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AIBU?

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Original poster

Screaming toddler next door what can we do....

236 replies

Crouchendmumoftwo · 24/08/2012 18:00

Hello,

We live on a road with Victorian terraced houses. Our lovely neighbours who had 5 children have moved and a new couple have moved in with a 1.5 year old.
We havent slept for over a week since they moved in as their child cries on and off through the night and screeches and it wakes both of us up so 12 and then 3 in the morning and 6 in the morning. We are both exhausted. We have a 3 and 4 year old and are just getting our sleep back into order!
For some reason he seems to be in their bedroom and crying and we think that he is not being responded to immediately as the crying goes on and on. Also his screams are high pitched and really loud. We have had 5 kids next door with the youngest being 3 and we really didnt hear much so this is really ironic!
We also work from home and both hear him crying and screeching with his piercing voice throughout the day. I don't mind this so much it's just the lack of sleep at the moment. What would you do. I can't use earplugs unfortunately. We are at our wits end and exhausted from tiredness....
Thanks very much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crouchendmumoftwo · 24/08/2012 18:33

I expect them to try and get their child to stop screeeching all the time. So try and placate him more, be considerate of other people, perhaps move into the back bedroom and comfort him so neighbours can sleep. There must be something. Ive had children crying next door and have been around lots of kids but this is something else, my husband is at his wits end and is exhausted and baggy eyed and is at the end of his tether with it. It is such loud shrieking, my son was no easy child but he wasnt like this. When he screamed lots I would run down stairs with him so it wouldnt wake my husband or the neighbours up and calm him down. I was very conscious of my surroundings and the impact of the noise on other people, these guys just don't seem as considerate.

OP posts:
5madthings · 24/08/2012 18:33

well my dd is 20 mths, she sleeps with us, but recently she has been having night terrors, she will be SCREAMING in her sleep, i pick her up and cuddle her and comfort her etc, but it doesnt make any difference really, she eventually just stops, its horrible but i know its a phase and tho the lack of sleep is killing me, there isnt much i can do about it.

maybe your neighbours little boy is doing something similar? or maybe he is unsettled by the move? it could be any one of a number of reasons!

can you use ear plugs?

PureMorning · 24/08/2012 18:33

I'm sure you're own kids must of kept the old neighbours up at some point.

5madthings · 24/08/2012 18:34

sorry i see u cant use ear plugs, any particular reason why?

Original poster
Crouchendmumoftwo · 24/08/2012 18:36

Ive tried earplugs but they feel like my my brain is being poked and they are uncomfortable and keep me awake, god knows ive tried every sort over the years for lots of reasons. Thanks for all the ideas and sympathy to all the mums with screeching little ones!

OP posts:
ObviouslyOblivious · 24/08/2012 18:40

Hmm I have a 19 month old who despite my best efforts to comfort him in his own room (after responding promptly Wink) won't have it. Sometimes he'll even keep screaming once I've brought him to my bed.

I must say if my neighbour told me that I clearly wasn't doing enough to keep him quiet and was being 'inconsiderate' then they would get a nice dose of fuck the fuck off.

FalseStartered · 24/08/2012 18:40

OP, do you think they like their child making a noise like you describe?

Rubirosa · 24/08/2012 18:41

Do you not think that if they could stop the screaming then they would have? If you go round there and say "can you stop your kid screaming, it's disturbing my sleep" they're unlikely to say "oh I hadn't thought of stopping him, we usually sleep right through it".

SirBoobAlot · 24/08/2012 18:41

Was sympathetic with your first post, second one just makes me think you're being a bit of a cow, to be honest.

I'm sure they are really enjoying having their child so distressed Hmm

They've just moved house with a one and half year old, of course there is bound to be shouting and crying. Poor boy will be unsettled. There may also be more issues that you aren't aware of. And you certainly cannot prove they are doing nothing to settle him - if he's in their room, they're obviously in tune to what he needs right now.

Bite your tongue, and either be a friendly supportive "welcome to the neighborhood" neighbor, or but out, because you can guarantee they won't need your crap on top of their own too.

AmberLeaf · 24/08/2012 18:41

Do you really think they are currently doing nothing to placate him though?

You can't always stop an upset/scared/ill/unsettled baby from crying. It doesn't always work like that.

You going round and telling them to keep their baby quiet may add to the pressure and stress they too are no doubt feeling. Its hardly going to help is it.

