its normally towards each other but its day and night crying - i dont know how the child had energy to do anything else. I not so concerned with the noise its more the wealth fair of the kids. i can sleep through anything. again im only posting here because there seems to be a spectrum of views which i would appreciate hearing from. Its not the area to knock on someone's door to ask if things are OK. im more inclined to post a book of child care thought the door! any suggestions?

Of its not the area to knock on the door then a book is also a bad idea imo. It may make them very angry.

If I was really worried about a child's welfare I'd ring nspcc or similar for their advice.

If not of.

On my phone.

I do not understand why the OP is getting such a grilling from some posters. So if your neighbour's children are keeping you awake at night, what you should do is shut up and not even dare to come to MN to have a moan in search of some sympathy? Well, I definitely know that if it was me in her position, I would definitely would not shut up. I can't function without sleep and get really upset when woken up repeatedly. Yes, children wake up and cry at night, but this particular child is his parents' responsibility, not the OP, and the parents should do everything in their hands to make sure his noise does not affect other people's lives. If someone has to insulate their room is not the OP, she or her children are not the ones producing the noise. If it was my child I would be the one going to the neighbours to ask whether it is affecting them, and offer any solution I could think of, and not the other way around.

I can guarantee the parents give much, much more of a shit about the child than they do about you. If they could stop it crying, they would have, for the child's own sake. If they have chosen not to bother trying (unlikely!) because they don't care that their own child is upset, then they certainly aren't going to care if you're upset by it.

You sound very selfish and self involved. The parents are much more sleep deprived and stressed by this than you, leave the poor buggers alone! And move out of a terraced property if you can't live with hearing your neighbours.

Noisy neighbours are a nightmare.

Seriously, you need to start liking ear plugs and maybe take some sleep remedy to help relax after a tough week.

There really isn't much you can do about the source of the noise, only your response to it.

I have a suggestion that may help. I use white noise to get to sleep and drown out neighbours noises and it really works. I listen to 10 hrs rain on a tent (YouTube) its really relaxing and drowns out the baby crying next door and I get a lovely sleep.