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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming toddler next door what can we do....

236 replies

Crouchendmumoftwo · 24/08/2012 18:00

Hello,

We live on a road with Victorian terraced houses. Our lovely neighbours who had 5 children have moved and a new couple have moved in with a 1.5 year old.
We havent slept for over a week since they moved in as their child cries on and off through the night and screeches and it wakes both of us up so 12 and then 3 in the morning and 6 in the morning. We are both exhausted. We have a 3 and 4 year old and are just getting our sleep back into order!
For some reason he seems to be in their bedroom and crying and we think that he is not being responded to immediately as the crying goes on and on. Also his screams are high pitched and really loud. We have had 5 kids next door with the youngest being 3 and we really didnt hear much so this is really ironic!
We also work from home and both hear him crying and screeching with his piercing voice throughout the day. I don't mind this so much it's just the lack of sleep at the moment. What would you do. I can't use earplugs unfortunately. We are at our wits end and exhausted from tiredness....
Thanks very much.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/08/2012 20:15

YABU

And weird to say that an 18 month old isn't a baby - of course he is a baby. Are you sure you are a parent?

Original poster
Crouchendmumoftwo · 24/08/2012 20:18

Alibaba

If you call a little boy walking around a baby so be it, I might call him a toddler?
Some people call their 2 year olds babies and grown ups. This guy has a full head of hear wears little boys clothes and walks around. If you want to call him a baby he is a baby! He isnt a little bald baby in a gro!

OP posts:
EnjoyResponsibly · 24/08/2012 20:18

I live in a victorian terrace myself, one of the reasons we don't hear noise is because the alcoves between the fireplaces in our rooms I.e the dividing wall, have built in shelves or wardrobes. That definitely muffles sound as the only room I really hear incoming sound is my kitchen and DS's room where there are none.

ObviouslyOblivious · 24/08/2012 20:19

Go on then, let your husband go round. Destroy any chance of a future pleasant neighbourly relationship.
You need to both grow up, get over it and live with it in the knowledge that your neighbours are not doing this to piss you off. Maybe you should be neighbourly and invite them over for tea and cake.

Corygal · 24/08/2012 20:22

My neice let rip the shrieks of a dying animal virtually 24/7 from birth until she was 10 months. She had reflux which started to wear off when she hit 9 months. By that time, the neighbours had moved out, however.

Can you soundproof the adjoining wall? It won't last forever, although I sympathise that it's a hideous, anti-social problem.

teacherwith2kids · 24/08/2012 20:24

Your neighbours sound like they are having a horrible time, with an unsettled toddler day and night.

The decent, neighbourly thing to do would be to offer tea, sympathy, any practical help you can in getting themselves settled (unpacking with an unsettled toddler must be a nightmare for them, poor things), and to ask whether it would be of any help for them if you were to babysit for a few hours so that they could have a few hours' peace to themselves.

You might then get further information about whether this is typical, whether they have concerns, whether it seems to be due to the move - and perhaps a few hours in the company of a toddler going through a really difficult stage would help you to empathise with them....

SirBoobAlot · 24/08/2012 20:25

"Maybe they are torturing him at night!" - What a disgusting thing to say.

If your DH came round here to complain that my child was screaming, I would probably punch him.

Original poster
Crouchendmumoftwo · 24/08/2012 20:25

Thanks Corygal we would but are strapped for cash at the moment and rent the house, we spent a bit on it in the past as plan to stay for as long as we can. I could always stick a load of egg boxes to the wall in a Steptoe and Son weird design way!

OP posts:
LittleMoo6 · 24/08/2012 20:25

YABU. You won't wear earplugs, you won't try sleeping downstairs. Not sure exactly what you expect them to do.

I'm amazed you're both so frazzled after just a week of it, especially if you have kids yourself. You said DH got 4 hours of sleep the other night? That's probably a lot more than your neighbours are getting so go easy on them.

kinkyfuckery · 24/08/2012 20:26

YABU.