Babies cry. If you can't accept that go and live in a detached house in a field. If you can't do that then you have to come to terms with other peoples noise.

I appreciate that you are sleep deprived but YABU.

FalseStartered · 24/08/2012 18:41

Grin *Rubirosa]

ObviouslyOblivious · 24/08/2012 18:41

Just seen your user name. Maybe I'm your neighbour :o

SirBoobAlot · 24/08/2012 18:42
  • butt out, that should say.
MarigoldsInTheWindow · 24/08/2012 18:43

grit your teeth and bare it.
theres not much the mother can do either, they will grow out of it eventually.

sadly there is no mute switch.

StellarforStar · 24/08/2012 18:43

What Rubirosa said.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/08/2012 18:43

May well be night terrors, in which case there is nothing they can do to stop it I'm afraid, it does sound like them

ilovesprouts · 24/08/2012 18:44

good job you dont live nxt to me then my son has meldowns many times a night ,jumps on his bed bangs on the wall/floor with toys creams crys etc !!

MollyMurphy · 24/08/2012 18:45

WSS^ now you seem unreasonable and a touch self absorbed.....the poor kids only been in his new home 1 week. Probably everyone's just adjusting.

MollyMurphy · 24/08/2012 18:46

WSS is referring to Rubirosas post

StellaNova · 24/08/2012 18:47

I expect our neighbours could have written the same about us (Victorian semi) when we moved a year and a half ago. Ds2 would wake up and scream every night. We would go in at once, but nothing would calm him, only being carried about the house and even then he would be screaming until he went to sleep.

I felt bad for the neighbours but there was literally nothing that we could have done about it. You say you want them to stop the child screeching by placating it - how? If you had come and said that to me I would have been in floods of tears. I was so exhausted, I felt I was a terrible mum as I was so snappy during the day, there were times when I almost hurt DS2 I was so angry with him and had to put him down and walk away. Not only was I feelingawful about the night noise, I also felt awful about the noise during the day as I shouted at DS1 and 2 because I was so very very tired I couldn't cope.

I don't know where our neighbour's bedroom is - hopefully at the front as DS2 is at the back - but I am so grateful to them for never once complaining. You say when your child screamed you ran up and down stairs with him - every night? Every night for a year and a half? That's basically what I was doing and it still didn't shut him up.

neverquitesure · 24/08/2012 18:47

As someone else has mentioned, night terrors will do this (regardless of how much comfort you offer Sad) and are very frequent after disruptive periods in the children who are prone to them. I would guess it will pass.

Daytime screaming is more of an issue, although it might be occurring during nap times of course.

Give them a while to settle in before panicking too much (easier said than done, I know!)

lalaloopylou · 24/08/2012 18:49

Tbh I think YAB a bit U
I say this because my DC is 3, he gets growing pains during the nights and often wakes up crying which frequently leads to him screaming (overtired and doesn't know what to do with himself) also because hea not getting a good sleep he can get tantrum-y during the day too
I have knocked my neighbours and apologised and she was so nice about it that it's stopped me worrying so much,
I would love nothing more for my dc to sleep through the night for my sake as well as everyone else's but ATM its not happening and if my neighbour was funny with me about it I would probably end up getting stressed every time he woke up and he would sense my agitation and be even harder to settle

Welcome them to their new home and if you really must say something then maybe mention that your bedroom is next to where their dc is sleeping(or not in this case) and if they don't make any suggestions maybe you could Ask is there another bedroom their dc could sleep in

domesticslattern · 24/08/2012 18:50

I recommend that you go round and point out that their child screeches. Chances either that either they haven't noticed or they are poking him with a pointy stick to get him to do it. Either way they will be grateful for your contribution and will instantly know how to stop him screeching. Perhaps with a special switch on the side of his neck or similar. Hmm

cornybootseeker · 24/08/2012 18:51

If it's only been a week the poor little chap is likely to be unsettled when he wakes. Perhaps he doesn't recognise where he is and panics. I think you are being too hasty ( and mean).

IsItMeOr · 24/08/2012 18:52

Came on to check you weren't my neighbour. Phew!

You have clearly never had a terrible sleeper. It's much, much worse for the parents. I can't believe that you think it's coming from their bedroom and that they're not doing everything they can to soothe their child.

If you go round and have a go, expect to be sent away with a flea in your ear. Which you will deserve. HTH.