to want to exclude one child

[Ithinkitsjustme]

My DD2 is going back to pre-school next week but all her close friends have gone to school this year so she'll have to start again. She's never had a birthday party but as she will be 4 in October I thought I would hire a fun bus and invite all the "step-up" kids (those who will be going to school with her) to a party in the half term. Last year 2 boys made her life miserable and she was terrified of both of them. They were always hitting her, taking her toys away, pushing her etc. One of them has now left but I don't want to invite the other one to her party (unless he has miraculously changed over the summer Break), WIBU to leave him out if things haven't changed? (I would be inviting ALL the others)

You can't leave one child out - that is really horrible. He can't be blamed for his behaviour at that age either.

Even DCs haven't tried that one with me 'it doesn't count Miss, it was a one off event'!

I cannot believe a grown adult would even consider excluding a child in such an unkind way!

The solution is so simple- a small party or everyone.

I'm not saying it doesn't 'count'. I'm saying it's not bullying.

And yes, I would also agree to a smaller party.

No reason to ruin your daughters big day for the sake of a badly parented child. Put your own child first, she deserves it. You wouldn't want someone who repeatedly hurt and frightened you at your party so why would you even contemplate doing that to your little girl? Her right to have a fun party without fear or bullying is far more important than any nasty bully who enjoys scaring and hurting her.

Let his parents fret over his feelings, it might encourage them to get off their lazy arses and start parenting him properly.

yes a small party is the obvious solution and much easier all round!

yes children can bully and be spiteful and mean, our job as adults tho is to teach them appropriate behaviour, so an adult then excluding one child is NOT teaching appropriate behaviour they are encouraging exclusion, which is bullying.

as an aside, when your child tells you someone was mean to them, or comes crying because they say their friend/sibling etc has hurt/upset them, do you always take their word as gospel? or do you talk to both children or the school etc to find out what has gone on?

I cannot believe a grown adult would even consider excluding a child in such an unkind way!

I would be tempted if a child had been consistently bullying mine. In the end I would probably go down the route of not inviting everyone rather than leaving one child out though.

I cannot believe a grown adult would even consider excluding a child in such an unkind way!

I can't believe anyone would put other children over their own.

Akthough yes to a smaller party and not leaving one out.

How can you possibly explain having a party for everyone and excluding one child as not bullying?

A 3 year old child is not a bully SoupDragon. I know a mum whose child is a pincher - she is mortified by it. But I think the child is slowly growing out of it. 3 year olds aren't sophisticated enough to intentionally 'bully'. Normally it's an unpleasant phase that they grow out of.

'our job as adults tho is to teach them appropriate behaviour, so an adult then excluding one child is NOT teaching appropriate behaviour they are encouraging exclusion, which is bullying.'
Couldn't agree more with the above.

I would want a child who bullied my kids at their party. I think you are looking at it the wrong way really, you are having a party for your lo and inviting her friends that she plays with. why would you want to invite someone she doesn't play with or who is mean to her?

"A 3 year old child is not a bully SoupDragon."

OK, I wouldn't invite a child who was consistently hitting, pushing and generally terrorising mine and one which my child was terrified of. Is that better?

Although I disagree with everything bobbledunk says, she at least says 'badly parented DC'. Either he is badly parented, has SN or is immature.

lisaro - it's not about putting other children over your own. It's about teaching your own child that leaving out one solutary person is unkind and the wrong way to behave, even if we don't like that person very much.

If it's impossible to invite one person then you have a small party. It's that simplle really.

It is fine SoupDragon as long as you do the sensible thing and have up to half the class and not all bar one.

Did you bother to read the rest of the first post I made?

If the nursery is allowing this behaviour to go on with no attempt to address it then surely that is part of the problem?

yes i have said that perception if this has been going on for year then the pre-school are failing the op's dd :(

and yes its about parenting, and mabye sn or maturity, either way it is not the little boys fault and it needs to be dealt with by his parents and the pre-school.

perception lisaro - it's not about putting other children over your own. It's about teaching your own child that leaving out one solutary person is unkind and the wrong way to behave, even if we don't like that person very much.

Yes, I agree completely about the solitary person but that issue aside, its wrong to do it to your own child.

I am very proud that all 3 of my DCs were described as 'kind and caring'. I would have discussed it with them and agreed that they didn't want him and so they couldn't have everyone else because it was unkind. DCs do as you do - I would be appalled if mine picked up some of the attitudes on here. I think they were kind and caring because they were not among adults who wouldn't demonise DCs who are just beyond babyhood.

Yes, exactly. I have three children and none of them has ever been 'terrorised' at nursery. I don't ever remember any of them feeling afraid of any child and if they had and the nursery failed to do anything about it then I would have moved them to another nursery tbh.

Glad that you were going to do the sensible solution SoupDragon.

Crap nursery or pre school if they have not been able to squash this kind of behaviour pdq.