As bad as it may seem for you, it is worse for them. Do you honestly think that if there was a quick fix, they wouldn't be trying it?

diaimchlo · 24/08/2012 20:28

If you can't be bothered to go round and try to solve this problem then all I can say is that maybe you are part of the problem.........

Narrowboat · 24/08/2012 20:29

OP you are getting a roasting here. It sounds bad, and if the previous neighbours had five kids without the same level of noise then I can see why it is hard to cope.

Instead of going round to complain, you could just pop by to ask if everything is OK. Say you heard the baby screaming and could you do anything to help?

After your posts I feel sorry for you, the child and his parents. I hope he is OK

Original poster
Crouchendmumoftwo · 24/08/2012 20:29

Ive had some great feedback on here despite a few snarly gripes and for the nice ones thank you!

OP posts:
diaimchlo · 24/08/2012 20:30

I agree wholeheartedly with SirBoobAlot, that was a disgusting comment and if you can't go round and try to be part of the solution then maybe you are the problem

Empusa · 24/08/2012 20:31

DS screams constantly at the moment, he is inconsolable. We've tried everything, but the only way he'll stop screaming is when he's worn himself out and fallen asleep. We think it's a combination of teething and reflux and possibly a milk allergy. All good fun Hmm

If a neighbour came round to ask me to do something about I'd probably find it quite difficult to keep my temper, it's not like I've chosen to be sleep deprived, deafened and stressed almost constantly.

"Im sure they are not ignoring him it just sounds like it as its so relentless and goes on and on and gets louder and louder."

So if you are sure they aren't ignoring him, what exactly do you expect them to do?

5madthings · 24/08/2012 20:31

it doesnt matter how much hair he has or what clothes he wears, he is still a baby/toddler and i doubt his parents are deliberately making him cry ffs!

teacherwith2kids · 24/08/2012 20:32

Crouchendmum,

Between DD's birth and her reaching 3 months, I got between 30 minutes and 1 hour of sleep per night in total.

Yes, I did end up falling asleep where I stood and waking up on the kitchen floor holding the baby. Yes, I did hallucinate. Yes, I did have to stop driving, or indeed going out anywhere, for fear I would fall asleep and endanger the children.

I dreamed of 4 hours per night. Forgive me if I'm not hugely sympathetic if you have disturbed sleep for a week.

5madthings · 24/08/2012 20:32

what teacherswith2kids says, be nice they are your neighbours!

Original poster
Crouchendmumoftwo · 24/08/2012 20:33

I cant be sure they arent ignoring him or tending to him as I cant see through the wall. All we can hear is constant screaming night and day.

OP posts:
Empusa · 24/08/2012 20:33

I'm suddenly even more grateful for my wonderful, patient, considerate neighbours!

Echocave · 24/08/2012 20:35

I agree YABU.
You sound like you have taken against this family, possibly because they don't measure up to their predecessors. And I think that means you're not giving them a fair chance. A week is nothing in the scheme of things. It may well be temporary and frankly you can't do much about it if it's not.
You will probably have to sleep somewhere else.

Empusa · 24/08/2012 20:35

"Im sure they are not ignoring him"

"I cant be sure they arent ignoring him"

Make your mind up Hmm

Do you honestly think that they wont be doing everything they can? Do you know anyone who has a child who screams all through the day and night who would think, "you know, I don't mind this"?

Seriously, unless you know some magic solution for stopping a child screaming, what exactly are you hoping to achieve?

Narrowboat · 24/08/2012 20:35

these are brilliant earplugs too

saintlyjimjams · 24/08/2012 20:36

Screaming all day and all night sounds rather like something's wrong.

I'd give it more than a week tbh.

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 24/08/2012 20:36

I have a four year old who is probably just as bad. Sometimes you can't stop them, short of gagging them, which we aren't allowed to do. With my girl it's probably behavioural, and being in a terraced house means no matter which room she is in, she is touching another bedroom, so whilst I am apologetic to my neighbour, I'd be pretty upset if she had a go, because I am already doing my best.